Fiancés been secretly ordering cialis

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

jenndubya :  If you don’t say anything, it’ll just be the elephant in the room and it will bug you constantly. I would say something, but delicately. I’m sure he’s embarrassed about this issue and you being angry with him will only make it worse. 

Post # 3
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee

This is not about you. ED is a medical problem. 

Post # 4
Member
6531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

jenndubya :  do not make this about you. It’s not and you’ll only make him feel worse. The guy is likely struggling and being told he can’t get it up because he’s not into you will just serve to make him feel guilty about something he very likely can’t control. He clearly wants to be able to get the job done, so in my opinion you need to let this one lie.  Be supportive if he feels okay to mention it but do not throw it in his face and make it all about your own insecurities. Talk to a doctor about it and come to a better understanding of how it works and why he might need it if that will help you personally come to terms.

Post # 6
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

Honestly I would just be glad he made the effort. But also know that ED can be related to medical problems like high blood pressure, so I would bring it up just to make sure he’s okay medically. 

Post # 7
Member
4493 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This whole time I thought he was beginning to enjoy sex with me but it was just the pills

He wouldn’t be making an effort (i.e., taking medication) if he didn’t enjoy sex with you. I would be glad he’s being proactive and trying to maintain our sex life. I can understand feeling hurt that he didn’t talk to you about it, but i think for many men, ED makes them feel “damaged” or “unmanly.”

 

Post # 8
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

Aw sweetie! I’m sorry you guys are going through this. It is not about you at all! As pp have said, ED is a medical issue. My Fiance and I went through something similar. He had low testosterone and would rarely feel up to being intimate, and when he did, could often not finish.  I also struggled with feelings of rejection, but trust me, he feels worse than you! We worked out the problem with medication, and lifestyle changes, and our relationship is so much stronger because we were about to communicate our feelings and discuss.

Be supportive of him, bee! He needs you!

Post # 9
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If he was single for a long time, it sounds possible that he has a pornography addiction. From my understanding, pornography addiction occurs when the pathways in the brain related to arousal are linked more to visual stimuli (porn) than romantic love and physical stimulation (you). This does not mean that he’s not attracted to you. It is a difficult problem to work though, but you can get through it together if you’re willing to work for it.

Here are a couple links for more information if this situation sounds like your fiance and you’d like to learn more: https://www.addiction.com/addiction-a-to-z/porn-addiction/porn-addiction-101/

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/06/was-i-actually-addicted-to-internet-pornography/276619/

Post # 10
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

This isn’t about you, so don’t make it about you. It’s clear he wants to fix an erectile dysfunction problem because he enjoys having sex with you.

ED is medical, so don’t shame him for it. He’s embarassed and wants to fix the problem himself, so he has.

Post # 12
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

jenndubya :  maybe he feels under pressure to perform and he pyschs himself out? I know this happens to lots of men when they’re with women. No issue when they’re alone

Post # 13
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

 Medical issues don’t often make sense. If it was about you, he wouldn’t fix the issue at all, right? Use some logic here: He’s taking medicine so he can have sex with you and enjoy it. If you were the problem, he wouldn’t even bother because it’s easier to simply let the problem be than to “fix” it and endure for your sake.

Post # 14
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If he’s willing to take pills, then it’s obvious to me that he wants to fix the problem and have sex with you. I’m sure the desire is there, but he really can’t help if his body won’t quite cooperate. 

I would definitely talk about it to clear the air and understand what’s going on, but I’d be gentle in discussing it. I’m sure he’ll be embarrassed and I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept it from you so you wouldn’t feel bad. 

Post # 15
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

jenndubya :  Sometimes other sex acts are lower psychological pressure than penetrative sex because he isn’t worried about pleasing you too, which means he can relax a little more. Or, they may just stimulate him in a way that makes it easier for him to get off, but that doesn’t mean that the sex is bad or he doesn’t enjoy it.

Really, this isn’t about you. If you want to talk to him about it, don’t frame it as worried about your own attractivness because, as pp said, it will probably just make him feel worse. He obviously wants to have sex with you, or he wouldn’t bother! Medical issues are just complicated sometimes.

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