Post # 1
Hey y’all! Wedding is this month and unfortunately my fiance and I are having an argument about our ceremony!
So here’s what happened. We go to a non denominational church. Fiance asked him to do the wedding. Turns out he’s not ordained. So he can’t sign our wedding document. He didn’t see it as an issue and neither did fiance, as long as someone who IS ordained is at wedding.
Fiance’s parents have a minister friend attending but we didn’t want them to feel taken advantage of. So we asked his aunt, a minister, if she would sign it. Now, she is basically trying to take over and do the vows and our pastor would only be preaching.
I told fiance I’m not comfortable with this, but he is too nice to tell her to back off. He doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.
I can’t help but feel weird about his family member marrying us. Do y’all think it’s kinda awkward too? Should I calm down? We’re in too deep with all this and I have no idea how to go back now. Ideally she would read a scripture at the beginning, not do the vows, rings, etc!
Post # 2
We asked my husband’s father to marry us – my idea. I don’t think it’s weird at all to have a family member do the ceremony. It actually made it far more special to us. What is weird is that she’s “taking over” instead of following your decisions about your wedding – I’d put a stop to that for sure. Talk to your fiance and come to a compromise about what you’d like her role to be. Then tell her what’s what (politely) so that the person you’d originally chosen isn’t taking a complete backseat. It may be she misunderstood what you wanted. It may be that morally/ethically she feels she must take on a certain role or she can’t validate the marriage. Won’t know until you inquire.
Post # 3
Not weird for a family member to be part of the ceremony if they are ordained. Unless you make it weird…
Post # 4
It isn’t at all weird. My daughter is getting married next week and her uncle is officiating. We are honored to have him do it. I really wouldn’t want to sign off on a wedding as an officiant if someone else had performed the ceremony. Let her do it. If he isn’t officially ordained, it’s just someone randomly talking IMO. What would happen when he got to the “by the power vested in me” part?
Post # 5
I actually love the thought of a close friend or family member marrying a couple. Its a nice personal touch and allows yet one more person you love to be included in the big day.
Post # 6
broccoli2309 : our pastor is our close friend and has been counseling us during engagement. I’ve met his aunt maybe three times during 5 years together.
Post # 7
Not weird at all. Actually I think it’s weirder that you expect her to sign the license and not perform the ceremony and wouldn’t be surprised at all that she has a problem with that.
Post # 8
Wouldn’t the person who is actually ordained need to perform at least the legally required aspects of the ceremony in your state for it to be legal? It sounds like you guys are kind of asking his aunt to do something shady by just signing your marriage license but not participating in the ceremony. She probably just wants to make sure your marriage will be legal.
Can your pastor get ordained online? But to answer your question, no, it’s not weird to have a family member marry you, lots of people do that.
Post # 9
It wouldn’t be weird for her to do the ceremony, but it sounds like you really want to be married by your own pastor, which is a different issue entirely, and it’s a legitimate desire of yours. I don’t know if you’re already at the point of no return with including FI’s aunt, but check into the laws in your state and county regarding the requirements for someone officiating your marriage. The way many people are able to get a relative or friend to marry them is by having the person designated as a deputy clerk for a day (you pay a fee and fill out a form with the county clerk-recorder). This is available in my area, for example. Some people do it by having their friend ordained online, but this isn’t always necessary.
Anyway, maybe look into it, because these days with people being able to be married by whomever they want, it shouldn’t be difficult to have your pastor get the appropriate certification, if he’s willing, to actually perform your marriage officially.
Post # 10
Thank you thank you bees! Exactly the input I needed (maybe not wanted) to hear. Y’all are right. It would have been rude and a little shady to ask her to sign our document without asking her to be more involved. I guess I just thought she could witness, he could marry us, and then she sign on his line and he on hers.
Post # 11
It is not weird to have a family member marry you. My cousin did my ceremony. Im pretty sure for your Aunt to sign the papers she has to perform the legal parts. It is not unusual for someone to officiate the ceremony and then someone else step in to do the legal part and then the step back aside for the original person to finish.
Post # 12
I think for it to be legal and not shady the person signing the license needs to be the person who is actually marying you, which is probably why she’s pushing to do the legal part of the ceremony. Otherwise it’s basically fraud right?
Your options are basically 1) get him ordained online which should be simple and easy 2) have her do the legal part of the ceremony (“and now the grooms aunt Sally will join us and help the couple receive their mariage vows” Sally joins, “do you bride take you groom blah blah I do I do”) or 3) have her perform the whole thing.
I don’t really think how close you are to any of these people matters. What matters the most is that your mariage is legal, which is really what the whole thing is about, so if you want your pastor to marry you, get him legal girl.
Post # 13
k8goeslz : pastor says he won’t just get ordained online, he wants it to be more “meaningful. ” we are only the third wedding he has done, the other two his ordained dad was present.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
It’s not weird, but I get why you are a little miffed.
Post # 15
What’s weird to me is the pastor not being ordained.