(Closed) Fiancee’s in wedding pictures?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Hi mmgood!

When my FH’s brother got married my FH and I weren’t engaged yet but I still was a part of their family.  What they did was take two sets – one with me included and one without me.  I thought it worked out well!

 

Post # 4
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

I think you have to include her in some of the pictures, but not all. I mean, if your Fiance had a brother and you weren’t included in his family photos at the wedding, you’d be hurt, wouldn’t you? And despite how you may be interpreting their attitude towards getting married, you can’t really know how they’re feeling about it. If they really do intend to get married (perhaps waiting to talk about it so as not to steal your thunder right before your wedding), it would be a horrible slap in the face to exclude the fiancee.

That being said, there’s nothing wrong with having a few "blood relatives only" photos without any spouses at all. Or have so many combinations of people that it’s not obvious that one or two don’t include the fiancee. For various reasons, we had to exclude DH’s father from a family photo, and we tried to make it unobtrusive by having people switch in and out fairly often.

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee

2 sets works for the smaller family pics. My sister was married 5 years ago and i hadnt even been dating my now fiance for a year yet. we did a couple of pics with both options. I’m so happy to have those pics as a family since it "worked out" haha

Post # 6
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree that your brother and his Fiance not talking about wedding plans can be interpreted several different ways. There are lots of reasons for being engaged without having set s firm date – just because they aren’t as into the wedding thing as you right now doesn’t mean they aren’t serious about getting married.  And you know how these things go – the minute you have a ring, everybody wants to know the date.  The minute you get married, everybody wants to know when you’ll start having kids.  Some people just value their privacy more than others – or maybe there are private issues that you don’t know about.

I agree with the other bees that you should include her in some pictures.  You can also take pictures that are family only, and blood relatives only – most people do.  If you take enough group pictures, you can include the Fiance in a lot and also have a lot without her.  If things don’t work out between them for some reason, she won’t be in every picture.  And if they do, you won’t have slighted your FI’s brother and his wife to the point that there are hard feelings.

Post # 8
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My fiance and I had been together for 5 years when my sister got married (in 2004) and he was not included in the photos.  I didn’t think twice about it and neither did he.  It is a sort of place of honor.  Yes, we are weird

My older brother and his wife were married last October and did not include my fiance and my younger brother’s fiancee in the formal pictures.  I don’t think they did it on purpose but they were running late with photos.  Brother’s fiancee got visably upset at the church.  Older brother and his new wife noticed that she was upset and didn’t know why. We ended up taking a picture with family plus significant others at the reception.  We could’ve done without the drama.  I plan on including her in some of the formal pictures as well as my FI’s brother’s girlfriend.

Post # 9
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

And that is why you detail to the photographer in advance what group and family photos you want.  That way all the photo groups that get taken are "on purpose," and you don’t have to try to think about it while a million other things are going on.

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I agree with the ideas posted above, but just wanted to add a little food for thought. There’s really no reason to exclude a fiancee but include a married couple. With the rate of divorce in this country, there’s a good chance that one of your non-blood, married relatives won’t be around at some point due to divorce. They’d be just as "awkward" in the wedding photos after the fact as would the finacee (if the couple split).

Best option is to take a variety of groupings. I doubt anyone would be upset at a couple of "blood only" photos mixed in with the rest. Afterall, those are the people you’ve spent your whole life with!

Post # 11
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I agree with the "have them in some, but not all" pics.  I think its definitely a good idea to include them!  Very soon they will be your family!

 Are you new to these boards mmgood?  I havent really seen you around here 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Good point dani!  My FI’s mom tossed all the photos that included his ex-wife as soon as she found out his ex cheated on him – which was after she left him and the kids but before the divorce was actually final.  (She has some strong feelings about adultery.)  Anyway, a whole lot of family Christmases and Easters and Thanksivings went in the garbage can! Although now you could just photoshop out the unwanted people…

Post # 13
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Good point, Suzanno.  Just make sure to talk things over with the photographer before and make sure they bring the list.   I should have mentioned in my previous post that my brother and his wife talked to the photographer about it before hand but he still forgot. Make sure to have an extra list handy in case the photog loses it, etc.

Post # 14
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Arrrgh!  I will absolutely double-check with my photographer.  How frustrating for your brother and his wife!!  We have spent a lot of time detailing for the photographer what group shots we want, and there is no way I will be remembering all that on the actual day.

Post # 15
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

fi & i have been dating for 6 yrs & he has been in dozens of family photos. now were getting married & i wouldnt dream of excluding a sibs long term sig-other in group photos just bc they arent married or engaged. i DO agree that there could be a dani-style "blood only" photo without hurting feelings if you are particularly concerned.

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