(Closed) Fiance’s Family Not Invited to Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I come from a super close, huge family so I can’t imagine not having them there. My gut instinct would be to pull rank and make him invite the family. But this is his day too. He want to share it with people he feels loves him and supports him and celebrates this decision. If he’s not close enough to his family to have that, then they shouldn’t be there. It sounds like he’s worried there’s going to be lots of drama among them during the wedding and he probably just wants to steer clear of that. Your fears are valid, you definitely don’t want to let him sever ties forever if there’s no need, but that’s his choice. Keep in mind, attending the wedding could sever ties just as easily. Support him, whatever his decision is. This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life and a huge milestone, when he looks back on this day he doesn’t want to think about family drama but only think about the amazing start to a new life.

Post # 4
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Pull rank?  Do we outrank the guys?

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@gaucho25:  And I think you’re right to keep his family issues private when you’re family asks questions. That’s honestly the most respectful way to handle it, In My Humble Opinion. As far as registries go, you can make private ones. So you cannot be looked up by your names but only the registry # that you provide to people. If you have your heart set on a registry, I would check with the stores you want to register at, I’m sure this is not the first time they’ve had a couple worried about wedding locations and dates available for anyone. I’m sure there’s an easy way around this. 

@maribonner:  I wasn’t totally serious. I don’t actually think our votes outweigh the guys, but I do know that if I really really felt strongly about something, Fiance usually make sure I’m happy. 

Post # 6
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@maribonner:  Agreed. 

It’s his family.  He gets to decide.  My Fi isn’t having his family there either.  It’s his choice.  I’m supporting him.  Don’t add more stress to it.

As for questions about it, just say something simple like “Fi doesn’t have the same relationship we do.” end of story.  say nothing else because it’s not their business.

Post # 7
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

When it comes to his family I think you both get a vote and he breaks all ties.

Post # 8
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree that it should be his decision to invite his family or not. If he thinks it will make him uncomfortable to have them there, then it may be better that they not be there. It’s your big day, so you want to be surrounded by people who love and support you.

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I were you, I would ask his mother to tell people that it was a really small, intimate wedding with very close family and friends.  Even if that’s a lie, it will cut back on any bad feelings.  Ultimately it’s his choice because it’s his family but I do understand where you’re coming from; have you mentioned to him that you’re worried that it will cause drama to NOT invite them?  It could also set you up for drama in your marriage at some point.  I wouldn’t press it if I were you, but just make sure he’s absolutely sure and that he’s ready to defend you if anyone blames you for them not being there.

Oh also if you are having a ceremony that would traditionally have a groom’s side and a bride’s side, you can ask the ushers to try and seat people evenly on both sides so that it doesn’t draw attention.

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@gaucho25:  You could always tell the store that for security reasons, you do not want to disclose the date of your wedding.  You could also put a fake date on your registry and just let people know why it’s not correct.

I’m actually really surprised that the stores aren’t being more accommodating because this can’t be the first time something like this has come up. 

The stress sounds crappy.  Is your husband sure that not having them there is not going to be equally stressful (given the registeries, worrying if they are going to show up, etc)?

Post # 12
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could you do an Amazon registry? I am not sure what it entails but you could always set one up and have your guests go off that. Or, you could make a Target wishlist instead of a wedding registry if you plan to register at Target. It works almost identical to the regular wedding registry, except that you cant print it out at the store.

As for your Fiance, I think it’s his choice to either not invite or to break ties. A wedding causes so much stress and drama to begin with. I’ve heard of many families that were in good health before the wedding lose relationships during and after. You may be saving him drama and helping keep moderate peace by not having them there.

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@gaucho25:  You can just put in a fake name but still have the registry number and just give that out.  They don’t check your ID.  

ETA: fake date is way easier lol

Post # 16
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@gaucho25:  You could use a fake cutesy name that maybe goes with the theme of your wedding. Or use like a famous couple’s name…it’s a little different, but I don’t think it’ll raise suspicion to your guests as to his family drama

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