Fiance's parents won't contribute

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

I think I understand why you are annoyed, they aren’t paying for anything or helping with anything but keep complaining about everything. Next time they complain just answer, we have to do what we are able to afford and a big wedding with kids is not in our budget. Despite everyone attacking you here the reality is no pay no say. If she is being openly hostile remind her daisybuchanan1918 :  

Post # 17
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think maybe you’re projecting here. I agree with everyone else that parents should not have to pay anything for YOUR wedding. It seems like you just have a lot of other issues with the family that go farrrr beyond this. Think about that before you proceed.

Post # 18
Member
3506 posts
Sugar bee

You’re going to get a lot of posters telling you that your Future In-Laws are not obligated to pay for anything to do with your wedding. While that may be true, I live in the real world and I say it takes big brass ones to complain about the size and guest list of a wedding and make no offer to help out. OP, some people are just cheap and people who are cheap ALWAYS complain that other people don’t do enough for them. It’s a golden rule of stinginess. Stop talking to them about the wedding. No pay, no say.

Just remember how fortunate you are to have such generous parents. You didn’t say what kind of disposable income your Future In-Laws have, but among people I know it’s quite common to have both parents pay for the wedding. Or, as in my daughter’s case, we paid for the wedding and the ILs paid for an awesome rehearsal dinner. But this is by no means the way things are done all over which is why you’re getting such vehement responses.

Post # 19
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

The utter nerve of you to assume that your in-laws MUST pay for the wedding is astounding. 

You may need to work on your sense of entitlement and maturity before getting married. 

I do agree that they shouldn’t be complaining about anything wedding related if they aren’t footing the bill. However, I wonder if your Future Mother-In-Law complained about the cost of your ring because you could be coming across as spoiled. It doesn’t make her comment appropriate though. 

Where is your fiance in all of this? Is he standing up for you? 

Post # 20
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I can see where you’re coming from actually.I’m coming from a culture where parents still support a young couple getting married. I’m thinking maybe even your parents might be upset they’re the only ones who’s contributing.

For us, for instance, we’re a youngish couple who live in a country going through economic crisis unfortunately. We initially didn’t want a proper wedding, only a basic court wedding abroad. Our parents who are really traditional insisted on a big wedding (as in 700+ people), so we’re having one. However, they’re helping us with it because it was their wish, we happened to accept.

Your future in laws have little to no saying in how you live your life and celebrate your union if they’re not paying a penny. Yes… But there’s this dilemma as well. You wouldn’t be able to have let’s say adults only reception if they were paying, because they’d go “We pay so it’s our wish!”. If you guys can afford it, don’t resent anyone and just do you.

Best of luck. 

Post # 21
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

Not sure why everyone is jumping down your throat about your future in-laws not having to pay for the wedding. I didn’t get that from your initial post at all and I thought you were just throwing out some examples on what the grooms parents might pay for if that’s what they wanted to do. My understanding was the you’re frustrated with people who feel like they are entitled to some input for an event that is not about them and they are not paying for. Talk to your fiancé and have him set some boundaries with his parents. If that doesn’t work I would just start being snarky and remind them that they aren’t contributing and shouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 22
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Parents aren’t expected to pay for weddings. Surely you both have jobs?

Post # 23
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee

daisybuchanan1918 :  I think you’re more upset that your in-laws are making demands at an event sponsored by your parents. No pay, no say. 

Next time they make rude comments let them know that you’re making the most of a small budget provided by your parents. Definitely talk to your fiancé about telling his parents about the no pay, no say rule. 

Post # 24
Member
4991 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It’s your wedding, you pay for it. You are out of line being angry at someone for not paying for a party you are choosing to throw. 

Maybe your entitlement makes them not want to be involved with you or ask about the wedding.

daisybuchanan1918 :  

Post # 25
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

They are under no obligation to pay for your wedding.

Post # 26
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

At the same time… if they don’t pay they are a guest and not a host and should act accordingly tulipdazey :  

Post # 27
Member
9107 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Bummer. Have a wedding you can afford.

Post # 28
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

They are…. the complaint is precisely that the in laws are whining about their wedding being small and no children but at the same time won’t pay. The in laws need to back off Hyperventilate :  

Post # 29
Member
39 posts
Newbee

You pay. 

Post # 30
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

daisybuchanan1918 :  Actually, even generations ago the etiquette for an older, independent couple living on their own was that they are responsible to pay for their own wedding. Of course parents who are motivated can always offer to contribute, host or co-host. We were very fortunate and grateful that both sets of parents contributed to our wedding, but never took it for granted. 

These days, with couples marrying later, educational expenses being what they are, weddings being costlier affairs and parents closer to retirement, any sense of entitlement you might feel is even more inappropriate and misguided. 

It is, however, annoying to be criticized when thankfully, you have not to this point asked for their help. If you are inclined, their openly expressed unhappiness about the guest list opens the door for your fiancé to give them the opportunity to pay for additional guests.

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