(Closed) Fiance's sister…MAJOR VENT!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

The wanting to spend time with him thing and all that is a little weird, maybe she’s just worried that his priorities will change once he’s married, this is something he should talk to her about. 

 

As for who she walks with, this one I’m a little more forgiving on because she likely grew up with these guys too, and as a little sister, I can comfortably say that I would NOT have been comfortable linking arms with just any of my brother’s friends, because some of them were also my ex-boyfriends (a fact that he may or may not be aware of).  I think this is a pretty harmless request honestly, and if it were me I’d accomodate.  Maybe she has an even more unpleasant history with some of these guys that she’s not prepared to talk about or share?

I knew a girl in college who was raped by her brother’s roommate, and she never told anyone in her family and didn’t press charges – if he had gotten married, it would have been HORRIBLE for her to have to walk down arm in arm with him, even for a few minutes.  

Post # 3
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s weird that she would act like this considering you guys are good friends, but like many 21 year olds, she probably just thinks the world revolves around her and is uncomfortable that a situation is upcoming in which she patently is NOT the star. Let your Fiance handle his sister, but let him know you expect him to talk to you first before he makes any kind of promises to his sister.

The truth is, this is a really common thing in wedding-planning. Suddenly everyone around you has an opinion you need to listen to, advice you need to take, a plan you need to accomodate, or an expectation you need to fulfill. You and your Fiance will pull your hair out if you take all the unwanted input seriously. I suggest you talk to your Fiance about how you both need to make a promise of listening kindly, but not committing to anything until you have both discussed the situation privately. I recommend coming up with a nicely-packaged line you both can feed out to put-off the demand-makers, like: “That’s an interesting idea. We’ll have to think on that and discuss it. We’ll be letting you know what the final decision is.”

Post # 4
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

reee:  You shouldn’t take any of that personally though. I mean, she should be able to be honest with her own brother. I don’t take any of this as being about you at all. She’s important, and wants to make sure she remains important to her brother. She’d likely be a bit miffed that he disclosed all those details to you; it doesn’t really concern you. Let the woman vent to her brother.

No offense intended, just my take on it.

Post # 5
Member
848 posts
Busy bee

She’s strange! She’s 21 and she worried about spending time with her brother on his wedding day? She should be more worried about drinking mimosa’s with the girls and getting ready.

Your Fiance needs to sit her down and explain that his wedding morning is about him and his guys- not her and she needs to get over these feelings. As for the walking down the aisle- it’s a short walk- she needs to understand that it’s like 2 seconds of her life- again your Fiance needs to talk to her about that too, if possible put her with her brother, but I wouldn’t loose sleep over it.

 

Post # 6
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

Easy appeasement:

It’s really not unorthodox for women to stand on the groom’s side.  If she’s very close to him, you may want to consider just having her be a groomswoman, which would mean she can spend the morning with her brother (while he’s still where he needs to be).

BUT on the other hand, I can see the morning dissolving into her being a weepy, meloncholy presence, and him spending the whole morning consoling her.  So if she’s THAT type, it might be in everyone’s best interests to keep her away.

Ugh!  Maybe he and her can compromise, and they can do a little mini “siblings night” a few nights before the wedding, to reconnect and reassure her?  This is absolutely the worst, because I know my fi has 4 younger siblings who are likely going to react the same way!  18-9.  Yikes.

Post # 7
Member
5934 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
reee:  Haha! Wow! This is a MAJOR VENT??

1- I promise none of this matters because it is a year from now. She won’t even remember she wants to hang out with him that day.

2- I’m sure at the moment she does feel like she’s “losing her brother”. I’m an only child and even I can see this. Life is changing for her, too.

3- There are so many bigger things you will have to worry about, don’t sweat the teenie tiny stuff. You’ll make yourself nuts.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My fiances sister is my maid of honor and we kind of went through that to. She said she wanted to take pictures and be with her brother on the morning of the wedding, even though she’s my maid of honor and has to come by me to get ready and all that. 

In this situation it’s best to humor her as much as possible and also explain things calmly to her. 

For example I told my fiances sister that she needs to come get ready with hair makeup and photos she wont have enough time to be with her brother. So we compromised that she would stop by her brother for 15 minutes and take photos with him then she will rush over to my house.

Explain calmly to your sister in law as to why she’s standing with a certain partner. Also jsut because she states these demands or wants doesn’t mean it’s going to happen so dont overstress it.

Post # 9
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Honestly, i find it kind of cute. yes, she likes you. But this isn’t about you and her, this is about her love for her brother. Once a sibling gets married, they are never just “your sibling” they have a new identity. As adults, we can be happy for our siblings that they found a new life partner, but for someone like her, at 21, i am sure she will miss the times it was just the two of them.

As for walking down the aisle with a sibling rather than the brother’s friend, that makes sense to me. I think this is all sweet and not personal at all. If you want to continue to have your nice relationship with her, you should be okay with them having their brother sister bonding time. 

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