I can’t really give you any advice, but i can totally relate!
My Darling Husband dropped the military bombshell on me the weekend AFTER we got engaged. I was like, hey what?! We’d been together five years at that point and not once had he mentioned the possibility that this was something he wanted. So i, rightly or wrongly, got very upset. I felt decieved, like i’d just agreed to spend the rest of my life with him, but he’d been keeping from me what he intended that life to be like.
I have the most absolute respect for any military wife, and any soldier i absolutely do. Many of my friends are military wives and they are the most amazing women, but seeing them worry every deployment and bring up their babies without their DHs around meant i knew that this was not a life i could commit to. So i felt i had to tell my Darling Husband that. That if this was something he really wanted to do, i would nto stop him but i could not marry him, and frankly had i known this at the time of the proposal it would have been big enough for me to have said no.
I know this sounds dramatic and perhaps like i emotionally manipulated the situation, but i really thought to myself that i could agree to something that i know would make me, and therefore our marriage, miserable.
Fortunately for my relationship, my Darling Husband considered it, knowing teh cards were on the table and decided that ratehr than actually wanting to join the military, the reason he had been considering it was simply because he was bored of his current life. Not because he actually desperately wanted to be a soldier. So we made some adjustments, and he now openly admits it would have been the wrong choice for him.
I think in your situation, you gotta really consider whether you can handle it. There are so many women who can, and who have very, very fulfilling military marriages but i think its a personal choice. Joining the military is a huge commitment for both of you, not just him. So communicaton about how you both feel is crucial to making this decision together.
I really hope that everything works out for the best for your relationship, either way.