- 2 years ago
So here I am again. My previous post was about asking my fiance’s parents for money upfront in order to invite their extra guests. This didn’t sit well with my fiance because he felt like I didn’t trust his parents to have the money but his mom has borrowed a lot of money from him before and hasn’t paid him back yet. A lot of responses to my post pointed out the issue of my fiance giving large amounts to money to his parents and not paying him back. I talked about it with my fiance and explained that I was uncomfortable with his willingness to give his parents money and that I won’t be comfortable with that once we’re married. He was quite upset and took it that I didn’t care about his parents. He even said at one point that I’m being unfair because I don’t want to give his parents money but have no problem taking money from them (to cover their guests).
He also has a joint bank account with his mom that he puts some money in so she can use it whenever she needs it, this account isn’t a loan to her, it’s just hers to use and she doesn’t have to pay him back. I found this out awhile ago and requested the account be closed once we’re married and he agreed, but I’m starting to think he should close it now. This is clearly a huge issue and I don’t want to ignore this red flag. I told him I wanted to go to pre marital counseling to resolve this and I’m not sending save the dates until it is.
I was just wondering though, is it fair for parents to expect their children to help out financially once they’re adults? Neither of us are from a culture where this is the norm, but I’m worried his mom still expects it. I would get it if she was a widow, but she has her husband. My fiance feels like it’s perfectly acceptable to help his parents when they need it since they raised him and provided for him growing up. I’ve never felt the need to “pay my parents back” for raising me. I understand helping in emergencies, but as far as I know, his money was never for any type of emergency. I don’t want him to think I don’t care about his parents, but I also don’t want to be dipping into our future savings and prolong buying a house because his parents need money.
Just looking for some support because I’m feeling pretty down about this whole situation.