(Closed) Fiancés major career change idea

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@aliavenue:  But if your husband is a new recruit (as the OP’s would be) and constantly stationed in different areas of the world you must choose to either live much of your lives separate or give up some of your aspirations in order to live as husband and wife. 

 

Let’s not forget that we are currently at war so even if she were to stay at home while he was on tour in Afghanistan this would have an effect on her life—she would have to endure long periods of separation from her husband and be in fear for his life

If your husband is more established in the military and you do not have to move all over the world then OBVIOUSLY my statements do not apply to you since your husbands career would not have a greater effect on your life than any other really…

You cannot complete a Ph.D AND move all over the world–there are currently no real reputable online schools for the Ph.D.

And most careers do not involve telecommuting, so you are very limited in that way as well. 

Also, if a family is constantly moving that effects the children as well. My father moved so many times with his family he ended up dropping out of school and moving into his own apartment at 14–just so he could stay in one place. 

Post # 33
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@AprilJo2011:  I agree.

The life of a military wife is NOT for me. I’d be miserable. Alone all the time, my life being dictated by forces out of our control. The idea of what the wives go through who are mothers is so…I can’t even think of words to describe it. Much respect to military wives!!!!! The chances of him gaining skills to use in a civilian job are slim. Does he have a degree? I hear it’s much better to enter as an officer. But this would be a deal breaker for me:( you sound like you are handling it with grace! Much luck to you two hun!

Post # 34
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sylvia.riggle:  Actually, Fiance joined the military as a pilot and pilots rarely have to change bases between contracts because of the cost of doing so and the impracticality. In fact, he is guaranteed at least 2 years non-deployment non-station change because of his MOS. Additionally, I was the wife of another military man before meeting Fiance and I have quite a bit of experience with the military and moving. I was still able to build a career, regardless of the location changes, and finish my schooling. Furthermore, you are wrong about distance Ph.D. programs. Indeed, Texas Tech and Colorado State University are amongst the many schools that offer distance PhD programs that are accredited and accepted in the world of academia. Finally, moving certainly affects children but so does staying in one area for their entire life – arguably there are more pros to moving at least 2 times in your childhood, but that’s up for debate. Being a military wife is about overcoming obstacles, making it work, and defying the stereotypes that people hold without any substance to back it up.

Post # 35
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Angelz_love:  “I hear it’s much better to enter as an officer.”

This has been very true in my experience.

Post # 36
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@aliavenue:  Your experience has been an exception to the norm. The OP’s fiance is not a pilot and has not expressed interest in joining the air force. I was close with an air force family in new mexico and their experience reflected yours, but that is not the case with other branches of the military. 

I’m not sure why you’re being so obstinant about the millitary not impacting your life. It’s fine if you are ok with it, or you think the pros outweighed the cons in your case. But just the fact that a brick and mortar school was not an option in your case proves that it DID impact your life. You had to build a career around the fact that you were constantly moving. Again, you don’t have a problem with this and it ultimately worked out well for you, but your husband’s career choice affected you more profoundly than most other careers would. Therefore, it is a decision that affects both partners and the OP should weigh in after she has researched what a military career will entail for the both of them

 

I would also like to point out that you seem to be downplaying deployment–any deployment is stressful for the spouse and children! The prolonged separation and risk are emotionally taxing and the OP’s concerns are justified. 

Post # 37
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sylvia.riggle:  I totally believe that the OP should research her options and was certainly not telling her to just accept her FIs decision. However, I think that making broad generalizations about military wives is offensive and inaccurate.

FTR: Fiance is not Air Force, he’s Army. And any career, location, or academic goal is going to affect your choice of schools so, while it impacted my options, it didn’t have any more affect than another potential influence. In fact, it more likely that I would have chosen my current school to pursue my academic interests because it allowed me to both work and study concurrently.

Finally, I’m not downplaying deployment as it is most certainly a challenge. Nonetheless, a deployment is apart of this lifestyle, just like having an Fiance that’s a pilot, or firefighter, or business traveler, that we’ve come to accept. There is certainly danger with this job, but having grown up with an inner-city police officer for a father there are little things that phase me, I suppose. I think deployment, like being a military-wife, is what you make of it.

Post # 38
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@aliavenue:  I’m sorry if I offended you, I speak very bluntly–I didn’t mean that joining the military is a terrible decision–indeed I envy some of the experiences the lifestyle provides—but that it has a profound impact on your partner.

Post # 39
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sylvia.riggle:  If that is aliavenue’s experience with the military, then she should post it. My mother kept us in the same place for 15 years ( I completed K-12th in the same place) do I know this isn’t the norm? Yes, but the poster should know it can be done depending on her husband’s rank when they have children, and what state they are stationed in (multiple bases in that state). Deployment does impact the family’s lives, it is hard to worry about what’s going on over there, but skype really helps out (when the soldiers have time).  My mom came back emaciated and couldn’t stop shaking, so deployment will certaintly affect the soldier as well (it’s hard for them to come out of the war zone). Also, if you don’t have children, it’s a lot easier for military wives to set up careers and go to school, but most military wives do have children so don’t have the time to continue a career.

Post # 40
Member
5159 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@Angelz_love:  “I hear it’s much better to enter as an officer”.

My husband, who served as both a non-commissioned (enlisted in the US) member in the Army and an officer in the Air Force, would agree that there is definitely worlds apart between being enlisted and an officer.  They are just very, very different in many ways.

Post # 41
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@aliavenue:  Thank you, I very much appreciate the reality check! Also, my most sincere apologies if it sounded like I was saying that military wives couldn’t have their own identity. For the ones I’ve known (admittedly not many), a significant amount of their sense of who they were seemed to come from being a “military wife,” but I most definitely shouldn’t generalize from two data points!

Post # 42
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

re: “better to join as officer”

It depends how you define “better”. Officers get paid more, and have a lot more responsibility that a Jr Enlisted troop, BUT they (generally) work longer hours and have a lot more on the line a project or something gets screwed up. As an officer he gets a lot more late night phone calls to deal with disciplinary actions or if he’s working as CDO he has to stay on base overnight in case something comes up that he needs to deal with.

My Fiance went into the Navy as an officer and wouldn’t have it any other way, but I know he’s got people who wouldn’t want to touch his job with 10 foot pole, ya know?

OP, I sent you a PM if you’ve got any questions. We’ve done two deployments, and despite that we’ve had overwhelmingly good experiences. Not to say it’s not hard sometimes or that things are always peachy, but military life is what you make of it. Just like anything else in life.

 

Post # 43
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Darling Husband was thinking about joining National Guard but we decided against it because I cannot imagine him being deployed.  I do not want to be apart!  My Brother-In-Law is in Air Force, and they move every 3 years and have no idea where it will be next.

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