(Closed) Fiance’s sister getting engaged a week before our wedding…umm, what?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: OK for your fiance's sister to get engaged one week before your wedding???

    Totally reasonable, you'll have your day, let them have theirs. It's an entire week before.

    Totally not OK! It's selfish for them to steal the spotlight so last minute and close to your weddin

  • Post # 45
    Member
    7086 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    You don’t have to go to NYC, I would make a video or ask if there is a way to skype in to the celebration.

    Post # 46
    Member
    4005 posts
    Honey bee

    @sarindipity: It’s understandable! It’s a really stressful time! Just be one of the first people to congratulate them too…b/c then you’ll seem like the most gracious and selfless bride!

    Post # 47
    Member
    2336 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Agree you shouldn’t get upset about the proposal a week prior to the wedding.  Absolutely agree you don’t need to go to NYC, but that said…NYC and Philly are really close so I don’t think it’s really that big of a deal to squeeze in a trip up there for lunch or such, though obviously not a full day affair.  (I use to live in Philly actually.)  But again, there’s no need to go to it – just tell the brother that you appreciate he asked, you don’t mind but of course, so close to your wedding you’re disappointed there’s no way you’ll be able to make it up for the family celebration.

    Post # 48
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @sarindipity: You aren’t nuts to be stressed right now, or emotional.  It is great that you asked for others insight.  Hang in there, your beautiful awesome day is just around the corner!!

    Post # 49
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I actually don’t even understand why someone would be remotely upset about this. It has ZERO bearing on your wedding so… get over it? The world doesn’t stop just because your wedding is in a few days.

    Post # 50
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @sarindipity: Okay, so I do agree with your frustration.  The day after I got engaged, my family dropped everything and threw a big dinner for us and the whole family.  We got ALL the attention for the next 3 weeks or so.  So I understand why you are annoyed, your FI’s family should be focused on your wedding which will be less than 7 days away. 

    However, there is nothing you can do about it.  Don’t go to NYC.  You’ll have too much on your plate. When you’re on your honeymoon, their engagement will be old news.  Don’t stress about it too much.  I would have your Fiance tell him that you two will probably not be able to make it up to NYC since it is so close to your wedding.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    Not trying to be mean, but IMO you are being ridiculous. Your wedding day is on your wedding day. So whatever happens beforehand as long as it’s not a wedding-related event shouldn’t matter. Especially an engagement. This is such a happy time for everyone 🙂

    Also consider, her Fiance may not want it to be after the wedding, because y’all may be honeymooning. My Fiance was very thoughtful in allowing me to have family around after my engagement. Just a thought.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1713 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think a lot of past brides can vouch for your brain going a little “crazy” weeks before your wedding and full of worry. So FACT: Totally normal to feel the way you do! Human Nature!

    But yes I do believe you shouldnt have to worry! Your day is going to be just that, YOUR and YOUR HUSBANDS! =)

    Now go enjoy the final weeks up to your BIG DAY! Best of Luck! And if anything your wedding is going to get that newly engaged Miss all pumped and in the spirit for her own! Take the Lead, Make a great example of keeping your cool! =)

    Post # 53
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I can kind of see why you’d be a bit bothered by it.  If he can wait til a week before your wedding, he should have been able to wait til a week after it, to avoid stirring up any annoyance.  That said, I don’t think it’s worth getting toooo upset about.  A week should be enough time for the excitement of their engagement to cool down before your big day!

    Post # 54
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I agree with the PPs.  What exciting news for your FSIL!!  Instead of being bummed that she might take away from your day, just try to be excited and happy for her.  If the family is very close, I’m sure she will understand you not wanting to take the trip up to NYC just a week before your wedding.  I agree with one PP who said you should call her afterwards to congratulate her and then go about doing whatever you need to do.

    I think at your wedding people will be happy for her and congratulating her on the recent engagement, but it will in NO WAY take away from your day!!  Just like people congratulating my brother on his new baby won’t take away from my day.

    Try not to stress.  Remember back to how excited you were to be engaged and what an awesome moment it was for you!!  She deserves the same and not on a timeline predetermined by anyone except maybe herself and her BF.

    Post # 55
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t think it is unreasonable either.  I would be a little miffed if it was on my wedding day or the day after my own engagement but not then. Just try to be happy for them!  This is an exciting time for everyone 🙂

    Post # 57
    Member
    1139 posts
    Bumble bee

    I haven’t read through all the responses yet so I don’t know if I’m the first one to say this but I’m actually with you.  I would be annoyed.  I just don’t see a reason for it.  WHY can’t he just wait two weeks.  I would be annoyed if the family was fawning over her and asking about their recent engagement at my wedding.  When my brother got engaged my husband waited MONTHS to propose to me in order to be respectful and give them some time in the spot light.  We got engaged about halfway through their year long engagement so not too close to when they got engaged or when they got married.

    Of course you only get a day that’s really yours but it’s absurd to think that their engagement won’t steal some of the spot light on your wedding day since most of the extended family will be seeing them for the first time since it happened.

    Post # 58
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @sarindipity: I think you’re handling it really well. You were initially surprised–I’m sure most people would be. You got some responses on here that you weren’t expecting but did not get defensive, accepted it, and decided to follow everyone’s advice.

    I think it’s nice that the BF even asked. Clearly, he respected that it could be an issue too. You’re not crazy or selfish. You just had understandable feelings. But better an engagement than something tragic. At least, the time around your wedding will be extra happy and exciting.

    Hope you’re enjoying the time before your big day!

    Post # 59
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’m so confused.  Are we talking about them getting engaged a week before your wedding or married a week before your wedding???  

    What does their engagement have anything to do with your wedding??  I had to read this several times to see if I was missing something and I am still confused….

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