- 5 years ago
I was a person who was always afraid of commitment. Until one day I was introduced to this girl. Her mom and my mom worked together so it was kind of a set up. The first time we hung out we just watched T.V. and talked and got to know each other. A week later she made me dinner and this was our first date and then that is when we were considered dating. She was in school and so was I at the time so we only would get too see each other on the weekends and maybe a day during the week. We became really close and I loved spending time with her and being around her and her family.
When school was done for the year I had graduated and she moved back home which was nice because we only live 20 min away. During the summer there might have been only a hand full of days where we didnt see each other and those days were hard. We just loved spending time with each other and we never would fight. In July she told me that she wanted to get engaged. I was a little shocked by that because I felt like I wasnt ready yet. So I started to do some soul searching and realized I had never felt like this with anyone before and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I made some lifestyle changes so I could prove to her and myself that I was ready to get married. In the middle of July I proposed to her and she was so happy and so was I.
The rest of the summer went on like we were still dating and we couldn’t be apart from each other. At the end of August she had to move back to school which was going to be really hard from almost seeing her everyday to just on the weekends. I would go down and visit her during the week for a day which felt good to do. As school went on I could tell we started to become more distant from each other. We would still hang out on the weekends when she came home but I could tell something was bothering her. She called me one day and told me she wanted to wait till she was done with school to get married. At the time I was a little upset because I was so excited to get married this summer and I didnt want to wait for whole year. I should have listened to her.
In the third week of October we had our engagement pictures taken. I thought everything was going to ok, she seemed so happy and so did I. Two weeks later I get the news that changed my life and she texts me saying she doesn’t love me as much as I love her. She wants to take a break and not talk. Well for a week I was just in so much pain because I didnt know where we stood with each other. I didn’t know if we were gonna get back together and she just needed some time or if we were just broken up and that was the end of it.
A week later I had to meet her and talk to her. She agreed to meet and we talked and I told her everything that was in my heart and we both cried and we both laughed. She told me that she thought that after we got engaged I stopped trying and didn’t do the little things. After going through this I realized I did take some things for granted but I never thought I would come to this. After we met she texted me saying she was really happy with had this talk and we were just going to start things slow with each other. She gave me the ring back to hold onto because I told her I would love to give it back to her in the future. So for that week we were texting and not so much talking on the phone as much as we used to and she was really stressed about school which I sure was part of the problem. Last Saturday I made her dinner and we watched some movies. At first it was a little weird but then when we sat down to watch the movies everything felt like it was back to normal.
Then the other day we were skyping and I asked her if we were still on for seeing a movie this Saturday and she told me she didn’t want to. She said that but us talking and hanging out she didn’t want to lead me on thinking we were just going to get back together and she never got the space that she needed. So right now I feel like I’m back at square one with everything. We had such a good thing going together that I can’t see it ending and us not being able to work things out. I mean she said yes to marrying me. She told me she loves me and cares about me but she wants to feel it as much as I do for her.
Right now I’m just lost and searching for answers. It’s so hard not to talk to her and I’m worried she is going to find someone better than me. Is there any chance that we do get back together? My mom and her mom think she will come around and she is just confused on what she wants right now. Her mom and dad went through the same thing but they were’t engaged. Her mom broke up with her dad for like 2 months and she realized she wanted him back and then they got married. It kind of was the same situation with her sister but her husband spent a year and a half in prison and she was pregnet and she filed for divorce and now he his out of prison and they are expecting another child. So i dont know if this is just something that runs in their family or what. I just wish I knew what the future held because all I see in my future is her.
The last time I saw her was the last Saturday of November and after that I decided to just let her be. But yesterday her sister had her baby so I just texted her and told her congratulations and we just texted for a while about her school and me and my job. It was really hard because she came home from school to see the bais hand I should have been there with her because that could potentially be my niece. So today I’m back to not talking. I just don’t know how long I should wait before I ask her where this is going to go. The last time I saw her I askshe her if she had her mind made up about not being with me and if she was just dragging me along. She said she didn’t have her mind made up. She said she loves me but not enough to get married right now. It just hurts because I lost my best friend and she said we need to take this time to work on ourselves before we can get back together.