(Closed) Fiancee called off wedding and moved back home with parents out of state

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, okay.  You said a lot of stuff, but a lot of it doesn’t really matter.  Dude she took off 2 months before your wedding.

She is not ready to get married.  I would move on with your life and pursue other things.  Maybe you’ll get back together, but now is not that time.

Post # 4
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Cut the cord and move on.  If her family doesn’t support your relationship, that will always be an issue.  It’s not fair to expect this girl to come back and then cut off her family.  It also sounds like she is immature and not ready for the longterm commitment of marriage.  Not to mention she feels guilty for “living in sin” with you.

You sound like a young and successful guy that can easily find another woman who is totally into you with parents that might actually like you.  Take a year off of this girl with no pressure to get back together or date other people unless you want to.  Stop calling her and allow her to get back into contact with you if that is what she wants.

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

#1- Stop saying you “took” her virginity.

Post # 6
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The girl you have described sounds like she has no idea who she is.  She knows who you want her to be.  She knows who her family wants her to be.  But she hasn’t decided who she wants to be.  I was that girl once upon a time.   I broke up with my serious boyfriend and later put a ton of distance between myself and my family.  I needed the space and freedom to figure out who I was as a person.  I discovered that apart from my family I still believed in God and was a Christian and wanted to live according to my beliefs.  I also found out a lot about who I was in other areas of life.  I quit trying to meet everyone else’s expecations of me.  I had to figure out me for me.

Let her do this. Stop contacting her.  Maybe at some point she’ll go on a quest, like I did, to find out what her identity is – based on her own beliefs and not everyone elses.

I’m so sorry you got hurt in this.  But you need to let her go.  Move on with your life.  Don’t wait around for her.  When she does discover who she is, she won’t be the same person you love.  Similar, but not the same.

Post # 7
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sweetie78:  +1 I super wanted to say something about that, too.

Post # 8
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sweetie78:  +One Billion. She might have given you her virginity, but you didn’t take it. That seems like a common theme. Everyone is acting like (and probably promoting the concept) this girl is completely passive, and that other people are moving her around and dictating her life for her. That might well be the case, but it’s because of her own lack of control.

 

Someone like this isn’t ready to be married or ready to be in a committed relationship. I think you’re probably better off without her.

Post # 9
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@cali_cali:  Aw, I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I think you need to give her some space. No morning texts!

I am not sure if you’ll get back together, but she sounds pretty messed up right now. It sounds like she’s blaming you for her choices (like the sex thing).

Give her some time.

She hasn’t been exactly nice throughout all of this, and did a pretty mean thing by just calling off the wedding and leaving you hanging so I am not sure I’d want to be back with someone like that. At least you weren’t married when all this happened.

All you can really do is distance yourself. Maybe give yourself a timeline… like if nothing changes in 3 months or something, give up on the relationship.

Post # 10
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry you are going through this but to be honest my dear she is definitely not ready for marriage because it seems that her mother is still pulling strings and wants to pick her future husband. When you dont care what anyone thinks because you love this person that is when you know no one can tell you anything. Yes, you may have had an argument and it may have gotten heated but in every relationship there are ups and downs and we all work through it.

No one is perfect but it is those ups and downs that make us stronger couples and our relationships has moved to a more deeper relationship. If you are the man of her dreams then as her mother and sisters are talking she will listen and when she is by herself she will remember what you mean to her and make a decision about what she feels is best for her.

You just have to leave her alone and hopefully she will realize what you mean to her. Just be patient and dont contact her because each time you do the mother is saying negative things and if you two decide to move forward there will be a wedge because of the things that were said by the mother. 

BIG HUG 

Post # 11
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Asia:  +1

Post # 12
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Cut your losses and move on. You learned some things and hopefully so did she. 

Post # 13
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

There is nothing you can do. She was young andimmature and passive, so she lived how you wanted to live (in your town, having sex). She realized she doesn’t want to do that anymore. But instead of finding independence, she went backhome to the person she used to be. In time she will either stay the person she wants them to be, or find a way to figure out who she is. 

You didn’t do anything wron.  It’s notyour fault that she went along with you. Tell her you love her and trust that she can make the right decision and you will leave her alone to make that decision. 

Post # 14
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

@KoiKove:  I’d just add that he hopes she makes the right decision for her.

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

@sweetie78:  YES. It’s a really barbaric notion.

Anyways, you need to move on. It’s clear she’s not ready to come back and be married…she bought a one way ticket for goodness sakes.

The topic ‘Fiancee called off wedding and moved back home with parents out of state’ is closed to new replies.

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