(Closed) Fiancé's mother angry about invites-what should I do?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

People have some strong opinions on this one, eh?

I don’t think it’s nearly such a big deal and your fMIL is making it. A breach of ettiquette maybe, but not a heinous error that needs to be apologized for profusely!! I’d suggest going over in person -with- your Fiance and letting him explain that he approved the wording and y’all just didn’t realize that wasn’t the “correct” way to send things out. It wasn’t intentional & you love and respect them very much and if you’re doing a program maybe you can work on the wording together or something like that. 

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visorgirl:  I agree with you – I’m surprised at how offended people are by this. I’m from the US and it really wouldn’t be a big deal in my circle, just an “oops” to explain but no need to prostrate yourself at the alter of fMIL’s feelings. 

And I would hope if you’re having kids and happen to have a son who gets married and makes the same mistake you’d laugh and tell him this story and offer to help do battle with the many Misses Manners of the world instead of (as PP suggested) finally understanding how slighted you made fMIL feel and pull the same cry for days and not talk to him bs. 

Post # 32
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall

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tiger4284:  Apologize. And if you didn’t spend a fortune on them, try getting just the actual invite reprinted that says “together with their parents” or omit something that would allow for both their names. Sorry bee, but even if you’re paying for it upfront, they are still giving you money that they otherwise wouldn’t have to help pay for it, so they should both be listed or recognized on the invite. 

Post # 35
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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tiger4284:  yeah I think if you start apolgizing like mad every time fMIL throws a hissy, you’re going to be doing it for a long time. Hopefully your lad realizes it’s all a bit over the top and you guys can have a laugh over it together. 

Post # 36
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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tiger4284:  after reading your update it seems like more of a misunderstanding.  I think your in laws see their gift as contributing towards the cost of the wedding and therefore that they are just as much hosts as your parents.  They may not know that your parents’ contribution covered the entire cost of the wedding (which isn’t their business anyway).  Either way I think with both parents contributing in some way there was some gray area here and you should have just said “together with their parents” or left all parents off entirely.  You should still apologize for the misunderstanding and unintentionally hurt feelings.

Post # 39
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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tiger4284:  I definitely think your Future Mother-In-Law is being overly dramatic. She gets to “host” the rehearsal dinner after all….

At this point, there’s nothing that can be done to change the invites that have already been printed AND mailed out, so has your Future Mother-In-Law offered any solutions that might appease her? Not speaking to you guys for 2 days is super immature and definitely doesn’t help the situation LOL.

I can understand how she might be hurt, but I wonder….would she have still been upset if you had written “together with their parents/families” instead? If you think she might have still thrown a hissy fit for not being specifically named, I definitely think there’s a deeper issue here, and maybe some good conversation would be called for.

Post # 41
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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MrsMeowton:  “sucked a big bag of dicks” LOLLLL love it hahaha

Post # 43
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can see why, if his parents thought it was intentional, they would feel disrespected. It sounds like neither set of parents are the official *hosts*, yet you included your parents and left his off. I think people are growing more accustomed to the  “Together with their parents” wording or having both sets listed that leaving them off (especially when they’ve contributed a significant amount of money) feels like a slight. I think you need to suck it up and apologize and explain that it was not at all meant as a slight. 

I think to a certain extent some parents (on either the bride’s or the groom’s side) fear that when their kids get married they’ll have more of a relationship with their spouse’s side of the family. Excluding his parents may have felt like more of a dig for that reason.

Post # 44
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Your Mother-In-Law sounds like my Mother-In-Law she loves being the eitquette police. She gave us crap that we didn’t address our holiday cards formally (our cards are of us and our dog). 

For me it’s a fight that is easier to just not have and with our engament party invites we are letting her do the wording and invitations as she would like. 

It’s easier to aplogize but be on the lookout the etiquette Mother-In-Law will always be trying to catch you! 

Post # 45
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If your parents are the hosts of the wedding, then you were “correct” in putting their names on the invite.

If she likes to see her name that much, she can emblazon it on the Rehearsal Dinner invitations. 

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