Fiance's parents won't contribute

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
712 posts
Busy bee

Its not their job to pay for your wedding?

Post # 3
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

They are under no obligation to pay for anything at all. Sorry. 

Post # 4
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

Parents on either side are not obligated to pay for your wedding. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for it.

 

ETA: traditionally grooms parents are supposed to pay for honeymoon too. If I told my inlaws that I expected them to send us to Hawaii for a weeik, they’d still be laughing 30 years later.

Post # 5
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

 well, they dont need to pay a dime for your wedding. things arent the way they used to be. more and more people are paying for their own weddings and if parents offer than great but its not something they should just be doing. sorry.

 in saying that, they also have no say in how you choose to get married because they arent contributing. her comments are pretty shitty but you cant be angry with them for not paying for your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
6121 posts
Bee Keeper

daisybuchanan1918 :  They have not offered to pay for anything whatsoever, including expenses they should traditionally assume, like the rehearsal dinner and flowers. 

Seriously? Entitled much? It’s not the 1940s. Most couples pay for their own weddings these days. It’s great that your parents are being generous (I hope you express your appreciation on a frequent basis, as they are not required to pay either) but that does not mean the groom’s parents are responsible for anything. 

Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

where is your fiance in all this? Is he surprised by any of his side’s behavior?

I agree with PPs that no one is under any obligation to help financially but I find it strange that they aren’t in the least bit interested. Is your FI’s relationship with them good? Even if they can’t/won’t help with money, the snide remarks are not necessary. The fact that you want a smaller wedding is an issue for your Future Mother-In-Law is silly. If she truly wants to invite more people then she has the ability to offer to help. Money talks bullshit walks.

Post # 8
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

There’s no “traditional expenses” to be paid by either set of parents anymore. If someone offers help, that’s great, but if not, you just have the wedding you and your fiance can afford. As unpleasant as they may seem, they’re not obligated to pay for any part of your wedding.

Additionally, when you say you’re having an adults-only reception, does that mean children are invited to the ceremony and not the reception? If that’s the case, I’m actually with your Future Sister-In-Law: that would suck to have to find other accommodations for your children for half of an event, and it’s rude to invite anyone (including children) to one portion of an event, but not another. What does the timeline for your wedding look like?

Post # 9
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Breckenridge, CO

Neither my parents nor my fiance’s have paid for anything for us and I never expected them to. You should be seriously grateful your family is paying for so much for you! And I feel like you should expect some people to be upset when you plan an “adults only” anything. 

Post # 10
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

You should totally call off this wedding immediately!  If this is how they are going to behave now, can you imagine what the future will hold?  Will they ever buy you birthday presents?  Christmas presents? Anything at all???  No one needs to pay for your wedding except for you and the one your are getting married to…..

Post # 11
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee

OP, parents used to pay for weddings because people got married when they were like 19 and had never had their own jobs or money–the parents were the only people with any money to pay for a wedding at all! That’s why “traditionally” parents paid. But that’s not the case anymore: people get married later in life after they’ve gotten settled into a career. It’s no longer the norm that parents pay for everything. So unless you’re a teenager, suck it up and pay for your own life. 

Post # 13
Member
47151 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Count the blessings you have, rather than the ones you still want. People mature enough to get married, also need to be mature enough to pay for it themselves.

While their behavior is a bit hypocritical (expecting your parents to traditionally fund a lavish affair, when they aren’t hosting the parts traditionally expected of the groom’s parents), neither of those should be expectations.

Post # 14
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

[Moderated for TOS violation]

Post # 15
Member
9553 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I presume you are an adult???

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