(Closed) Fiancee wont tell friends or family????? HELP

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Is he planning on buying the ring soon?  Perhaps he knows he’ll catch some heat if you ll tell people you’re engaged and they see there’s no ring.  Some bees come on here saying they get those “you’re not really engaged if you don’t have a ring” responses.

I wouldn’t look too hard at it without talking to him.  Maybe he’s insecure about his family.  Maybe succesful older brothers who’d rib him for not having a ring.  You can always ask him why it’s so important to have that ring first.  But if he’s planning on getting the ring soon, maybe you can wait to see what ahppens then.

Post # 4
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Is he maybe afraid that people will think he’s cheap or something for not having got the ring? I certainly wouldn’t think anything of the sort myself, but men can be funny. Specially about one-upmanship etc. I know my Fiance felt it important to have the ring got before he proposed, and I think he wanted his proposal to be the equal of anyone’s, for me telling friends etc, he didn’t want it to seem less (impressive/romantic/whatever) than anyone else’s. Know what I mean?

Post # 6
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Generally, men who propose without a ring are considered not financially stable enough to provide for a new family or they are considered not serious in actually getting married. It is nice you don’t need a ring to feel engaged, but I’m sure right now he is more concerned with what other people are going to think about him. The first question anybody asks me when I tell them I am engaged is “Ooo, can I see the ring?”

I wouldn’t worry about it. If he isn’t comfortable with telling people until you have a ring, just go with it. It sounds like you are emotionally stable enough in your relationship that you don’t need everyone knowing about your plans until you have a ring. If it would make your Fiance feel more comfortable then just wait a little while longer.

Post # 7
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

That’s a tough spot for you. I would be killing to give the news to everyone. I could see why he is trying to wait. Did he say when he is going to be able to buy a ring?  he sounds like a good guy. Someone who wants to the old fashioned way of doing it but bit of poor planning on his part because obviously you wearing an engagement was important since he doesnt want to tell anyone about it.

Ultimately, the ring is not what makes the engagement. It’s only a symbol, so whether you have it now or later it does not matter.

If not already done, you should sit down with him and redefine to him what the ring symbolizes, maybe it will change his mind.

Post # 8
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can understand him not wanting to tell anyone.  It may not be a big deal to you about not having the ring, but traditionally–the ring is the sign and promise to marry, and that may be how he feels.

Regardless of how you feel about it, if he isn’t ready to tell anyone because he is uncomfortable about the ring–then go with it.  im sure you’re busting at the seams-perhaps ‘set a date’ to tell everyone–regardless if you have the ring or not?

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Meh, it’s important for the guy I think. Once he has the ring on your finger, if he’s STILL not telling everyone, be concerned. But if he feels the ring is what is the icing on the cake for the engagement, just go with it.

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think not telling his family because he hasn’t bought a ring is completely stupid and selfish.  My parents and my FIs would have been so hurt if they found out we hid our engagement and for a dumb reason like that.  A week isn’t so bad, but if he still refuses after like a month, that doesn’t really sit right with me!  I hope he tells them soon! Besides he can always say that he wanted you to be the one to pick it out so he wanted to wait until you found one you liked!

Post # 12
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My fiance called his parents right away, but there was no one else he really wanted to call… I think it was just being lazy for him though.  He knew that I’d be calling most of their sginificant others that I hang out with, and new that they’d find out eventually… could just be that?!

Post # 13
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would highly suggest not to judge or over analyze your Fiance just yet. There are guys out there (like my brother) who can proudly announce he’s young, no job, going right back to school, getting married and his parents will be paying for everything (ring, wedding and honeymoon). He was definitely judged by a lot of people but he didn’t care. He’s still financially dependant, his parents could easily afford it without going into dept and he could marry the love of his life now instead of wating 5 more years, and he doesnt mind admitting all that.

Then there are guys like my SO who are super sensitive about being financially responsible before getting married. Whatever I, my parents, or his parents say won’t matter to him that’s just how he is. He wanted to have enough money for the ring and the wedding before we got engaged and it took forever for everyone else to talk him into allowing some help.

I think it’s likely that your Fiance is responsible and I think that is pretty awesome! Sometimes they cares these things even if you say you don’t need anything to be married or get engaged so don’t take it personal, it has nothing to do with you!

Post # 14
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Is he going to buy the ring soon?  If so, just wait it out.

Post # 15
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I asked my guy to marry me and although he was super excited he also wanted us to wait til he got me a ring before we told everyone.  He may just be traditional that way. Don’t sweat it. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

nobody, and I mean NOBODY AT ALL, took my engagement seriously until I had the ring. it was annoying.

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