(Closed) Fiance’s Sister not in Wedding Party

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

With two weeks out, there isn’t much you can do, but perhaps to strengthen the ties, you can reach out to her and indicate you are thankful she’s there to help coordinate the flowergirl and ring bearer – essentially, make her feel that even though she’s not officially part of the party, she’s still important/contributing.

Post # 4
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

You could maybe ask her to be in your (extended) wedding party as a Reader or Usher?

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

It’s probably too late for her to get a matching dress, but why not have her dress nice and walk down with the kids.  They will probably need a little push to make it down the aisle anyway, and she could walk behind them.  Get her flowers, and include her in pictures.

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think you can still recognize her as an honored guests by giving her corsage or flowers to carry.  Also make sure she is included in pictures, definitely a sibling only picture as well.

Post # 7
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am in a similar situation. All of my siblings are in our wedding, but my Fiance sister is not. Again, we’re not that close for her to be a bridesmaid and her 3 and 4 year  old kids are flower girl and ring bearer. I really want her to help with them, because I don’t want them throwing fits during the ceremony.

Something I thought about doing, was asking her to cut the cake. That way, she’s a part of the wedding, but not the actual ceremony where she’ll need to watch her kids. You could also have her be in charge of guestbook, hand out programs, be the person that stands at the gift table when people arrive at the reception. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Have your Fiance talk to his sister – you stay out of it. Have him say something to her like "Paige is so relieved that you are going to be there helping out with the kids and are able to put out any last-minute fires." Do you know what I mean? Have him convey to her in a subtle way that she is an important part of the day – which she is – and that might make her feel better.

Post # 9
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m going to be in the minority here, but giving her a "job" to do such as cutting your cake or handing our programs is exactly that…getting her to work at your wedding. It doesn’t exactly say "I’m so glad we’re family", to me it says " You’re not important enough to be in my wedding, but I do need you to work at it". I would give her a corsage or smaller bouquet, whatever your mothers or other special guests have. I would also buy her a small gift to thank her for helping with her kids and husband on the day of and write her a little note.

 

That is one of the Southern traditions that I hate the most. Who wants to be invited as a guest and then made to spend the better part of the reception working? Argh. Gotta love the South.

Post # 10
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree with Candi and Kate. The little ones will feel better if their mom is there, and it’s not a pity job.

Post # 11
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

::::raises hand::::

my Fiance has only one sister and she is not a bridesmaid. several weeks after i made the decision, it got back to us that she was upset. i chose not to have her as a bridesmaid bc i wanted to be surrounded by people i knew and that i was comfortable with. i barely know her and i didnt think to ask her bc we aren’t close.

in the end, she does have a job. not sur eif she’s going to do it yet. But i plan to have a really nice corsage made for her, on the level of the mothers. and she will be escorted down the aisle by one of the ushers before the mothers.

had I known it would have caused drama, i probably would have put her in the the wedparty to play nice. but whats done is done. i can only think to offer your fsil the invitation to get ready with you before the wedding. be involved in whatever pampering and services you have lined up for the rest of the girls.

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I don’t think she wants to feel "needed" – she wants to feel special, and not left out of people you have honored.  Is there a part of the ceremony she can do?  Something the officiant is already planning like a prayer of some sort?  I would look for a way to honor her – she feels right to feel left out as the only sibling not in the wedding party.

Other things you can do are to make sure you grab her and tell the photographer you want a pic of the two of you together, maybe mention her at the rehearsal dinner if you will give a speech to the guests, give her a bouquet the day of the wedding, etc etc

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