(Closed) fiance’s sister in wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i didnt have much of a choice – it was expected. we arent really close, are completely different people, and now i have to worry about if she can afford the dress i pick. but i drew the line at having her daughter in the wedding (my future niece) since i dont want children in the wedding at all. I am hoping it works out, all my other Bridesmaid or Best Man know each other and have met and there will be lots of inside jokes, so i hope she doesnt feel left out, but if it was up to me i probably wouldnt have asked….

Post # 48
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My fiance has six sisters. Yes, I said six…but all of them are at least 12 years + older than me. My Fiance parents met later in life after his mother had his sisters and then his parents had him. He is only 28. I decided instead of having them as a bridesmaid that I would have one of them as a reader, another one has a program attendant and have two of his nieces as bridesmaids.

Post # 49
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Really depends on how close the family is, and what your future hubbie thinks. But in many ways, you will be becoming part of their family, so its good to get things off to a good start.

Post # 50
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My FH has 2 sisters, one of whom I would absolutely LOVE to have as a bridesmaid, but if I ask her I have to have the other sister, who is a disrespectful little brat. So, no, I don’t think it’s mandatory to have them in the wedding, particularly if there are circumstances in which Future Sister-In-Law has proven herself unable to handle and/or support your impending nuptials.

Post # 51
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think it’s mandatory. We are not having our siblings in our wedding party but they are being included in other ways. We just didn’t want to have that whole if i ask one of your sisters/brothers i have to ask the other type thing. Plus we’d rather have them free to enjoy the wedding with extended fam/friends rather than having to worry about what needs to be going on or what Bridesmaid or Best Man or Groomsmen responsibilities they need to fulfill.

Post # 52
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think it’s a really, really good idea in general to ask future sibling-in-laws to be attendants. Obviously everyone’s circumstances are different, but the conclusion I ended up coming to after a lot of thought is that it’s worth putting aside a lot of other concerns.

In our case, I wanted our sides to be balanced, and that meant not inviting Future Sister-In-Law because Fiance didn’t have just one other guy he could ask. Any of his other friends, he’d have to ask two of them or more if he asked one. After several months of thinking about it, I decided to chalk this one up to one of my cardinal wedding-planning rules that I have evolved over the months: if you have a chance to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, opt for the high road.

I’m glad I asked her, since she said yes immediately, even though I’d been convinced that she didn’t care. We’re not close, being five years apart in age and living on different sides of the country, but I like her a lot and I’m looking forward to spending family holidays with her for the next handful of decades, now with one less slightly traumatic past misdeed to worry about.

So, we’re having uneven sides. Big deal. I don’t know why I was so hung up on balanced sides for so long. The pictures will look great. To top it off, she’s friends with both of the groomsmen, so I know the wedding party hanging out and photos will be a lot of fun.

Post # 53
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Definitely not–my SIL didn’t ask me to be in her&my brother’s wedding, but I helped her out in other ways such as guestbook attendant, seat usherer, etc etc. In a way, not being her Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t make me any less important; besides, I got to spend time with my ex bf (who was my bf at the time of the wedding) rather than be tugged around with the rest of the bridal party and leaving him to fend for himself. If your FI’s sister is close to you, then by all means ask. But if not, you’re better off giving her another job that she could help out with but still have time to hang out with her friends/family.

Post # 54
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes.  I would have been deeply offended if my SIL had not asked me to be a bridesmaid when she married my brother.  A wedding si the joining together of two families and the groom’s side is just as important, I think everyone should be included.  I also think brothers and sisters should be included before friends…

Post # 55
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I asked both of my FSIL’s to be in our wedding. My FH has a family “web” so there’s older children and a younger child. So the older sister is a Bridesmaid or Best Man and the younger one is a Flower Girl. I asked them because I have a pretty good relationship with both of them. I wouldn’t feel obligated, though…

Post # 56
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I didn’t think it was mandatory, but a great gesture. He only has one sister and one brother. His brother is one of his Best Men, so I also asked his sister. We get along just fine and she’s thrilled.

Post # 57
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I asked both my fsil’s to be in my wedding (one is already married to my fiance’s brother, the other was a girlfriend of another of firance’s brother) and i felt pretty good about the decision because in a lot of ways it brought us closer as a family, especially because the brothers are all close. the one fsil who was a girlfriend did not ask me or our other sis-in-law, and now we both talk about how hurt we were about it. it just feels… cold. i guess it depends on your wedding party and circumstances, but if you’re worried about hurting feelings, i would ask her because it hurt both of us that this chick left us out.

Post # 58
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I was in my Future Sister-In-Law wedding, which was a shock to me. I barely knew her, lived half away across the US. I was w/ my Fiance for about 4 years when she asked. I was flattered, but if she didn’t I wouldn’t have been offended. If your close w/ her, I say do it. If not I am sure she will understand.

Post # 58
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

 

mandalee0624:  My fiance has two sisters and I have three brothers. He is planning on putting one of my brothers in the wedding because they have gotten very close. However, I don’t think my other brothers will care that they arent in it cause they’re guys.

My problem is that one of his sisters we’ll call Amber is also getting married and has already asked me to be in her wedding. I am pretty close with her and would like to put her in our wedding BUT his other sister we’ll call Katie is a “piece of work.”  She is a person who “will only be in her Amber’s wedding IF she gets to pick the bridesmaid dresses, and they’re long enough, and cover her tattoos” and blah blah blah.  Which bothers me. If I’m asking you to be in my wedding you should wear whatever I want you to wear with a smile on your face.

And like most guys are my fiance is very relaxed about the whole situation. He just wants me happy and our wedding day to be as amazing as possible.  I just don’t wanna cause any drama or conflict between us and his family.

Post # 59
Member
4039 posts
Honey bee

Did anyone notice that this thread is 5 years old?

 

Post # 60
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

No! I don’t think it’s necessary at all. I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid and I have HUGE regrets about it. We’re just not that close, and after years of us both saying how we wanted to be closer, she has let me down time and time again.

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