(Closed) Fiancee wants to put it off longer…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

How long is he trying to put it off for? Months? Years? Also what are his reasons?

I wanted a to get married about 8 months after we got engaged but Fiance made me realize that my dream wedding would cost money and we’d need to save for 15 months.  So, we are having a longer engagement to save. 

Post # 4
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d try to delve in to his reasoning and thought process.  Talk at a time when you can be somewhat emotionally detached and accepting of what he has to say.  Is he getting deployed soon?  That can sometimes be a factor (ask EJS about that).

Try to figure out what your common goals are and whether you can use those commonalities to find a timeline that works for both of you.

Hopefully that helps.  (FWIW we had a 15 month engagement, and it was perfect for us).

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Well you’re already engaged, so the rest can’t just “happen naturally”… some steps need to be taken. 🙂 I agree with Mrs. DG: you need to sit down and have a conversation about when it’s going to happen, and set a date.

Post # 6
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee

What do you think is causing him to feel this way in wanting to postpone the wedding?  Is there some reason?  Will he have to go to Iraq?  Does he have a sick parent?  Have you dated for a long time?  Because I think that if it was a short engagement, he may be a bit scared.  I think you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart.  Maybe he just doesn’t want to rush things after seeing what has happened to his military friends who have rushed into marriage.  In my opinion, I think it’s always better to take the time to get to know a person rather than rush into getting married.  So what if it’s two more months.  You still have the rest of your lives together.  I think the more you push him, the more he may resist and not want to get married.  Men need space.  That’s their big thing.  Maybe he has cold feet.  A lot of guys do.  Just think of it this way, it would be better to get married to someone that loves you back than force someone to marry you right?

Post # 7
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

Talk to him and fifure out exactly how far he wants to “put if off” and his reasoning. Either he’ll have a great logical reason, or maybe he’s getting cold feet? Either way, it’s best to know as soon as possible.

Post # 9
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My FH did kinda the same thing.  We were both so excited when we first got engaged.  Both of us were talking about attendants, # of guests, locations, ect.  Then all of a sudden he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.  He never wanted to postpone the wedding, but talking about the wedding made him get kinda nasty.  It hurt my feelings and we finally talked it out (which took forever sometimes it is like pulling teeth), but he finally told me that it was feeling overwhelming to him and spending all of this $ made him uncomfortable.  Ever since we talked it out he is back on board.  You just need to talk to him.

Post # 10
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Glad to hear that y’all got to talk about it. 

Maybe he’s having a kind of adjustment period between the proposal and the planning part.  He could have been in the “i’m going to propose” mindset and suddenly he’s in a (happy) shock of -“woah, i’m engaged! dude!”. 

 

Post # 11
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

LOL @ Bananagirl “dude!”

I agree with the other bees, sometimes it can be a rush  and scary thing to jump into wedding planning. You just decided you want to spend your life with this person and now there are SO MANY more decisions to make?? We have a 18 month engagement (were originally planning long-distance), and it’s been wonderful because I am not stressed over the little things – alteast not yet anyways!

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