(Closed) Fiance won’t have sex with me!

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

you guys hvae been together 7 months or engaged 7 months? If you have been together 7 months than maybe he just is not comfortable enough with you yet. If I was you, I would just take control. Seduce him, do all the work πŸ˜€ Do that the first couple of times and than I guarantee that he will start getting more comfortable πŸ˜€ 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

oh hun, I understand that you must be frustrated and upset! Can you sit down with him and talk about it? Tell him you really want that physical connection with him. Maybe tell him, its making you think that he doesmt want you, etc and it hurts? And make sure he knows, you love him the way he is…

Personally, I think you should address this asap b/c your obviously upset and if its not talked about before marriage, nothing may change. And if its imp to you *it should be), you dont wanna be thinking about getting intimate with someone else to satisfy your needs. Also, if you want kids….then you kind of need a lot of practice.lol.

Take care hun!

 

Post # 6
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe you SHOULD just tell him to man up and fuck you already! Do you initiate, give him massages, BJs or anything like that? Have you tried telling him that his lack of interest is making you feel bad/undesireable? This is anything but healthy…He sounds like he’s afraid of women in general. Maybe you could take some time in a relaxed atmosphere free from distraction, like the bedroom, and teach him what feels good to you and how to do it. That could help to build his confidence…

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

have you had sex at all together?  does he know its not just his penis that can get you to O?  give him some cosmo’s so he will learn there is A LOT of things he can do and be sure to make it fun – to laugh at/with eachother during sex is very important. none of us are porn queen/kings when we are learning our way around our partners body so be sure to relax and laugh

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If he is this way because he feels unsexy and traumatized, maybe it would help if you try to make him feel sexy.

Maybe it would help if he knew that sex is just a learning process in general…what makes one woman happy won’t necessarily make another woman happy (works the same way with men).  Part of the sex process is learning how to make eachother happy and ideally it gets better and better each time.

Perhaps if you said to him that you want to learn how to make him happy at the same time that he’s learning how to make you happy, that would help.  NO ONE is good at sex the first time, it’s something that takes practice.  Practice makes perfect πŸ˜‰  Also, please don’t try and overcompensate by faking anything when he finally is ready, because that will just make him feel bad if he sees through it.  It’s tempting to do that but honesty is always best.

My Fiance is also overweight (…quite a bit overweight…) but to me he is the sexiest man in the world.  He doesn’t always believe me when I tell him that, but he had some of the same insecurities.  I think it helps that I was his first (and so far only) so he didn’t get dumped over his “performance.”  That’s just so hurtful, I’d be so annoyed at that woman!  

Have you tried asking him if there’s anything you can do to help him feel secure about it?  If he’s not ready, he’s not ready and you have to be patient with him, but it sounds like he’s not ready because someone hurt him and that will only get worse the longer he has to reinforce that idea in his mind.

Post # 9
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I can understand being insecure… maybe he just needs to know that you are attracted to him.  Maybe you can try intiating and (at the risk of sounding non consensual..) don’t let his protests stop you, so that he knows you want him.

Post # 10
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm…Blind fold him, and tie him up so he looses all control..and then take charge πŸ˜‰

While I don’t think sex is necessary before marriage, it will matter after marriage. Make sure you take time to figure everything out before you go rushing along! Time is a great healer πŸ™‚

 

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i tried to return the favor but he pushed me away πŸ™ 

as he got you off then hes doing ok so far – does he say anything negative about oral or self pleasing??   i would also suggest a medical to make sure everything is ok. 

Post # 12
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sex is a very important part of a relationship. Since you’re not waiting for religiousreasons, I would be concerned. I couldn’t commit my life & happiness to someone so afraid of intimacy. It’s so unfair for you to be stuck with these issues and he HAS to be willing to work on it. He needs a therapist & a gym membership. I’m being serious. Even just a little physical activity will help his confidence. Honestly I’d suggest not going forward until you’ve made some progress. That’s just sex fiend me speaking πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Make sure he knows that YOU find him incredibly sexy. He will come around, just reassure him that you love him, you are marrying him for crying out loud!, and you just want to be intimate with him to take your relationship be the next level. There is a closeness that occurs between two people who are in love who take that step in their relationship. If you don’t have the perfect sexual chemistry right away, it will get better over time as you learn what each other likes. 

Best of luck!!

Post # 14
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

there is something wrong with a man that doesn’t want to have sex with his fiance. if sex and intimacy is important to you, do not marry this man. 

Post # 15
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@roxymalone:  I think that may be a little unfair.  If the roles were reversed and a guy was saying his fiancee wouldn’t have sex with him, people would be calling him sexist and telling him that he needs to wait for her to be ready, especially if it was because the last time she had been intimate she had been told she wasn’t good enough.  It’s crushing to be told you can’t satisfy someone sexually, especially if it’s the first and only person you’ve ever been intimate with.

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