Fiancé's aunt performing ceremony – weird or not?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
6263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

We asked my husband’s father to marry us – my idea.  I don’t think it’s weird at all to have a family member do the ceremony.  It actually made it far more special to us. What is weird is that she’s “taking over” instead of following your decisions about your wedding – I’d put a stop to that for sure.  Talk to your fiance and come to a compromise about what you’d like her role to be.  Then tell her what’s what (politely) so that the person you’d originally chosen isn’t taking a complete backseat.  It may be she misunderstood what you wanted.  It may be that morally/ethically she feels she must take on a certain role or she can’t validate the marriage.  Won’t know until you inquire.

Post # 3
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Not weird for a family member to be part of the ceremony if they are ordained. Unless you make it weird…

Post # 4
2704 posts
Sugar bee

It isn’t at all weird. My daughter is getting married next week and her uncle is officiating. We are honored to have him do it. I really wouldn’t want to sign off on a wedding as an officiant if someone else had performed the ceremony. Let her do it. If he isn’t officially ordained, it’s just someone randomly talking IMO. What would happen when he got to the “by the power vested in me” part?

Post # 5
425 posts
Helper bee

I actually love the thought of a close friend or family member marrying a couple. Its a nice personal touch and allows yet one more person you love to be included in the big day. 

Post # 7
9375 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Not weird at all. Actually I think it’s weirder that you expect her to sign the license and not perform the ceremony and wouldn’t be surprised at all that she has a problem with that.

Post # 8
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Wouldn’t the person who is actually ordained need to perform at least the legally required aspects of the ceremony in your state for it to be legal? It sounds like you guys are kind of asking his aunt to do something shady by just signing your marriage license but not participating in the ceremony. She probably just wants to make sure your marriage will be legal.

Can your pastor get ordained online? But to answer your question, no, it’s not weird to have a family member marry you, lots of people do that.

Post # 9
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It wouldn’t be weird for her to do the ceremony, but it sounds like you really want to be married by your own pastor, which is a different issue entirely, and it’s a legitimate desire of yours. I don’t know if you’re already at the point of no return with including FI’s aunt, but check into the laws in your state and county regarding the requirements for someone officiating your marriage. The way many people are able to get a relative or friend to marry them is by having the person designated as a deputy clerk for a day (you pay a fee and fill out a form with the county clerk-recorder). This is available in my area, for example. Some people do it by having their friend ordained online, but this isn’t always necessary.

Anyway, maybe look into it, because these days with people being able to be married by whomever they want, it shouldn’t be difficult to have your pastor get the appropriate certification, if he’s willing, to actually perform your marriage officially.

Post # 11
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

It is not weird to have a family member marry you.  My cousin did my ceremony.  Im pretty sure for your Aunt to sign the papers she has to perform the legal parts.  It is not unusual for someone to officiate the ceremony and then someone else step in to do the legal part and then the step back aside for the original person to finish.   

Post # 12
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think for it to be legal and not shady the person signing the license needs to be the person who is actually marying you, which is probably why she’s pushing to do the legal part of the ceremony. Otherwise it’s basically fraud right? 

Your options are basically 1) get him ordained online which should be simple and easy 2) have her do the legal part of the ceremony (“and now the grooms aunt Sally will join us and help the couple receive their mariage vows” Sally joins, “do you bride take you groom blah blah I do I do”) or 3) have her perform the whole thing.

I don’t really think how close you are to any of these people matters. What matters the most is that your mariage is legal, which is really what the whole thing is about, so if you want your pastor to marry you, get him legal girl. 

Post # 14
4237 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

It’s not weird, but I get why you are a little miffed. 

Post # 15
1912 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

What’s weird to me is the pastor not being ordained.

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