Fiancee has doubts about getting married.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Yep, I’d be the fuck outta there, too. This whole situation is full of lies, such bullshit. Even drunk, she’s still trying to control the situation and make up shit.

Post # 17
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Her handling of this situation shows your fiance is a controlling, manipulative person who is showing you who she is. Be glad this is happening BEFORE you married her. Take control of the situation. Dump her ass. You deservse so much better bee!

Post # 18
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

I can’t believe she’s being this awful to you. She sounds selfish and downright mean. I know you might not feel this way right now, but you are much better off without her in your life.

Post # 19
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m so sorry Bee. You must be feeling so hurt. It is absolutely cruel of her to do something like this and then come home tipsy, lying, and refusing to talk about it. Try and do something nice for yourself and reach out to your family or friends if you feel you can talk to them about this.

Post # 20
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like she’s cheating, if you want me to be perfectly honest. (That’s the first place my mind went anyway.) 

This also sounds like a breakup, not just cold feet and, even if it was just cold feet, I don’t know if I would want to continue being in a relationship with her anyway. She’s sitting there making decisions that involve both of you in her head and REFUSES to discuss why with you and I’m sorry but that’s not the kind of person that makes a good partner. 

Post # 21
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Hugs Bee, this is devastating.  I have to agree with the PP’s that there is likely someone else in the picture.  Maybe not to cheating yet, but someone who is making her reconsider being in a marriage.  I can’t really think of what else would prompt her to question if she wanted to be with one person the rest of her life except for the existence of another person.  Either way, she is treating you super shitty and I hope you follow through with taking care of yourself!  

Post # 22
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

View original reply
sallyloves90 :  I’m going to reiterate what other people have said: you are supposed to be getting married in 2 seconds and all of a sudden she is not on board, she’s getting drunk and lying about where she is and who she is with? There is someone else. She owes you an explanation and she doesn’t get to do this to you.

Post # 24
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
sallyloves90 :  My heart goes out to you.  Going forward, stay strong.  Realize this is the real person you’re dealing with and the other one, the one you thought you were going to marry, was her false persona.  She just finally revealed her true colors.  Believe her when she tells you she’s a “self-sabotoger.”  She’s also a relationship sabotager and a hurtful person to someone who loves her.

Put her in your rearview mirror.  And, be prepared, she will (100% chance of this) come back begging.  If you take her back be prepared for more of the same pain.  Your best bet is to cut your losses now and know you dodged a lifetime bullet.  You deserve better and you will find better in the long run.

Post # 25
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Self sabatoger = “I’m selfish and self centered and I choose to do whatever I want and I refuse to control my actions or be held accountable for them”.  

There is nothing accidental or unconscious on her end or she would’ve done something about her “tendencies” long ago. Please keep that in mind when she blows your phone up begging to get back together and asking for forgiveness for actions she knows she will repeat if you took her back for a second. 

So many hugs bee.  I’m so sorry you’re going thru this.

Post # 26
Member
10315 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Mandy sucks and you deserve better. Sorry bee.

Post # 27
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m so sorry, Bee.  You’re going to be just fine.  I’m glad you found out about all of this before the wedding.  I’m glad your family is supportive of you.  Lean on them when you need to and take one day at a time. 

Post # 28
Member
14009 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m sorry this happened to you. And yes, I immediately suspected the co-worker. Her behavior is obviously unforgivable. At this point, her so called confusion should translate to certainty on your end that this is not the right person for you. It’s a shame she had to end things this way.

I’m sure it does not feel like this now, but you dodged a bullet. 

Post # 29
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m so sorry Bee. How terribly hurtful of her to cheat and on top of it, continue lying to you after the fact! My heart goes out to you. Please lean on your family and friends for support right now and treat yourself with the most loving care and cut contact with her. If you have joint finances, I would start untangling those right now.

Post # 30
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

DELETED MY ORIGINAL POST AS I HAD MISSED THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS POST FROM OP ( THE CHEATING PART ) Thanks to another posted who pointed out to me.

 

ETA: DELTED POST. REASON GIVEN ABOVE

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