(Closed) Fiance's comments on MY weight. What is his problem?!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

O wow. I am really sorryFrown I know how bad it hurts when people make comments about weight. My Fiance never has and I dont know what I would do if he did. But my family does all the time(I used to weigh like 110 pounds and since I have been dating Fiance I gained like 30, I am 5’6) and it stings so bad, but I forgive them cuz they are family. I hope he doesnt make any more comments to you like that. I guess maybe have a nice talk with him, no yelling and tell him how it made you feel. Im not sure where to go after there if it doesn’t work, cuz I know you sure as hell don’t wanna be married to someone who puts you down.

Post # 4
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ve always been told that there is a bit of truth to every joke, so even if he says that he was joking, he may really feel that way. However, I’m glad that you set him straight. Nobody has the right to make such comments in a mocking way. Body image is an issue for most women, unfortunately, and comments like that can be used to shame or control people. I’d advise that you continue to uphold your positive body image and not allow anyone and their negative filters to influence you in any way. Have a talk with your fiance to let him know that comments like that are NOT OK and even if you need a bit of a nudge in the direction of a healthier lifestyle in the future, you’d prefer loving suggestions and support. 

Post # 5
Member
14417 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If it was bothering you so much, why did you not say something sooner?  I think it’s a little unfair if you didn’t say anything and just bottled it up until you blew up at him.  He might not even realize have he’d been mentioning it a lot if he’s just casually saying it and not really meaning anything by it.

Post # 6
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

guys can be so stupid sometimes. personal comments are always offensive, especially when repeated over and over again >:( that being said, why didn’t you tell him off before instead of bottling it up?

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I registered so I could comment on this discussion…I really feel for you because I’m having the same issue. My husband has told me recently that he wants me to lose weight, which obviously is difficult to hear, but is made worse by the fact I’ve lost 20+ pounds since I’ve met him and he hasn’t noticed.

After some horribly painful discussions, he told me wants me to lose about 35 pounds. I could definitely stand to lose weight, and in fact, I WANT to, but it’s different when someone else says something about it. Especially my husband, who I thought loved me no matter what.

Unfortunately I don’t have any advice, but I would love to hear how others got through something like this.

Post # 8
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@blinx:  sorry to hear this. my Fiance has mentioned things occasionally and i get frustrated as I am trying but have health issues so am often very tired. i know i am also super sensitive about it now and have thrown a wobbly the last time he mentioned it. actually we were driving to the gym and i got so mad i dropped him off and drove home. my Fiance says it is because he wants me to be healthy but i know i need to lose about 15 pounds but it sounds like you dont need to lose any and i hope he has learned his lesson about saying that to you. maybe when you arent so upset you can ask him calmly why he says that, what result does he actually expect?

Post # 10
Member
7758 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow. If you’re 5’4 like me then that means your weight is 55 kg (120 lb) which is ideal (and is my pre-baby weight, which I can only dream about now). Your fiance is being an insensitive d!ck. I would bluntly tell him to shut up.

Post # 11
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@pinkshoes:  I think it’s reasonable to hope that an offhand comment or two might be isolated incidents. Sure, in an ideal world the OP might have said something right away, but she didn’t.

Post # 13
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Honestly, I think MOST guys (not all) just can’t grasp how damaging comments about a woman’s weight can be. They’re not trying to be jerks, they’re just clueless. And even being very clear about the things we (as women) find hurtful isn’t always enough. I’ve been with my Darling Husband for almost 20 years total and he KNOWS how I’ve struggled with an eating disorder, and I’ve told him repeatedly that comments about what I’m eating or not eating are emotionally damaging, and he still (occasionally) surprises me with a thoughtless, unkind comment. I try very hard to let it go.

Post # 14
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would definitely try to find out what his intentions were.  I have made sarcastic jokes toward my fiance about being “fat” because he’s so skinny.  Maybe that was his intention?  But if it wasn’t, I would try to figure that out & make sure he knows how you feel. I didn’t realize that even the skinny jokes toward my boyfriend hurt his feelings sometimes. I wish someone would make that joke about me!!

My Dad makes horrible comments to my Mom about her weight & I can’t stand it.  When they met & married, she was really skinny.  She’s overweight now, but so is he, so there’s no room to talk!  And although she brushes him off, I know it hurts her feelings & it has trickled down to me.  So it’s something that needs to be nipped in the bud before it goes on any further.  He may not have bad intentions.  He may not even think you need to lose weight, but he also may not realize how it has effected you.  If he is that concerned about your weight, & you’re healthy, then that’s a problem.  But if he doesn’t mean anything by it, I’m sure you’ll feel hurt for a little while, but as long as he backs off, you’ll get through it.  I hope you feel better about it soon!

Post # 15
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@blinx:  I definitely think you should sit down and talk to him once you’re feeling calmer. You are happy with your health and body, your doctor is happy with your health and feels that you are at a healthy weight, comments about how you shouldn’t eat crisps or should lose weight are extremely hurtful not only to your emotional state but also to your relationship with him. If he has an issue with this, perhaps he should consider seeing a therapist about some underlying problem that causes him to view a healthy, beautiful woman as overweight? Because this is absolutely HIS problem, not yours.

Post # 16
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@quiet_lemon:  I think you should go to couples counseling, to be honest. If no one challenges your husband’s thinking on this matter, it won’t change.

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