Post # 16
I would do the following:
1) congratulate them on their engagement and act normal/happy for them
2) only express my opinion on their relationship if specifically asked for it
3) not let the nasty rude comments about Fiance slide like that; I’m very protective of the people I love and it would most certainly rub me the wrong way too! I’m not saying you should go and start a full on argument though. Next time he says something like that, acknowledge it and go from there.
4) ignore his every effort to compete with you and your Fiance. He sounds very insecure which is where this is coming from. It’s sad really…
Post # 17
When your fiance’s friend starts being competitive, just change the subject. I have a family member planning a wedding around the same time as ours, and I occasionally get questions like, “why are you doing this? Our venue said to do this.” Lots of oblique questions about budget and what we’re spending. Ugh!
I just change the subject. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even initiate wedding planning talk with him! So when he gets into it, I’ll start talking about Beyoncé or the Rams moving back to LA, hahaha.
Post # 18
I say….talk to your Fiance. Tell him how you’ve seen this “friend” put him down, make fun of him and ‘compete’, in short order. Tell him you’re not going to be discussing your wedding or the planning thereof w said friend and his fiancée and the WHY. That way he’ll be able to back you up when you change the subject or act like you’re hard of hearing when the questions start to come around.
Then smile my dear Bee. This is your FI’s problem and he WILL solve it at some point. You’re entitled to your feelings and your actions but you can’t control how your Fiance feels about his friend or what he’ll do about it.
Hopefully your Fiance will realize that with friends like that guy he doesnt even need enemies! And he’ll dtmf.
Post # 19
Right, but if that’s all you are concerned about, why mention how long they have dated or how the friend has a bad relationship track record? There is a judgmental undertone here that has nothing to do with the point of your post.
Regardless, this is your FI’s friendship and I would let him manage it. If the friend makes rude comments, let your Fiance deal with them. I can see why they would bother you, but it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with you personally — the friend would probably make those comments regardless of who your Fiance was marrying. It’s his friendship, and it’s up to him to decide just how much he is willing to put up with from this person.