(Closed) Fiance’s parents expect him to spend birthdays with the family

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 59
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think I would talk to Fiance about it…perhaps he WANTS to keep up these tradtions.  As a traditionalist myself, I would love to keep these things going with my family.  I live a few 1000 miles away from them now and would LOVE to go out with them for my birthday!  Too soon his family will be gone from this world.  Perhaps you could be considerate of them wanting to spend time with their son on his birthday.  Plan your romantic day for a day near his birthday…Just my opinion….

Post # 60
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Westwood:  You are not alone…I totally agree with you!

Post # 61
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s tradition in my Fi’s family to spend birthday’s together.  At least for his mom, his brother, and him.  I have no idea when his step-dad’s birthday is and neither does my Fiance so somehow he got out of this tradition (I don’t know how).  Fortunately his brother’s birthday falls on Christmas so that knocks one extra celebration out.  Unfortunately, him and his mom’s birthday’s are a week apart so we end up basically spending 2 straight weekends with them.  He wants to do it because it makes his mom happy.  I’m sure he’d rather be sitting on the couch and he’d openly admit that (plus he hates attention), but if getting an anal probe would make his mom happy, it makes him happy, so this is a tradition I’m just going to have to suck up because I’ve had way too much family drama on his side already.  She keeps trying to add my birthday to the tradition but it’s still a no-go.  I’ve had to suck it up and go every year, but eventually I’m just going to have to find a ladies’ happy hour  or networking event that happens to fall on that day or something because 2 weekends is just too much family time with them.

Post # 62
Member
3106 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@Bichon Frise:  Right, I figured. The holidays are so tricky. I’d let the bday thing go, but it sounds like your Fiance needs to cut the cord a bit. This will be easier when you have kids & want your own traditions & have more of a leg to stand on. That’s assuming you want kids, tho. My SO & I spent Xmas eve & morning together before going to visit family. I missed mine but wanted to establish this personal traditioni right away. 

I lived through this- 6 hrs away from my family & his was a few towns over. I would get detailed itineraries of my holiday schedule from his mom. He would never stand up to her & could not understand why it bothered me. We didn’t make it & her overbearing nature was part of it.  

Post # 63
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

In this day and age where a lot of parents have little interest in their children and their lives I think it is nice that his dad still wants to have a special birthday breakfast with your Fiance. I think it is a lovely family tradition that could one day include your children (grandfather, father and son etc). Same with the birthday dinner- there are many people in the world that would love to have a family that wanted to celebrate with them.

And since it doesn’t bother your Fiance then I think it is the end of the conversation. Why not have a birthday lunch with your FI? It could be your thing- then you could sneak off for some afternoon delight Wink

 

Post # 64
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

My SO’s mother is similar. She was upset because we only spent Christmas morning with them and then went to my family dinner this year.  It was the FIRST year we hadn’t completely split for Christmas and went out separate ways.  I have young nieces and nephews; I made a vow that I want to always be there for a new additions FIRST Christmas.  Lol unfortunately there will be 4 babies in 4 years.  So she made a comment “Well are you guys always going to leave on Christmas? What happens next year?”

“Don’t worry; we have decided to alternate each year. Next year we will spend the morning with my family, and then coming here for the evening”.  She was happy with that.  You just have to try and agree on boundaries.  I find that moms struggle to let their children go when they realize its SERIOUS and they need to step back.  I honestly can’t blame them though.  My SO’s moms had her daughter married and move out, then we purchased a house and her baby moved in with his girlfriend.  All within 2 years I think.  So I can sympathize. And I always remind myself it is a difficult adjustment to make.  I know she is coming from a loving place. 

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