Post # 17
thanks for all the responses!
the situation is that his sister lives in our town (although the wedding will be where my parents are living, around 4 hours away)… and it is his only sibling. i guess i feel “okay” about her, but i’m not writing home about her– if that makes sense. she is around 10 years older… has a baby… married for a long time, etc. i guess in my mind, when i imagine the “right before the wedding time,” i think about me and my best friends giggling and talking about all of our fun times in the past… and his sister might be an awkward addition to that time. does that make sense? i just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Post # 18
Not necessary, but nice if you get along with her or your fiance really wants her in the wedding.
I have a brother (well two, but one is only 4) and he has one sister so we just decided that we wanted both in our wedding. I would have probably asked anyway because its become a nice opportunity to do things together and I’d like to have a really good relationship with all the inlaws.
Post # 19
My Fiance has 2 teenage sisters, and I have 2 brothers in their late 30s. Originally we were having none of them stand up, but all of them contribute in the ceremony. Now I wish I had asked his sisters, so instead I had dresses made for them to coordinate with the bridesmaids, and they’re hanging out with the bridal party over the wedding weekend. By the end of your planning you’ll probably be closer to her than you are now, and you may wish you had asked. That’s been my experience!
Post # 20
I think it depends on your relationship with the sisters. In my situation my fiance’s two sisters do not live in town, they are great girls, but at the same time I don’t have anything in common with them. I only asked them in the wedding because i felt like I had too. If i could have done it again, I would have discussed the situation with my fiance first and maybe involved them in something else, but not as bridesmaids. I feel like bridesmaids are way for the bride to share her special moment with her closet friends.
Post # 21
If you’re worried about hurting feelings, I’d include her. I really loved having my SIL there with me while we were getting ready, and I think it gave us a good opportunity to bond. I would feel terribly left out, and I have a cousin who is really upset that her Future Sister-In-Law isn’t including her. If you’re lukewarm, it’s a wonderful gesture and a great way to start building more ties with her.
Post # 22
I don’t think it’s necessary. I think of the wedding party as comprised of your best friends (blood related or not). It’s your best friends who will want to help you out on your wedding day, plan a shower, and/or plan a bachelorette (and not mind shelling out money to be in your wedding party) – simply because they love you and want the best for you. If you are not particularly close to your Future Sister-In-Law or not on the same wavelength in terms of where you are in life (ie; she has a family and is not interested in a girls night out or showing up to the wedding early for makeup/hair when she has little kids to take care of), having her in your wedding party will probably take some fun out of things. In some cases, you may feel subconscious resentment when she doesn’t seem interested in the events that are “all about you”.
Post # 23
Some families find that really important and others may not care. I would say have your FH inquire with his mom as to what she thinks. Some people take it very personally, I wouldn’t care that much- it’s a big and expensive job, you can leave me out!
Post # 24
technically, no. But if you have half a brain and want to start your new relationship w/ his fam on the right foot, invite her. 😉 Why even put yourself in the situation to have to explain purposely leaving them out? They can decline, if they’re not interested.
Post # 25
HaHa! Great question! Well … according my Future Sister-In-Law (who is also getting married this year) said “you should never include a SIL in wedding party! It just ruins the pictures when the SIL’s marriage breaks up!”
Post # 26
totally not necessary to invite her! i wasn’t in my brother’s wedding, or my Future Sister-In-Law when she was married last month….and neither will be in mine. my feelings weren’t hurt at all – as we all live far away from each other and haven’t had time to build a relationship. i love them both – but I agree – you want your best friends by your side right before you walk down the aisle!
Post # 27
It’s not mandatory, but it’s a good idea to help form the new family relationships. My Fiance has 2 sisters, both live in the same area several hundred miles away from me. I asked the one closer to my age (since I talk to her more often) to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 28
I did not include my two Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding. His dad is marrying us, his one sister is performing the readings and is the mother of the flower girl, and his other sister is singing a solo during the ceremony. I truly believe that it is okay to pick the bridesmaids that represent you and where you are coming from. There are other wonderful ways to include family in the service. And you can always invite people to come over and hang out when you are getting ready. It’s just a silly dress and a silly title when you think about it!
Post # 29
I think it is mandatory. You are starting your lives together and becoming each other’s family. By asking your Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid you’re saying to her that you think of her as family, (after all, you’d ask your own sister to be in the bridal party). Think of it not as she’s just standing up for you but she’s standing up for your hubby, just on the opposite side.
As an anecdote, my FH’s brother got married a few years ago. His wife didn’t ask her Future Sister-In-Law, (FH’s sister), to be in the wedding. Future Sister-In-Law REALLY resented her for it especially because FH WAS in the wedding so she was the only sibling of the three not in it. It’s about 5 years later and they still don’t have a good relationship because Future Sister-In-Law feels very slighted.
Post # 30
I decided to make my sister-in-law a bridesmaid even though we weren’t close, but we’ve grown a lot closer since. She was very touched and the wedding planning has given lots of opportunities for us to hang out. She’s more like a sister now and I’m glad I added her 🙂
Post # 31
@sillygoose: With that additional info, considering the big age difference, would your fiance consider having his sister as his “best woman”? I think that might make more sense. Also, try to find out from him if his sister would want to be one of your BMs if he’s not really feeling having her on side side. If he thinks she would be hurt if she wasn’t included, I would ask her. But if he doesn’t think it would be a big deal, and you think having her in the party would be awkward, maybe ask her to play another important role?