Post # 1
So our wedding has been a nightmare since the beginning. We have lost friends during this process and our biggest obstacle has been his family. we originally were going to have our wedding at a bigger venue and could have up to 200 people there. we decided early on we wanted a kid free ceremony/reception since it is an evening affair. after deciding this we spoke with his family about it and our dress idea and they were fine and excited about it. a kid free night to relax and come to our wedding was what they said they wre excited about.
we ended up having to change everything to a different town because his dad ended up backing out paying for the venue after saying he was. my mom is going through a tough financial situation right now and cannot help much and my dad is contributing what he can. his family is not paying for anything, maybe not even the rehearsal dinner. so we moved the wedding, took out a small loan and are paying for the wedding ourselves. since we moved the wedding we had to significantly cut our guest list down by 80-90 people. so we sent out our invitations and put we request no children, no plus ones and semi-formal attire only. Now his family is mad and upset because we put these in there after we had already spoke with them about it. his aunt told me today she cannot believe we would ask certain dress guidelines and this is taking all the joy out of them coming to our wedding. none of his family has sent back an RSVP and will not call us to speak of their issues.
i just feel like they are being selfish because they want things done a certain way but are not willing to help out or pay for anything. we cannot afford a large crowd for a wedding since we are on a very limited budget after almost calling off the wedding. now my fiance wants to call the wedding off and just go get married somewhere out of town on a weekend. i don’t know what to do, our wedding is December 1st.
Post # 3
@chkygal02: aww * hugs* have you already booked your venue?
Post # 4
Circumstances aside, it was a pretty big etiquette mistake to put “no plus ones” and “no children” on the invites. I don’t think the attire should have been on the invite as well (this is what a wedding website is for), although that is more acceptable to have on an invitation.
As for the Aunt being upset about the dress code, big deal. So she wont come, great! It’ll save you some money.
Post # 5
yes we have booked the venue and paid for it, have all the dresses, pretty much everything is paid for. i even have family flying in from back east to do my photography.
As far as the wedding website, we did make one and put everything on there but i’ve checked and nobody really has visited it. i know about half his family doesn’t own a computer and doesn’t work. i guess i’m just frustrated because everything that was in the invite had already been discussed with both sides of the families.
Post # 6
It’s your and your FI’s wedding; do and say what you want.
I’m sick of etiquette dictating all this “polite” beating around the bush. Kudos for you for saying “no kids, dress nice, don’t bring uninvited guests”, essentially. You may have made certain people upset, but you would have done that even if it wasn’t stated on the invitation. If people are offended by the type of wedding you wish to hold, they need not attend.
Post # 7
@chkygal02: Enjoy your wedding and let his family come if they want to. Have someone at the door with a list to make sure uninvited people do not come in.
You are paying for your wedding, and even if you were not, the day still belongs to YOU and your Fiance. If you want a certain atmosphere, then request it.
Whoever comes to your wedding will enjoy it.
Post # 8
@pharmy: +1 Holla at me girl.
Also OP we want a similar wedding. Thank you for posting this. All I can say is have Fi back you up and put your feet down. You are not only paying, but you are having to pay back a loan as newlyweds. Plan the day y’all want.
Post # 9
You are both adults and apparently the ones paying for the wedding. Like any other social event – that means YOU get to decide the details! It is a shame that FI’s family is upset, but obviously you did not get to decide on the details of their weddings so they will simply have to deal.It is simply impossible to please everybody so you might as well please yourselves!
We put the URL of our wedding web site on our Save-The-Date Cards and spread the word that we have pics (from trips, engagement, etc) and that got folks showing up to the site. We also have a MODERATED guest book and we already have entries! We also mentioned that we will be posting our wedding pics on their as well.
Post # 10
that is completely assuming everyone either has access or will go onto a website.
Alot of guests are older or dont have computers or are traditional and prefer the paper invite with the info. Not everyone wants everything digital.