Fiancee has doubts about getting married.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Sorry bee that you’re hurting but it sounds pretty much like a break up to me except Mandy can’t bring herself to actually do the breaking up. 

Let her have her space.  She doesn’t want to discuss this at all with you right now.  She knows she dropped a bomb but isn’t ready to deal with the fallout.  

Post # 3
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
sallyloves90 :  You can try premarital counseling but it sounds like mandy isnt ready for commitment.

Post # 4
Member
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sallyloves90 :  

Oh, ouch, Bee. This one has gotta hurt. A lot.  I’m sure your head is spinning. Don’t forget to breathe.

How old is Mandy? Is she closed up about her feelings, in general?

Unfortunately, you’re in the thoroughly awful position of not being able to do a damn thing. Mandy has not only failed to respond to your attempts to communicate, she has blocked you.

Maybe that will change and she will agree to talk to you. Typically, that make things worse for the dumpee. 

If you managed to reconcile someday, would you ever feel on a firm footing? Could you ever regain trust for someone who deceived you in such a hurtful way?

 

Post # 5
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think it is alarming that she still hasn’t come home after work and I hate to put this in your head but most of the time when someone breaks off a serious relationship in a way that seems so abrupt there is usually someone else in the picture. 

Check in with us when she gets home and try to do something this evening to keep your mind off it! 

You need to have a serious talk when she does come back. The way she has dealt with this is very immature and that must make it hurt more. 

Post # 6
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Wow. That’s definitely not what you want. I’m sorry. It does feel like a bit of a split. I have been on your dumbfounded side of the equation. A marriage is what you want and it feels obvious. It’s hard to have any idea of someone else’s perspective, especially if they have not vocalized it. With my ex I thought everything was great. We got engaged, got rings, started planning, then I came home day and was told that it was over. It was a huge surprise. 

It’s a really really sucky position to be in. I wouldn’t try to leave a million messages or something. If you ultimately want her to communicate with you, try to be as open as possible. Ugh. I’m sorry. I remember being in your shoes and it was just a sucker punch. There are people out there who honestly want marriage and are ready for the commitment. I hope you find one of those people next if this situation isn’t mended.

Post # 7
Bee
5199 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
zzar45 :  +1

Yes, there’s someone else in the picture who has made her reconsider marriage and monogamy. 

I’m sorry OP. This hurts. All you can do is be glad it didn’t occur after you married. Don’t try to save anything, it’s basically over. She wants to experience others, so let her. But one of you needs to move out.

Post # 8
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Out all night? Out of touch? It’s another person in her life.  They probably gave her an ultimatum. 

Post # 11
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

Her behavior is cruel and unjustified, so I’m sorry for that, Bee. Since you share a home and finances, she’ll obviously have to speak to you eventually. I don’t know if she’s seeing someone else; she could just be hiding out at someone’s house because she’s not ready to talk yet, and she knows she’ll have to if she goes home. Either way, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. 

ETA: I’m sorry; I didn’t see your update. 🙁

Post # 12
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

She’s being really awful and mean. There are kinder ways to call off a wedding. There really are.  Kinder and way more mature ways. 

I think it’s ridiculous that she thinks she gets to call all the shots in when and how this is dealt with. 

At least its before the wedding otherwise you’d have paid for a wedding and then a divorce. 

 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Why is she lying about the Uber and bar(s)?

Why would she feel the need to lie if she wasn’t hiding something (whether big or small)? 

You deserve better than this in a relationship AND in a break up (if that’s what’s going down here). 

Post # 14
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee

This is so awful for you. You must feel that your heart is breaking. Not just to have your partner call the wedding off but to think that she may also be lying to you. She is acting immaturely and behaving like a coward.  I agree that there may be something else going on. If it was just plain cold feet wouldn’t she just tell you she was having these feelings and you two could talk about it? Has she ever acted like this before when she is stressed?

Try to get some sleep and get your thoughts together. In the morning let her know you need the truth and that you deserve an explanation. Prepare yourself.

Post # 15
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
sallyloves90 :  He bee, asked my partner about the situation and we talked about it a little. We both agreed that even if we weren’t feeling secure about the wedding, we would never go radio silent for 24 hours after dropping the news and then show up drunk and lying about what happened since.

We dont know if your fiance cheated or just wants you to think so as retribution for not answering her texts earlier, but either way it’s a calculated move to make you feel pain and anxiety and that is never healthy. I think you should call the whole damn thing off and be thankful she’s showing her true colors now and not blind siding you with it 5 years into marriage like some people do.

I’m really sorry you are hurting. I hope you land on your feet and keep in mind that it’s not you, it really is her.

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