(Closed) Fiance’s friends…do I have to like them?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Snugbug:  My first thought opening this was “you don’t have to like them, but you have to be polite and pleasant.” I feel (much) less that way after reading the details of the situation, because it’s obvious that this email really hurt your feelings.

I think on the one hand that your Fiance needs to step in, even if he wants to stay out of it. I might think a bit differently if this email was filtered back to you through a longer chain (ie, girl sent to friends but NOT Fiance, another friend told Fiance, FI told you), but she sent it to your fiance and I think it would be appropriate for him to say “hey, I know some people think these things are a bit silly, but our wedding planning is really important to Snugbug and I and I think the teasing went a bit far.”

On the other hand, with people who behave that way, they’re still going to act like this behind your back, and they’re still going to be his group of friends. If this is something they seem to engage in, him bringing it up might not have any effect (other than possibly resulting in more negative talking behind both your backs). This is an uncomfortable situation and I feel for you – I find it extremely hard to act normally around people I know have been catty or rude behind my back. And at your wedding, it’s even more unpleasant because of course you want to be surrounded by love and support. I hope that you’ll be so happy and caught up in the moment of your day that you won’t even notice them there.

Post # 4
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh goodness. I could have written this. ๐Ÿ™‚

When I found myself in a similar situation, I simply had to let it go. I did my best, showed interest in each of their lives, and tried to be charming every time we were all together. This failed time and again. I learned that I’m okay with not being liked by that group of friends. People who are prone to making snap judgments about others rarely change their minds. I tried so hard to “prove” myself to them and it never mattered. I eventually realized that I had nothing to prove. I did my best. And if that wasn’t good enough, then they weren’t people I wanted to spend any more time worrying about.

I truly think that your wedding won’t be an issue. Sure, a few people who irrationally dislike you will be there. But so will everyone who loves you! In the midst of all the love and well wishes, I bet you won’t even notice their presence. Enjoy your day and try not to worry about them.

Post # 5
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

IMO, Fiance isn’t being a great partner by allowing his friends to dismiss you and talk behind your back like that. He really should be sticking up for you. In fact, he should be more hurt than you, because a good friend would give you a chance and learn to love you, no matter what. These don’t sound like good friends.

As for your wedding? Kill them with kindness. Make it so impossible not to love you that they actually start to feel guilty for the things they’ve said, even if they would never openly admit it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

 

Post # 6
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Take the high road! You mention social graces, just be nice and pleasant to his friends. Now is absolutely not time to have it out with them or call attention to your hurt feelings, that will just make things worse. You don’t have to like his frinds, just be nice to them.

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@mrs-j-to-be:  totally agree with this!

Post # 8
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

If you’re going to interact with them as much as you do now (which is nil), after the wedding, then take the high road.  Thank them for coming, “hope you enjoy yourself”, yada yada, then have a fab time with your FH and guests.

BUT If you think you’ll actually be spending time with them, then I’d say something to your FH.  No one wants, or should have to be around people that treats them like garbarge.

The topic ‘Fiance’s friends…do I have to like them?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors