(Closed) Fiance’s sister getting engaged a week before our wedding…umm, what?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: OK for your fiance's sister to get engaged one week before your wedding???

    Totally reasonable, you'll have your day, let them have theirs. It's an entire week before.

    Totally not OK! It's selfish for them to steal the spotlight so last minute and close to your weddin

  • Post # 30
    Member
    3189 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    There is no reason for you to go to NYX< you’ll see them for the wedding and can congraulate them then. I really can’t picture her engagement taking the excitement away from your wedding. I’d be pissed if it happened the day of, but the week before is totally reasonable.

    Post # 31
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee

    I can understand, but try putting yourself on the other side of the equation…

    if you were waiting for your SO to propose and he was making you wait longer because he didn’t want to steal his SIL’s spotlight, how would you feel? I would be kinda ticked and think it was silly.   

    Post # 32
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I think people will understand your not being able to travel to NYC the week of your wedding just because they got engaged, don’t worry. 🙂

    Post # 33
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @sarindipity: If the stress is coming from having to travel, then I would politely decline making the trip.  They would understand if you have last minute things to work on.  Call her after the engagmenet is announced to congratulate her, and plan something with them in a few weeks after your honeymoon.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1258 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    You can be selfish in the way that you can say no to going to NYC the week before your wedding, if that’s what FI’s sister’s boyfriend wants you to do.  Not sure why he would, though.

    However, you cannot be selfish to insist that he delays the proposal. They are not stealing your spotlight. You will still be the bride on your wedding day, and people will be there to see you and be happy for you, even if they will also congratulate FI’s sister and her Fiance.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4831 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @sarindipity: You don’t have to go to NYC. Just congratulate them over the phone/skype/whatever and tell them how excited you are to see them in a week at your wedding.

    I see nothing wrong here.

    The only rude thing would be if he proposed at one of your wedding events (rehearsal dinner or wedding itself).

    Just think, everyone will be in an even more festive mood.

    Post # 36
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I voted reasonable, but I would totally be hurt too!

    Post # 37
    Member
    5166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This girl getting engaged the week before your wedding will not take any attention away from you whatsoever. Its not like people will skip your wedding because she got engaged the week before, or they will ignore you while you walk down the aisle because they are too busy checking out her ring. Its honestly nothing to be upset about.

    Post # 38
    Member
    3260 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Seriously? It’s just an engagement! People will congratulate them and move on, contrary to popular beleif… people don’t throw huge celebrations or have parades when engagements happen. Let them have their happy time, you got yours when you were engaged and you’ll get the ultimate one when it’s your wedding day.

    Post # 39
    Member
    3982 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    i got engaged one month before my SIL’s wedding – and married 6 months after. Hopefully your Future Sister-In-Law has enough respect to let you have your day – i hadn’t met alot of my husbands extended family at the time so i got a lot “so have you set a date” little questions here and there while we were there for the wedding weekend- i just responded with “we wanted to wait and let L have her day before we jump into planning”

    i didnt want to take away from her special day – id have mine soon enough –  i dont know if it bothered her at all, i hope not, i never got that feeling that it did – honestly i wasnt expecting a proposal for that reason – i figured he would do it after her wedding or around the holidays – i was very surprised by it but at the same time i’m really glad he chose to do it before – it was the first time i got to meet his extended family and it felt nice to be at her wedding as a member of the family instead of just a girlfriend.

    do you have to go see her? like Bakerella said wont a phone call be enough for now? and celebrate after your wedding festivities? i didnt see my SIL after i got engaged until her wedding weekend. she lived in DC and we live in southern NC.

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    2933 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Snap out of it, stop being a bridezilla!  (Hey you said telling you that was an option).

     

    Seriously though.  No one likes to be around this kind of attitude, you know?  You need to be happy for them.  Anything otherwise will reflect pretty poorly on you.  Don’t do it!

    Post # 41
    Member
    1163 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I also agree that you can politely decline the trip to NYC. No reasonable person will have a problem with that.

    And not to beat a dead horse, but you really cannot reasonably get annoyed that someone else is getting engaged, unless you consider marriage and engagement to me some sort of competition. Some people do think that they’re a competition, but I’m sure you’re not one of those crazy people, right?

    Post # 43
    Member
    2933 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Do some yoga.  Seriously, it’ll help!

    Post # 44
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Yes they should be able to get engaged whenever they feel like it (of course I think it would be obnoxious if they did it at your rehersal dinner or wedding without asking first).

    BUT you shouldn’t have to go to the city the week before your wedding – just tell your Fiance that you’d love to go but you’ve got a million things to do to prep for the wedding. It’s a stressful time so adding a trip in probably isn’t the best idea – of course, it might be a good distraction as well.

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