(Closed) Fiance's married sleazeball of a friend is trying to get him to cheat too!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sophy33bee:  My Boyfriend or Best Friend has a couple of single friends (not by their own choice, though they’d try to convince you otherwise) who are just like this. 

 

Yes, I’d be uneasy.  You can have the best, sweetest Boyfriend or Best Friend in the world but when you add peer pressure and alcohol into a night out, people do things they would never normally do.

 

The one friend, we’ll call him Hank, is the worst of them all: he very short, very scrawny and very unattractive inside and out. He used to hit on me when Boyfriend or Best Friend and I first started dating and we didnt see him for about a year. Lately, though, he’s been at some events we have been at and it seems he’s exactly the same.  We went out for a mutual friends birthday and this 40 year old man spent the entire night hitting on the 18 year old (uncomfortable) server. I finally had to step in and shut him up.  He has been very inappropriate to a number of my friends and is just pretty much an all-around jerk.

 

About 10 months ago, I was working a night shift and he asked my Boyfriend or Best Friend to go watch a UFC fight, and my boyfriend asked what I thought.  “Go with anyone else,” I told him “go witha bunch of girls for all I care: just.not.hank.”  My boyfriend knew as well as I did that Hank would spend the entire night trying to drag girls over to their table, and (since he’s not a big fan of me) try to get Boyfriend or Best Friend to do the same.  I ended up getting my shift covered that night and when Hank found out I’d be going to watch the fight too, he suddenly didnt want to go anymore.

 

Since you were snooping in his phone, I’m not sure how you should or can approach this one….

Post # 4
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sophy33bee:  Go with honesty. Tell him you did something stupid that you regret, but it has brought up other issues. Then I would tackle the issue head on and tell him what you saw and how uneasy it makes you. Tell him you’re sorry for what you did, but you can’t unsee it now and while you were so relieved to see his response that he would never be unfaithful, him hanging out with his friend makes you very uncomfortable. 

 

 

 

I know you goofed, and you’ll have to apologize for sure, but seriously.. just be honest.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@sanjessica:  +1

Admit to what you did, apoologize, commend him for his faithfulness, and then bring up your concerns about this friend.

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

your Fiance is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. If he’s going to cheat, he will cheat regardless of if he is egged on by a friend. If he isn’t going to cheat, he won’t cheat regardlesss of being egged on.

You can’t attempt to have your Fiance live in a bubble without “temptation,”  People need to exercise self control regardless of their surroundings.  People’s true character shows when temptation is around them.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
9650 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sanjessica:  Agreed!

Post # 8
Member
9650 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsWBS:   True, too.  But people also make mistakes, especially when alcohol and peer pressure are involved.  Character is honed over time.  But luckily it sounds as though the OP has nothing to worry about.  Her FI’s responses were perfect.

Post # 9
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Sunfire:  +1 My thought was “why play with fire?”

 

Post # 10
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just curious, what prompted you to snoop through his phone in the first place?

Post # 11
Member
9499 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsWBS:  I agree with this.

No one can force someone to cheat unless they are already willing to cheat.  Your fiance clearly stated he is not interested in finding other women.  I would just trust your fiance on this.

Post # 12
Member
9650 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@badabing88:   Yeah, my theory is I trust you with my life but don’t put yourself in the position to even appear to be doing something shady. 

Post # 13
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsWBS:  Agree

Post # 14
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Sunfire:  Precisely. Also, personally, I wouldnt want to surround myself with people that are encouraging me to do something I am against.  That’s not a “friend”.

Post # 15
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sophy33bee:  What a weirdo. Who cares if there’s “temptation” that doesn’t mean you ditch self-control. I’d just be honest with him and tell him you were being nosy and read his texts and that it bothered you. That would seriously bother me too and I wouldn’t hesitate to be honest about what I had done. I think the company you keep can sometimes reflect on you, and in some cases corrupt you. So if his friend keeps doing stuff like that and trying to convince him to cheat, it’s probably best that he doesn’t maintain that relationship. But that’s a decision he will have to make if it gets to that point.

Post # 16
Member
9650 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@badabing88:   You’re right!  He’s a loser, not a friend at all.

The topic ‘Fiance's married sleazeball of a friend is trying to get him to cheat too!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors