@Bichon, I’ll be honest and say I was really shocked by your feelings on this issue.
However, they are your feelings and should be respected.
It’s clear he and his family have a strong bond, but they do things that are different from what you are used to.
They are his parents. They are supposed to make a big deal about his birthday, if they want. You aren’t their child, so it’s not their responsibility to do the same to you.
Personally, I don’t make birthday’s about me…it’s about the other person and doing what makes him/her happy.
I know my Fiance likes attention and being around this family, so for his BD’s I have his family over to celebrate his birthday.
All that being said, your feelings are yours and no one else’s opinions will change that. They may give you an opportunity to see things in a different perspective though.
I’m not sure of the laws in NC, but here in Texas, we can get our marriage license for free by attending pre-marriage counseling. We did a group counseling a few weeks ago, and it was VERY helpful in getting BOTH of us to understand each other better.
I say this because, one of the biggest things the pastor discussed was reforming those boundaries on family and respecting the feelings of your spouse. i.e., after marriage, your FAMILY is your spouse and children, and your extended family is everyone else.
I think men have the hardest time with reforming this boundary, especially men with an overbearing mother. So if you really feel strongly about spending time with your Fiance alone on his birthday, he’s going to have to be the one to see the need for that change.