Post # 1
Some advice would be really appreciated.
I moved in with my fiance last weekend mainly to save up for the wedding, as he was already staying with me full time for the past 8 months or so. ( I was paying rent, he owns his condo). Before moving in together our finances was 100% seperate, but I paid for 90% of the groceries, and paid my own rent, he paid his own mortgage, and when going out for every two times he pays i’ll probably pay once (because he won’t let me pay and makes a big scene).
When discussing moving in together the deal was that I would be saving for the wedding with teh money i am saving from paying rent. I also plan on continue to buy most of our groceries and I have transferred my cable/internet/phone services so ill be paying for that as well. All utilities are included in the condo so he just pays one mortgage.
Here is the dillema, I feel like I should be paying something monthly as I am not a guest and we’re building towards a future and I know he could use the extra cash. But everytime I’ve broached the subject he kind of cuts me off and tells me i can get the groceries. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable but not paying anything will make me feel like a freeload which I am not, and i work full time and make as much money as he does so no reason why i can’t contribute something to the household.
Any advice? who should i bring this up again?
Thanks in advance 🙂
Post # 3
@Starshine32: You’re saving for the wedding, paying a bunch of bills, and food. Isn’t that enough? As long as you’re not crazy spending, once you’re married the money will be combined. Even with separate accounts, in the eyes of the court (i.e. if you were to get divorced), it’s combined income… so IMO you’re totally pulling your weight. Like anything not spent will automatically be savings for the two of you’s future right?
I think you’re doing just fine and should not feel like a freeloader at ALL.
Most couples, depending on who earns more, don’t do 50/50 anyway… they base expenses on percentage of income.
Post # 4
I think you’re doing fine and should not bring this up again. You both discussed the financial responsibilities for living together. If he hasn’t complained or said anything to you about contributing more to the household, then don’t worry! Think of it this way – what you would have paid in rent is going towards the wedding fund, which benefits BOTH OF YOU. I’m not sure from your post whether he’s saving for the wedding as well but if you guys are thinking of your incomes as ONE income now, then your saving for the wedding instead of paying more expenses is a contribution already to your household. 🙂
Post # 5
If he’s fine with it, then I would leave it alone. Perhaps he likes feeling like a provider? You didn’t say who made more but as PP said, often it is based on income.
For example, DH makes a good amount more than me and he’s also way frugal. Even since we’ve lived together (and that’s more than half a decade), he has covered majority of the utilities, all of the rent, and pretty much every time we go out. In exchange, I cover most groceries, one or two bills, all my personal expenses (e.g. my car, my student loans), and most of his clothing (because otherwise, he would never buy new clothes). He also covered the majority of the wedding too.
You’re going to get married and at that point, you are officially a team and everything becomes “we”. So it’s best you get over feeling like a freeloader, especially since he seems to be happy being the main provider.
Post # 6
Agreed. I don’t really see a problem here. Don’t stress over it. You’re saving for your relationship’s future.
Post # 7
If you’re engaged and getting married, it may be time to think of it as joint money. Would it make a difference if… say his mortgage is $1000, and you paid half of that in “rent to him”… and then he put in $500 dollars into the wedding savings account. It sounds pretty silly to me and it all ends up the same. Who exactly pays for what doesn’t really matter at the end of the day when you look at the bigger picture.
Post # 8
@Starshine32: Save, save, save! Put money away for your future. Some day, you’ll want to take a big trip, buy another home, get a new car, etc. So save while you can – I’m in the same boat and have really grown my savings account, which will become “ours” when we get married.
Post # 9
Have you considerd a joint account?
Post # 10
@Starshine32: Why not just keep his place spotless? He’ll appreciate it, and you’ll be contributing in a different way, plus he’ll get to keep his role of “provider” which appeals to a lot of guys.
Post # 11
After you’re married, it’s all legally joint (whether you treat it that way or not by combining finances). So in theory, it doesn’t matter who pays what. It’s all one pot of money. Anything you save now is positive for both of you in the long run.
Post # 12
My fiance and I are doing the same thing, I am saving for the wedding and he is paying the mortgage and bills. You are contributing equally I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 13
If you are buying groceries and putting money away for the wedding, I’d say you are doing more than your fair share and you shouldn’t be feeling ashamed of not helping more. It sounds like you guys have the finances split pretty evenly 🙂
Post # 14
We make around the same amount of money, and im the only one putting the money away for our wedding and hopefully a honeymoon.
I feel a bit better now that i hear everyones opinions.
Thanks so much!
Post # 15
Interestingly, this is almost the exact same set-up as with my DH before marriage. I rented and moved in with him (he owned a condo). He paid the HOA fee and utilities, I paid for most of the groceries and the cable bill. Although we did contribute equally to the wedding. I was on unemployment at the time that I moved in with him, which is why he didn’t want me to pay for more (and he didn’t have a mortgage either, which helped). I wouldn’t sweat it – you’re getting married.