(Closed) Fiance/Girl Best Friend. Don't know what to think!!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

YIKES, whatever the case, this is going to fuel a fire of insecurity that has been building in you.

Don’t ignore this any longer, because it will have an impact on your relationship. You need to address it NOW with him. And it really seems that he has an ultimatium, you or his friend. That’s it, point blank.

He is going to make YOU his wife and those type of ‘best friend’ relationships are put on the back burner for you. No more secret texts or flirting with other women.

Post # 4
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@caseybop1:  one, my eyebrows raised at the thigh. Nuh-uh, no way is that cool. However I wouldn’t jump to conclusion about the text yet. She might be going through something really personal and private and doesn’t want anybody to know. Knowing that you were using his phone, he could have deleted it out of respect for her privacy. Just ask.

Post # 5
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Since he let you use his phone a willingly and you weren’t snooping I would bring this up. If you don’t mention it it will bother you forever. I don’t think their behavior is acceptable at all and I definitely would not feel ok with it!

Post # 6
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think the best way to get an answer is to ask.  be honest and ask him why he felt the need to delete it.

Post # 8
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I never get this whole “best friend” thing. Maybe it’s just me, but Fiance and I are each other’s best friends. We have been since about a year into our relationship (more than 5 years ago).

If you guys are getting married, I firmly believe that he should consider YOU his very best friend, and give your feelings priority.

 

The flirting is so definitely not cool.

Post # 9
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Trust your instinct. The flirting is weird, as is the erasing of the conversation. I have good male friends, and my husband has a good female friend, but all of our communications with these people are 100% out in the open. I also have never, ever been touched on the thigh by one of my male friends. It’s just…weird.

I hope you guys can work this out, but you should address it, and don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re overreacting, being a nag, whatever. His behavior is inappropriate.

Post # 12
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Can people of the opposite sex truly, TRULY, just be friends, and have no attraction towards each other? In his opinion, and I agree, maybe females can think a guy is just a friend, but it is very hard for a guy to be friends with a girl and not have a least a small amount of feelings for them. I wish it weren’t true but after college I just feel like that’s reality.

I would be very very wary. I wish I could tell you otherwise but TRUST your instinct. Nothing has probably happened yet but he’s got to make a choice.

Post # 13
Member
9203 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Honestly, I would just ask him about the deleted texts.  Not in an accusatory way, but in a way where you’re confused why he would do that – can he explain?  Be honest and tell him it makes you feel like he’s hiding something from you which is a sucky feeling.  Hopefully you know him well enough to be able to tell if he is / would lie to you, so you can rationally believe or not believe what he says as a response. (FI knows I am a terrible liar and could tell if I were lying, I know he hates lying and would be obviously uncomfortable if he were doing so, etc.)

Re: the flirting, sometimes alcohol does bring out that kind of more touchy behavior but it can be 100% innocent.  (Um, guilty as charged right here.)  I think the fact that he felt badly, apologized, etc is a really good sign.

Post # 16
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It sounds like the flirting was simply too much to drink and nothing to be worried about. As far as the text, I think you should just pull your head together and tell him that you saw that he deleted the text, you didn’t read it and don’t need to know what it’s about and respect his privacy, but it made you feel insecure when you noticed it had been deleted. If he’s already noticed your change in mood, it’s best to just put it out there and have a converstion. I’m sure he’ll be able to put your mind at ease. My Fi has a female best friend and they even dated at one point long ago and now I’ve become very close with her. I had a male Boyfriend or Best Friend for a long time (over time we’ve just grown apart) and it can be difficult for the significant other sometimes. But I do believe that these relationships can be strictly friends!

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