Post # 1
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
Hi bees,
My fiance and I have been together for almost three years. We just got engaged in March and are planning a June wedding. Our relationship is rock solid, and we are fathoms deep in love. I couldn’t be happier. There is only one small annoyance during this blissful time that feels almost too petty to bring up to any of my friends. I have mentioned it to my fiance, and we both made light of it and moved on. But it still bothers me a bit.
My fiance was engaged before. He was in his early 20’s (he’s now in his early 30’s) and it was a brief engagement-lasting only 6 months. It was a girl he dated in college, and they got engaged after only being together 6 months. The breakup was mutual, and not at all messy or bitter, they both just realized they weren’t right for each other and decided to part ways. She gave the ring back, he returned it to the store and wasn’t heartbroken about the breakup at all. They did not keep in touch, but we do share mutual friends with her.
From what I’ve heard from the mutual friends we share, she is now married, has 2 children, and is a busy career woman as well. She has never tried to contact my fiance, but I’ve been told ever since our engagement, she has been grilling our mutual friends for info about me. She wants to know what I look like, what I do for work, where I grew up, if I come from a large family, etc. Her questions are so detailed, it makes me wonder why she cares so much. Is it just ordinary curiosity (which is what my fiance believes it is) or are there some lingering feelings or possessiveness? Her opinion of me means nothing, and even if she did have feelings left over, it wouldn’t change my relationship. It just gives me an uneasy and uncomfortable feeling.
I 100% have no plans to contact her, and will just continue to ignore any type of drama that this may be stirring up and carry on with my life, but why can’t I shake this feeling of being uneasy?
Post # 2
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
Grafton86: it may be natuaral curiosity. I’m interested in how my last serious bf is doing, not in a “I still love him” way but in a “Huh, wonder how that guy is” However, his ex is a psycho. He had to switch email addresses. She got 3 different google phone numbers after he kept blocking her. this behavior could be normal or abnormal depending on how it progresses
Post # 3
Member
2845 posts
Sugar bee
Probably just curiousity. I google my exes when I am bored although I would rather jump off a bridge than get back with any of them.
Post # 4
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
If someone tells me my college boyfriend gets engaged I will ask about her. Not because I want to be with him or have any feelings for him at all, but just because he is a great genuine guy and I really want him to be happy. I don’t think it’s really that creepy and she probably didn’t expect the girls to go running to you saying “omg she was totally GRILILNG me” sounds like the inbetweens might be the ones causing drama 🙂
Post # 5
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
Grafton86: I agree with the PP who said it sounds like your mutual friends are the ones trying to stir up drama. I’m sure it’s just harmless curiousity on her part.
Post # 6
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
JustMe12182: merpitymerp: I can totally see how it would seem like our mutual friends are trying to stir up some drama, but I honestly don’t think that’s the case. They’ll say, “So-and-so asked me the other day if you grew up around here. Is it ok to answer her questions if she asks?” I feel like they’re treading lightly because they don’t want to give away info that I’m not comfortable with sharing. I have nothing to hide, and there are no skeletons in my closet, so there really isn’t any reason why they’d have to censor anything. I did tell them it makes me a bit uneasy that she’s asking, but they assured me there wasn’t anything other than curiosity behind it, which is what the general consensus is. I do feel that curiosity is the motive behind her questions, and at first it didn’t bother me. I think the uneasy feeling is coming from the actual amount of questions she’s asking. I can understand wondering about the general info, but her questions are becoming more numerous, and more detailed. She asked whether or not my teeth were naturally straight or if I’d had braces. I just don’t understand why that would make a difference unless there was a bit of competition there.
Post # 7
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
Grafton86: “She asked whether or not my teeth were naturally straight or if I’d had braces.”
Well, that’s weird. My first instinct is that it’s just curiosity but her questions do seem to be oddly specific. I Facebook stalk my ex’s fiance sometimes just out of curiosity because I like to see he’s doing well and he and I are no longer in contact. I have absolutely no lingering feelings for him whatsoever and I never regretted breaking up with him, it’s just an occasional vague curiosity. I think it’s a little weird that she feels so open about asking mutual friends such oddly specific questions about you, but she’s probably just curious or competitive. It sounds like she may be insecure and comparing herself to you. I’d shrug it off and be glad you have more important things to focus on!
Post # 8
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
ok, the braces thing is freaking weird lol
Post # 9
Member
8753 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
The braces thing is bizarre. I wonder if the comment was based on something FI once said. For example, maybe the ex had extensive orthodontic care when she was young and when they were breaking up FI said, “Well at least I will save all that money on braces for the kids we’ll never have!”
Otherwise it sounds like normal curiosity. She’d probably be embarrassed to know it all got back to you.
Post # 10
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Really is this really an issue you have to ask about? Ok i’m sorry…but WHO CARES IF SHE ASKS ABOUT YOU???
I mean come one…he’s with you, it was over 10 years ago, he chose you to marry. Let her ask all the questions she wants, heck tell your friends to give her your number and have lunch with her and get some inside scoop about him you might not know. Let her know all the fabulousness about you and how much in love you are.
Bottom line…who cares what she asks. His past is his past. They broke up for a reason. He’s marrying YOU. Move on.
Post # 11
Member
5710 posts
Bee Keeper
I wouldn’t worry about it. It seems normal to be curious and most of us would want to be precieved as tactful and aloof so we wouldn’t ask, but sounds like she doesn’t have the impulse control. If she’s never tried to contact your FI I don’t think there is anything to worry about.
I’d feel uneasy too because she’s probably judging you and being at least a bit bitchy. Sounds like she’s a bit of a silly woman.
