Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for almost a year and half. My wedding is in about five months. From the very beginning, my parents have stepped up and paid for the entire wedding, which is very generous of them. My fiance’s parents have done the complete opposite. They have not offered to pay for anything whatsoever, including expenses they should traditionally assume, like the rehearsal dinner and flowers. They also have not taken any interest in our wedding. They do not ask questions, offer to help with plans, or ask us how it’s going. In fact, the only thing they HAVE done is complain. Our reception – a private dinner – is adults only, and my future sister-in-law has gone out of her way to make sure I know how irritated she is that her kids will have to spend the evening with a sitter. My mother-in-law is angry we are having a small wedding and lets us know regularly. She even took my mother aside at Thanksgiving to tell her she is “displeased” with our decision. [Side note: She also told my mother she thinks my fiance spent too much on my ring.]
I am starting to feel a great deal of anger and resentment toward these people. They are not kind or giving by nature, so their behavior is unsurprising. All the same, I am having a hard time dealing with it. I’m interested in whether anyone else has had this situation, and if so, how you dealt with it.
Post # 2
Its not their job to pay for your wedding?
Post # 3
They are under no obligation to pay for anything at all. Sorry.
Post # 4
Parents on either side are not obligated to pay for your wedding. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for it.
ETA: traditionally grooms parents are supposed to pay for honeymoon too. If I told my inlaws that I expected them to send us to Hawaii for a weeik, they’d still be laughing 30 years later.
Post # 5
well, they dont need to pay a dime for your wedding. things arent the way they used to be. more and more people are paying for their own weddings and if parents offer than great but its not something they should just be doing. sorry.
in saying that, they also have no say in how you choose to get married because they arent contributing. her comments are pretty shitty but you cant be angry with them for not paying for your wedding.
Post # 6
daisybuchanan1918 : They have not offered to pay for anything whatsoever, including expenses they should traditionally assume, like the rehearsal dinner and flowers.
Seriously? Entitled much? It’s not the 1940s. Most couples pay for their own weddings these days. It’s great that your parents are being generous (I hope you express your appreciation on a frequent basis, as they are not required to pay either) but that does not mean the groom’s parents are responsible for anything.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains
where is your fiance in all this? Is he surprised by any of his side’s behavior?
I agree with PPs that no one is under any obligation to help financially but I find it strange that they aren’t in the least bit interested. Is your FI’s relationship with them good? Even if they can’t/won’t help with money, the snide remarks are not necessary. The fact that you want a smaller wedding is an issue for your Future Mother-In-Law is silly. If she truly wants to invite more people then she has the ability to offer to help. Money talks bullshit walks.
Post # 8
There’s no “traditional expenses” to be paid by either set of parents anymore. If someone offers help, that’s great, but if not, you just have the wedding you and your fiance can afford. As unpleasant as they may seem, they’re not obligated to pay for any part of your wedding.
Additionally, when you say you’re having an adults-only reception, does that mean children are invited to the ceremony and not the reception? If that’s the case, I’m actually with your Future Sister-In-Law: that would suck to have to find other accommodations for your children for half of an event, and it’s rude to invite anyone (including children) to one portion of an event, but not another. What does the timeline for your wedding look like?
Post # 9
- Wedding: February 2020 - Breckenridge, CO
Neither my parents nor my fiance’s have paid for anything for us and I never expected them to. You should be seriously grateful your family is paying for so much for you! And I feel like you should expect some people to be upset when you plan an “adults only” anything.
Post # 10
You should totally call off this wedding immediately! If this is how they are going to behave now, can you imagine what the future will hold? Will they ever buy you birthday presents? Christmas presents? Anything at all??? No one needs to pay for your wedding except for you and the one your are getting married to…..
Post # 11
OP, parents used to pay for weddings because people got married when they were like 19 and had never had their own jobs or money–the parents were the only people with any money to pay for a wedding at all! That’s why “traditionally” parents paid. But that’s not the case anymore: people get married later in life after they’ve gotten settled into a career. It’s no longer the norm that parents pay for everything. So unless you’re a teenager, suck it up and pay for your own life.
Post # 12
daisybuchanan1918 : Hello? DailyMail? That you?
Post # 13
Count the blessings you have, rather than the ones you still want. People mature enough to get married, also need to be mature enough to pay for it themselves.
While their behavior is a bit hypocritical (expecting your parents to traditionally fund a lavish affair, when they aren’t hosting the parts traditionally expected of the groom’s parents), neither of those should be expectations.
Post # 14
[Moderated for TOS violation]
Post # 15
I presume you are an adult???