Post # 1
Truthfully, i don’t like fiance’s friend either. He’s extremely, extremely flakey. Always on his phone (one of those guys who can’t talk without sending out 100 tweets) but I didn’t dislike him right away.
Fiance was trying to bring me around to all events because he likes doing things together 🙂 Also, he wanted me to get to know his friends. We cooked a nice dinner and invited friends over and his friend goes ” (fiance’s name) great food!”
My fiance replied, “doubting debbie also cooked”
Anyways the friend got really upset and told my fiance later he is losing individuality and that my fiance is trying to “force doubtingdebbie down our throats”
Apparantly he has been talking about my fiance behind his back. My fiance is so nice that he kind of forgives and forgets but i don’t.I’m upset. Also, this flakey friend is SUCH A FLAKEY FRIEND that he has probably seen my fiance once every 4 months before we got engaged! I would admit if i was at fault or if my fiance truly saw this friend less, but he hasn’t
I just feel like im not liked and it hurts. Granted, i don’t like him either, but i’m just sensitive. i’m a very nice person so to not be liked so easily is very new to me…
oh also the friend is so flakey he didn’t even come to our engagement party (though it would be 30 minute travel and we had friends come from out of state) fiance still forgave him
Post # 3
@doubtingdebbieah: Surely you must realise this isn’t about *you?* Its about your FI’s friend being upset that your Fiance has a SO. The friend wouldn’t like ANYONE in that role.
I say let your Fiance handle his friend. From what you wrote, the friend hasn’t said anything that attacks or insults you – he’s just complaining about your Fiance.
Post # 4
That sucks, it’s never a good feeling to be disliked by someone. I feel for you 🙁
But here’s the silver lining. He’s a flaky friend whose respect you don’t need or really want anyway. Also from his reaction, it sounds like he’s just a single guy who wishes his friends were single. Kind of like he wants to hang with his boys like he used to but he can’t because his boys are growing up. I’m not sure it has anything to do with you, he could just resent the fact that your Fiance actually has a serious relationship and is getting married. So the flaky friend could just be taking his resentment out on you and making you the scapegoat.
I wouldn’t worry too much. He’ll either come around and be much nicer and mature about it. Or your Fiance will wise up and dump him as a friend and you won’t have to deal with him anymore. 🙂
Post # 5
The friend sounds jealous that your Fiance has you and he’s moving on/growing up without him. I would try not to take it personal unless he starts acting like a jerk to you directly, then I’d say something or have Fiance say something.
Post # 6
@doubtingdebbieah: Hmmmm, I wonder what this guy’s problem is. But if he only sees your Fiance once every 4 months, chances are this situation will resolve on its own without your having to do or say anything. Just let things run their natural course.
It sounds like this guy is very immature and wants your Fiance to live the single lifestyle, when obviously your Fiance chose to live his life with you, as a grown adult. Sometimes friendships are outgrown, and that’s ok.
As far as not being liked sometimes, well, that’s part of life. You don’t like him either, so it’s no loss to you. Don’t take it personally, the guy sounds like a jerk.
Post # 7
i don’t like a couple of FI’s friends either. it doesn’t really matter if they don’t like me. they’re not dating me so who cares?! those are the friends where i tell Fiance to go alone to spend time with. no sweat off my back.
his friend is obviously a jerk. let Fiance deal with it. and don’t take it personal. it’s not you. it’s him.
Post # 8
@Zhabeego: Yep +1.
My FI’s best man has hated me for 10 years. He hated me since I “stole” his best friend in high school.
Fiance has to check him now and then on his behaviour toward me. But he actually has his first pretty serious relationship…and you know what…he’s getting a taste of his own medicine with their other guy friends.
Such jealous jealous man children lol.
Post # 9
@icetea: did that upset you that he didn’t like you?
Post # 10
@missebelle: thanks. thats a really good perspective to have. and you’re right..i don’t have to see him if i don’t want to. fi can hang out with him on his own
Post # 11
@doubtingdebbieah: Totally. 10 years man! And I did everythinq to be a good gf and friend to FI’s friends. But we moved on with our lives after high school…so I attended the visits, held my tongue, and left pissed each time.
But by wedding planning almost two years ago I put my foot down. I talked to Fiance about helping the situation and he really has. But it took all those 10 years for Fiance to really blossom into a strong independent man who could stand up to his best friend.
Best man treats me very well now.
Post # 12
who cares? It’s a fact of life that not everyone you meet will like you and vice versa. It could be for a good reason or no reason at all. Not worth gettign upset over. Not sure why you’re bothered by the fact he hasn’t seen your Fiance in a few months – let your Fiance deal with that part, it’s not really something you should get upset about (shouldn’t you be happy that he’s not around?!)
Post # 13
@doubtingdebbieah: I am going through this too. Actually, this has been happening with FH bestfriend for the last 6 years! My FH and this guy have truly grown apart, but neither of them have the heart to say anything. I’ve been nice and civil in group situations, but FH informed me he hates that his bestfriend has been purposefully excluding me from things since we got engaged (7 months ago), and he is going to take his friend to lunch to have a heart to heart. His friend is very immature, so I can’t see how well it’s going to go.
My advice to you is, ignore this guy. Be friendly around him but otherwise don’t him ruin your relationship behind closed doors. guys are weird about friendships. Your FH doesn’t want this guy to rag on him for putting you first. He must want to punch his friend in the face, but he honestly wants to try to stay neutral. One day he is going to have to stand up and say something, but he’s not ready. It sucks, yes, but the friend must feel like insulting you and your FH is the only way to feel better about him being alone…
Post # 14
@MrsWBS: thanks for the response. i guess it bothers me that my fiance will overlook his friend talking about him behind is back and not even attending the engagement party. i guess i want my fiance who is truly the greatest guy ever to not have him as my friend. i know it’s not my place and i’ll never say that..but you are right. i cant let this ruin my relaitonship behind closed doors. thanks
Post # 15
@doubtingdebbieah: It sounds like he might be having an awkward time adjusting to your FI’s relationship with you…especially if they were once very close. Sometimes people get weird and distant when they feel someone close to them is devoting a lot of time to someone or something that came along after them. So I wouldn’t jump the gun saying it’s YOU he doesn’t like, because he would probably feel that way about any girl that’s taking up his friend’s time.
Seriously, this is the exact same way one of FI’s best friends acted when we were in the first year or so of our relationship. We found out later (after he finally let it out) that he was jealous. He was jealous of the amount of time and energy Fiance was devoting to me instead of his friends, and he was jealous of our relationship because his had ended bitterly and ours was so strong from the door. So he would purposely exclude him from group activities, make fun of him behind his back to their other friends, and be generally discouraging about our relationship. For whatever reason Fiance put up with it and then the kid finally got over his bitterness and let it go. He didn’t necessarily dislike me, just the idea of me because I was taking up FI’s time that used to be so much more devoted to his guy friends.
I said all that to say, give it time! Until you really get to know the friend he may just have his guard up and be kind of awkward, but I’m sure he’ll warm up to you. And even if he doesn’t it’s not the end of the world. I have friends Fiance doesn’t like and he has friends that I think are shady SOBs but we’re still together and happy despite those outside relationships.
Post # 16
@Galang_Gyal: that was extremely helpful 🙂 thank you so much! it truly is the exact situation…i will give it time, hopefully things will change. and if not, then they wont. and i’ll try to deal. thanks a lot!