(Closed) Fiance's best friend just got engaged

posted 6 years ago in Engagement
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee

    My only suggestion to you is to MYOB.

    Post # 4
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    I think it’s common to feel like this – the knowledge of past exeriences and fear of history repeating itself. It’s hard to be happy for people that you feel victimized by. I hope that everything runs smoothly and for now, I’d try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are truly happy and right for each other. In the end, their relationship is their business and if they do start dragging your wedding into a competition, I’d just do my best to ignore it and not waste time worrying what they think. Best of luck bee and I hope you don’t get too much backlash here – The Bee should be a support system and safe haven, not a hate place

    Post # 5
    Member
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    They are adults and can make their own mistakes. Not for you to judge or worry.

    Same with your Fiance, he is an adult and choses to have this kind of friendship. 

    And that is exactly what you should say “This is not the best time to discuss _____”

    Post # 7
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee

    Don’t participate in the competition. Unfortunately there are lots of people like that, he’s clear got some issues and his materialistic items are probably a way to make himself feel better.

    Live your lives and let their relationship follow whatever path that is, as far as him putting your fiancé down: I can understand thats frustrating, but as its his friendship and he allows it to happen. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    View original reply
    sebastiandarling:  don’t tell them anything about your wedding. Hard to compete when they don’t know a thing. Just my thoughts tho.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2360 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    whimsywallaby:  100% this!!!!

    Great words bee…very positive & encouraging! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2409 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    sebastiandarling:  that’s not how this works. Not at all – you should do you and your fi can be responsible for his friend choice. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2016 - Temecula, California

    It sounds like this is bothering you way too much.  Who cares what they do for their wedding?  Guys are competitive.  Let them compete with each other.  Is it bothering your fiancé that he is competitive?  If you are worried that their relationship won’t last because he has a bad track record, it may be over soon anyways.  No need to stress over someone else’s situation. You and your fiancé worry about yourselves and enjoy your own wedding planning.  If they start talking about their wedding and it sounds like bragging why not simply say, “that sounds great.”  Just because you got engaged first and you have been with your fiancé longer doesn’t mean theirs isn’t just as special to them.  Maybe you feel like they are stealing your thunder a little? Maybe they see that it is really bothering you so they keep trying to rub salt in the wound?  Show them you are happy for them and they may leave it alone.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1758 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I get it, you just want to vent. Some people are just shit and this guy sounds like a pain in the ass.

    Try and ignore him when he’s competitive and just come on here and bitch about him 🙂 

    Post # 14
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    sebastiandarling:  when it comes to dealing with jerks, I find sympathy and empathy the most helpful. I mean how miserable must his life be to have to one up his best friend to be happy. If that’s one of the few activities that bring joy to his life, no wonder the guy has a track record for living a pretty sad life. You and your fiancé are truly in love with a healthy relationship from what I can read in your post 🙂 congrats and don’t let his sad depressing little habit bother you. Whenever he tries to one up your wedding, just imagine being him living his life. If I were you I’d be so glad that I’m not him. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee

    I could have written this post about a friend of DH. His friend is just like this with the competitive purchases and boasting. We always say “glad you’re happy” or something, be happy for them and move on, because letting it get us jealous was just what he wanted. We didn’t want to compare or compete, we’re happy! And that’s what counts. I figure he can’t be if this is what gives him validation, but letting him feel bigger is no skin off our teeth 🙂

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