- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2017
I came across Wedding Bee in a search today and thought it would be a good place for my rant and/or advice on how to deal with this. I don’t want to talk to our friends about it as I feel like it’s not okay for me to bitch about them behind their backs, but I really need to get this frustration off my chest.
Today my fiancés best friend his girlfriend got engaged. I’m probably going to sound like a total bitch, but I’m finding it really hard to be happy for them!
I’m half worried about him and half annoyed about the whole situation.
The worried side; they’ve known each other for 14 months and have been dating for 13 months. Within that time, they’ve broken up twice and I cannot count the number of times they’ve had massive fights and not spoken for a few days. I’ve known him for five and a half years and in that time he’s had seven girlfriends (not including this one) and all the relationships have lasted 3-8 months and have ended terribly!
He has depression and really throws himself into relationships, being ‘in love’ with them one month in, planning a future with them two months in etc. and when they break up he’s, so sad/angry/negative. His depression really shows through and he gets almost suicidal that he’s ‘lost the love of his life’.
Then he finds a new girlfriend who ‘completes’ him and the cycle repeats. I’m worried that if this relationship goes south too, it will be even worse for him – a broken engagement is much worse than a broken relationship. The girl he’s now engaged to is also into drugs (only occasionally though) something he’s always said was a deal breaker. I guess I’m just concerned for him.
The annoyed side; he is EXTREMELY completive with my fiancé and always has been. They’ve been friends since high school where my fiancé was the ‘popular’ one and he wasn’t, and I think this is where the need to be ‘better’ than him comes from’ He’s always been a good friend to my fiancé (my fiancé lived with him and his parents after his parents divorced, he was there for him when his uncle (who he’s very close to) died etc.) but he’s also a jerk sometimes. My fiancé is dyslexic, struggles to pronounce words and is quite insecure about his literacy, something his friend always makes fun off. He always calls my fiancé dumb in a ‘joking way’, says hopefully our daughter has my brains not his, laughs at him when he uses the wrong word (conservation instead of conversation for example) and yes, he knows very well that my fiancé is insecure about these things.
He also loves to brag about how much more he earns than my fiancé (which is about $15,000 per year). Anytime my fiancé buys something, he goes out and gets the better version (mountain bikes, surfboards, watches etc.) and then makes a point of telling my fiancé that his X is better than my fiancés X. It bothers me that he’s always trying to put my fiancé down and make him feel like he isn’t succeeding in life. It bothers my fiancé but his friend has done so many nice/good things over the years, he just lets it go.
Because of this competition he seems to have with my fiancé, I’m worried he’s going to try and make our weddings into a competition. It would be just like him to make comments about how their wedding is more expensive and therefore nicer; that because they got engaged after a year (we got engaged after five years together) that their relationship is better; and other stupid things I haven’t thought of. I just don’t want to deal with it. I also wonder if he’s just proposed as he wants what we have – I only think this as he’s said multiple times that he’s jealous that we’re getting married, have a daughter and are a ‘family’.
Ugh. Their wedding is theirs and our wedding is ours and they don’t actually have anything to do with each other!!
Okay, I’m ready for the hate to roll in.