- 5 years ago
I hardly ever post on public forums but this issue has become so irritating and annoying I am desperate for the opinion and advice of anyone removed from the situation!
The facts: my fiancé and I are both in our mid twenties, have been engaged about 3 months. we’ve been dating for 3 years, living together for over 2. His older brother, 29 years old, is dating a 19 year old college girl who is absolutely insufferable. I’ll call them John and Jane to make it easier. John has told my fiancé that he flat out doesn’t like me, thinks I am unappreciative of my fiancé and was just using him for free rent, utilities, etc. (I pay half all our bills and then some, I make more money than my fiancé). I always chalked it up to him just not knowing me very well or being jealous of his little brother. When Jane came around (November-ish 2013) I made every effort to be her friend/be friendly with her. We went and got our nails done, did some Christmas shopping together, small things like that. However, every time we made plans to do something Jane was SIGNIFICANTLY late each time, like over 40 minutes late. It’s a pet peeve of mine and my fiancé and I (who doesn’t like Jane either) agreed that it was rude and the effort to be friendly would no longer be extended so often if she couldn’t even tell me she was going to be late or even eventually stand me up. I GET that she’s 19, I did some stupid stuff when I was 19 too. But of recent, she has been so awful to me I am at my wits end.
When we would get together pre-engagement , Jane would suspiciously always ask me how me and my Fiance “we’re doing” in a mock concerned voice. I’d always say we’re fine, maybe follow it up with a quick story of something irritating he’d done that week, never anything major. Jane however, would brag brag brag about how WONDERFUL her and John are, how he treats her like a queen, is so respectful, never does anything wrong and appreciates everything she does for him. She confided in me once that she thought she was pregnant (really wasnt) and I gave her some advice and told her for relax, take a test, be careful in the future, etc. She is extremely competitive with me when it came to our boyfriends, and without boring everyone with thousands of examples, simply does NOT SHUT UP about how perfect her relationship is, then intermittently updates her Facebook status to passive-aggressive things like “I’m just not good enough” and “Why do I give so much and receive nothing in return?”. Yes, extremely annoying, but again, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and always told myself, “she’s 19, give her a break”. That was until she pulled the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
i went on vacation with my family for a weekend, my fiancé (then boyfriend) had to work and couldn’t come. Long story short, Jane told John, my FI’s brother, that we had broken up, and spent the weekend parading an 18 year old friend from college friend around my Fiance at a party they threw, trying to get him to hook up with this girl!!!! My fiancé was so disgusted and confused, brought it up to his brother who said he’d just been told that we broke up and thought they’d “cheer him up”. Furiously, I shot off texts to both John and Jane, saying his upset and disappointed I was and so hurt, especially by Jane, who though I no longer made an effort to hang out with her, was always nice and civil with her at group gatherings. They both blamed it on each other, a “miscommunication” and Jane apologized and spewed a bunch of lines about how she hoped we could “rebuild our friendship”. I made it very clear to her that I would never trust her ever again, that I could forgive but never forget, and that she was much too immature to be my friend.
finally getting ing to where I need the advice: ive started to pick my bridal party and both John and my fiances mother are asking why Jane isn’t a bridesmaid!!!!! My future Mother-In-Law says Jane is “part of the family” and doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t have her be in the wedding. John is complaining about how Jane will be “all alone” and “left out”. I really don’t want to tell a bunch of my dramatic stories (with a 19 year old!) to my 60 year old future mother in law and possibly have her not see it my way or think I’m holding a grudge and being a bully. If it were up to me she wouldn’t be invited at all! At a recent dinner to celebrate our engagement she sulked in the corner and didn’t speak a word to me and kept whispering to John how she wanted to leave! Any advice on how to “be the bigger person” and let this go while still explaining to them all that this girl will NOT be anywhere near me on my wedding? I can no longer excuse her behavior as being young, she has proven over and over she is a mean person. I know this sas super long, but if anyone has even the smallest advice on how to deal with thisIw hold be so so grateful, as it has been causing me so much anxiety!