(Closed) Fiancee lives at the gym

posted 5 years ago in Fitness
Post # 3
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@greenidlady:  Instead of thinking about how it’s making you feel, try talking to him about why he’s going twice a day.  Does he have some fitness goal that he’s working towards for a short amount of time?  Is he going for social interaction; are his friends all at the gym?  Does he go to work during the day or is he in a “gym/tan/laundry” mode?  Was he in a high stress environment in Kuwait?  Did he experience trauma that he could be trying to deal with through physical exercise?  6 days a week in the gym is still a pretty full fitness schedule, so even though 2x a day is a lot, it’s not like he went from nothing to everything.  

I say this because I recently had a similar conversation with my Darling Husband, except it was about why I was running so much and whether it would continue forever, and we addressed how my committment to running made him feel.  Personally, I was/am running to achieve fitness goals, to process inner demons, to meet people/make friends, to spend more time outdoors, etc, with some combination of all these factors playing a part in why I run on any given day.  Depending on what else you both do during the day with your time, you just need to talk it out.  If the gym is his therapy after coming back from Kuwait, it would be helpful to know that so that you can better understand why he’s working out so much and also to start a conversation about those thoughts/feelings.  

Also, since you are expressing that you’re lonely when he’s at the gym, I’m assuming you’d be able to go with him to the gym.  Maybe you can start going together and he can help you train; it would give you something to do as a couple and bring you closer. Plus, getting sweaty together in the gym could lead to amorous times at home.

Post # 4
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t know if this is a realistic option for you but have you two considered investing in some home gym equipment instead of that gym membership?

Post # 5
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, I am one that NEEDS to work out almost every day. If not, it really affects my mood. Exercise releases all sort of neurotransmitters and regulates hormones related to mood. Although it may be kind of annoying that he’s working out a lot, it is a stress reliever. It’s also better than going to a bar or casino. However, like anything in life, moderation is key. If you believe that his excessive gym use is covering up a bigger probelm, have you suggested counseling? 

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with other two comments! I would go to the gym with him, as well. Hope things get better!

Post # 7
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

How long does he spend at the gym each time? Can you go with him every morning/evening so at least it’s a joint activity once a day? I exercise 8-10 hours/week so I understand the addiction, but twice a day every day is a little excessive if you aren’t training for anything and it is causing a problem in your relationship.

Post # 8
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

maybe it’s how he deals with stress?  if you want more time with him maybe you could see if he would be open to you going with him during one of the times

Post # 9
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Being the one that occasionally goes twice a day, I agree with talking to him about why he does.  Does he know that it bothers you?  Would he be happy to have you join him?

Post # 10
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@greenidlady:  Sorry, but i’m just like your Fiance. As a fellow gym rat, when I miss my workout for any reason, I feel off for the entire day and lazy. Now I don’t go twice a day, but I know people do when they’re trying to reach a goal or break a plateau. I think it’ll pass in time once he reaches his goal, but until then, try going with him? I think it would be fun, and maybe you’ll get addicted to exercise too!

Post # 13
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@greenidlady:  So he’s doing fasted cardio.  That’s why he’s up in the mornings.  He can’t lift then.  Are you still at work when he’s lifting or is he doing this when you get home?  Could he go earlier?

Post # 14
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not sure, maybe you could compromise. Like, the days he goes twice to the gym ask him to try to think about your feelings and maybe we he gets home he can rub your back or you can do something special together

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