(Closed) Fiance's mom to get married on our shower date

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hate to say it but if she called me directly and asked I would have been honest with her. Now look at all of the extra drama this has called. At least you could have said you tried. Dont sweat it, it just sucks that you have history with her that makes you feel uncomfy. It may have inconvienced your best friend and I hope she can get pass it. So sorry you have to go through this. Just think of some damage control. Only you know whats best.

Post # 4
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe there’s something I’m missing, but why does your shower need to be moved? People (except you) can just choose which event they want to attend. Obviously you won’t attend his mom’s wedding, but she has to expect that when she picks a wedding date only 9 weeks out – some people are going to have prior commitments.

I have to say your best friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend. Being upset is one thing, but it sounds like she was not understanding of your dilemma at all, and instead went nuclear on you. 

Post # 5
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

You kind of caused this drama by giving in to his mom, all you had to say was “I’m sorry but I will not be able to attend as that is my shower date and it’s already set” and your Fiance should have told her NO from the get go, end of story and to not even bother calling to ask you.

I would be pissed at you too if I had worked hard to plan a shower then you just cancelled it and expected your family, bridal party and Maid/Matron of Honor to move everything around like that after it’s been in the works for weeks. You need to call your Future Mother-In-Law, tell her you don’t care what date her wedding is but your shower is on the original shower date.

Then you need to call your bestie and apologize for not tell Future Mother-In-Law no in the first place and that you want to stick to the original shower date.

Post # 6
10589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would call up your friend, apologize, and she if anything has actually been cancelled yet.  If not, tell her to keep everything as is and call up your Future Mother-In-Law and tell her that unfortunately the plans that have been made can’t be easily changed.

I don’t know why you couldn’t just say that to her in the first place, or stuck to a bit more of a cop out, that you have to check to see if it could be changed without giving a definite answer.

Post # 7
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@geekspice:  +1


Even if you’re going to move the shower to attend the wedding, I very much doubt she picked her wedding date to spite you. And sorry, but wedding > bridal shower. This woman is going to be in your life forever, so if it were me, I would move the shower, attend her wedding, and try to be sweet even if it seems like she’s not returning the favor. If it really grinds your gears that much, then skip the wedding altogether, your Fiance can attend, and you can keep your bridal shower as planned.


P.S. While I can respect that your Maid/Matron of Honor put a lot of work into planning your shower (for 4 months?!), it sounds like she’s being kind of immature. The wedding of a family member is an important event, and she should be more understanding, especially since the date your Future Mother-In-Law chose for her wedding is out of your control.

Post # 8
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t have cancelled the shower. If anything, at least you can count on your Future Mother-In-Law not being there (thats a good thing, right?). Is it a joint shower with your Fiance and he will have to choose shower vs. mom’s wedding?? If not, then I don’t see the issue.

I think your best friend is definitely overreacting, but she probably doesn’t like to see you treated this way and making sacrifices because your Future Mother-In-Law is a biatch. I’d smooth it over with her, keep your initial shower date and go have a great time

Post # 10
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@firefly72333:  If you and your best friend are as close as you say, then you will hear from her. She is probably mad and just needing to let off some steam. Why would she allow this to ruin your relationship? I can’t imagine she would just never speak to you again, thats crazy.

I personally think that it sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law chose that date to be spiteful. She JUST got engaged and of all the dates to choose from thats the one she picks?? She couldnt pick the next weekend? Who does that?

Post # 11
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@AB Bride:  +1

I think it is completely insane that you are giving in to your Future Mother-In-Law. You have been planning your wedding for a lot longer than she has and have dates already booked.

Continue to reach out to your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her to keep the date as planned.

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