Post # 1
So my fiance does not have hardly any living family. He has a mother, a half uncle that is out of state, and an aunt that hardly has anything to do with him. His mom’s mom passed away when he was a baby, at the time she was married to his then step grandpaw. Since then, his mom has had an extremely rocky and dramatic relationship with what was her step father before her mom passed away and he remarried. My fiance used to refer to him as grandpaw but since he stole his goats and told him he needed an appointment to come visit him my fiance does not have much to do with him. His half uncle that is out of state never knew his real dad, so this man that was married to my fiance’s grandmaw was his uncle’s only “fatherly figure”. About 5 or 6 years ago they got into a huge argument over something really stupid. Since then they do not talk and have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
My fiance’s half uncle is a complicated person, but, he means well and has done so much more for my fiance than his “grandpaw” has done for him & I actually really like his uncle & get along well with him. All his grandpaw has done is cause issues in the 5 years that I have known him.
Well, the other day we stopped by my fiance’s mothers home, and his “grandpaw” was leaving as we got there. We talked for a minute and then right as we were saying goodbye he proceeds to say “Oh, & by the way… you better not sit me anywhere near your uncle at your wedding. He is the biggest jackass there is and if he comes anywhere near me I will leave the wedding.” & oh I got SO mad… I looked at him and said “You will not have an assigned seat.” & then I looked at my fiance and said “We do not need to get in the middle of a family fued” where he heard me and then I walked off. I really wish when he said he would leave if the uncle comes near him “Good, well we won’t miss you then!” Lol. But I didn’t, I tried to keep my cool.
Anyway it just makes me SO mad that adults can act so immature, and now I am worried that he will cause a scene at our wedding. If it were up to me I would not even invite him. I thought that for just a few hours he could grow up and make the day about my fiance & I, but instead he is just giving me things to worry about while he rolls in his selfishness.
I guess it also really tears me up because my family has always gotten along and been mature when any kind of conflict comes up between each other. It makes me so sad that people can’t get along or try to just for people like my fiance who just wants peace!
How do I deal with this? Should I do anything? Or should I leave it be? Has anyone else had any kind of wedding/family feud issues that they had to face/deal with? I am just so aggravated with this guy!
Post # 2
If your Fiance wants him at the wedding you’re going to have to handle that.
As for immaturity you can’t change them. They’re going to be that way.
Post # 3
That’s kind of aside of the point… I’m handling it for my fiance. He really doesn’t want him there either but we know it’s the right thing to do. I just needed to vent some because it boils my blood. I’m just worried he will cause a scene at our wedding. I know we cannot change them. I just wanted to vent and hear other peoples stories and how the handled people like this….
Post # 4
I’m judging by the lack of response nobody has experience what you wrote, or just was unable to understand you’re post, as I had a hard time understanding myself. I’m just giving my advice, if your Fiance doesn’t want them there then it shouldn’t be an issue. They aren’t invited, period. As for people being immature it happens everyone had something that happened at their wedding, someone got too drunk, bridesmaid was hitting on the groom. For me my best man at my wedding was a total prick. But he was still there, and he left at 10 pm and we handled his crappy attitude. It didn’t really affect our day. It’s up to you both. If you don’t want them there don’t invite them.
Post # 5
OMG I know! it’s ridiculous! My fiance’s mother has an old family friend, almost a 2nd mother to my fiance and future sister in-law. They love her very much but my future Mother-In-Law had a falling out with her and now they don’t talk. My Mother-In-Law went over the guest list recently and saw the family friend’s name, and called me out on it. I was pretty matter-of-fact. “FI loves her so I invited her.”
She proceeded to tell me the whole story, well her side, and then told me she didn’t want her there. I said that since she was an important person in my life and my FI’s life, I’d talk to Fiance about it, but then I said “however, he’s the one getting married, not you, so if he wants her there, she stays on the list.”
She threatened to not show up. I said she’ll be the one regretting that, not me. That seemed to change her tune a little, that she’d deal with it for her son’s sake even if she wasn’t happy about it.
Maybe that is the best course of action. “If you leave because some guy you don’t like shows up, my Fiance and I won’t be the ones regretting anything. That’s all you. Take it as you will.”
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2016 - The White Barn
For yours and your fiances sake, his grandpaw should just deal with it. You and your fiance will already have enough on your plate on your big day, you don’t need this family drama. If there’s an issue during your wedding then you AND your fiance can ask him to leave but of course this is something you both will need to talk about before your wedding day. It’s called respect, it’s unforunate that family members feel the need to create drama on a day that will already have lots of stress. I would laugh at anyone giving me demands for my wedding.
Post # 7
futuremrs1617 : since he stole his goats
I believe we need additional information on the above before passing any sort of judgement. What kind of goats and how many?