(Closed) fiances roommate problems. I need advice.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s kind of rude for one roommate to invite an extended houseguest without clearing it first. Having another person in the house really does contribute to bills. It’s also another person using limited space and resources (like bathrooms!). I think it really depends on how often you are there too. Every week or every other (and living there now!) is really a lot of visiting to be considered a guest and not an additional tenant/roommate.

I’d just find an apartment and get out of there as soon as possible, since that will make everyone’s life easier.

Post # 5
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like he may either be a control freak or he’s jealous of your relationship. I could see it if you stayed for 5 days out of 7 for months on end and never contributed b/c there are free-loaders out there but you are definetely not one of them.

Congrats on school, on your new job, on your move & on your engagement. Sounds like you have lots going on & don’t have time for such nonsense. Just play nice, kill him with kindness for as long as you are there and find your own place asap.

Good luck with everything!

Post # 7
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why can’t your bf and you get your own place when his lease is up and forget the room mate?

Post # 9
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@msfahrenheit:  Yeah, I kind of agree with this. The roommate might feel like his personal space is being encroached upon, and he might feel like he HAS to stay in his room. 

OP, I’m not blaming you for anything, but very introverted people have very defined boundaries about their domain because it’s their “safe haven.” It stresses them out to be “on” socially, and having additional people in the house my put a strain on their down time, which is the time one takes to recharge. He might not have rude intentions with you, but he needs for himself assurance that he will get to relax again soon, without feeling like he has to walk on eggshells, be out of sight from people, or interact constantly. Knowing in advance when “relief” will be on the way is helping him to amp himself up for the extra company in the household. Don’t take it personally. 

Post # 10
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissA916:  I can sort of see where the other roommate is coming from. I always feel weird just assuming that I am welcome to stay at my bf’s apartment even though we have been together for 3 years AND the utilities are included by the building (ie: water, heat, electric)! I think you should have a conversation with him and see if you can contribute towards anything in the apartment. My bf’s current roommate is very laid back and although I have a key to the apt I still ring the doorbell before just walking in. I also clean up after them.

Also, my boyfriend has had 3 different roommates in the past 3 years. The first roommate did not want me there no matter what I did to contribute (even scrubbing their scummy bathroom floors- eww!), I felt very unwelcome and so it made things really uncomfortable. It turns out he was going through emotional issues and was sort of an alcoholic and wanted his own downtime and personal space to just cope with it all.

Post # 11
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with lpisanelli. When the lease is up, you and your bf just go on your merry way and find a new place. Though roomate’s behavior may seem unreasonable, you can’t force someone to be welcoming. Don’t waste your precious time worrying about it. May is right around the corner. Play nice and take the ecape happily.

Post # 14
491 posts
Helper bee

I think it is rude of him to mention it to you, but I don’t think he has any reason to go out of his way to make you feel comfortable in the apartment or care for your well being. 


I know in the past for me, even when I have really liked roommate’s SO’s I’ve always been happy when they leave. It just never felt as much like “my apartment” when they were there. I like feeling totally comfortable in my place, and never did if someone who was basically a stranger to me was there. 

You were only there a week this time, but you did say you were there often.  

Post # 15
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@CoCoCourtney:  Yeah. This is what I was trying to get at. It’s not to slight you, OP, but he just wants to feel “at home” in his home.

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