Post # 1
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
If your fiance has a sister (or if you have a brother), are they being included as Bridesmaid or Best Man or GM?
I am close with my younger brother and he is a fan of my FH, and I REALLY want him included, and my FH plans to have him as a Groomsmen. I feel that it is appropriate then, for me to include his sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My only issue is that, in all the time we’ve dated, she has made NO move to be friends with me in spite of my efforts. She isn’t mean to me, just sort of indifferent/snobbish (doesn’t really react if I speak to her, I feel like I have to re-get to know her every time we interact). FH isn’t all that close to her either (in his words, he’d be there if she needed him, but they have never “clicked”). I won’t have a problem including her in the wedding itself, I just worry that she won’t want to participate in any activities that lead up to it, etc, and I REALLY don’t want to have constantly go out of my way to try and make sure she’s having a good time when she clearly doesn’t want to be there. Do you any of you have similar situations, and what are you doing?
Post # 3
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
I say no. Been through the same thing. It’s your wedding ONLY INCLUDE people that you have an emotional connection.
Post # 4
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
My situation was a little different because my Fiance didn’t have many close male friends to include in the bridal party. We both wanted to include our siblings, so rather than having her on my side, we had her on his side. He had one groomsman, his sister, and his best female friend. I had my sister (MOH) and two bridesmaids. All the women wore the same thing though. His sister lived in CA, so she didn’t come to any of my pre-wedding activities, though she was invited (I certainly didn’t expect her to travel). Maybe his sister will warm up to you once you’re family? If you don’t want to have her in the wedding party, maybe you could have her do a reading? Or you could give her the choice?
Here’s a photo of our wedding party…
ETA: In hindsight, I was really glad we included his sister (though she has always been friendly to me, so I can see how it might be different if she were not that way). I really felt like I “bonded” with her a little bit more talking about bm dresses and getting dressed together and everything the morning of…
I wouldn’t go out of your way though to make sure she’s having a good time if she’s not putting in any effort yourself… and if you think it would cause you too much stress, then I’d lean towards including her in another way.
Post # 5
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
@78h2o: That’s so cute, but we really have more mutual male friends than either of us has female friends, so really if I don’t include her, it would be uneven and my brother would likely be cut from the Groomsmen side. Maybe I can just find something else for him to do (he’ll be 18 or 19 when we get married….so it isn’t like FH and my brother are super close, but they are definitely friendly and have always gotten along really well). As I said, I wouldn’t have a problem including her IF I wasn’t worried that SHE would drag me down during what is supposed to be an exciting process for me, and what fun would it be to have Bridesmaid or Best Man who wasn’t having a good time and dreaded being a part of it?
Post # 6
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
We only included those to whom we were close – and that meant his sister is not on my side nor is my brother on his side (even though he know my brother a lot better than I know his sister, that at Thanksgiving I met for the 3 time in the 3.5 years we’ve been together). My side is my sister, cousin, and sister-in-law (brother’s wife). His side is his brother, and two friends.
You say that you want your brother included. Have you thought about having your brother as a “Bridesmate” instead? Or an usher?
ETA: It just seems that you are pushing your Fiance to have your brother, and he may have people that he wants there instead that he’s known much longer. I personally felt strongly that my side should be my people (rather than the “women”) and his side ought to be his people (whether male or female).
Post # 7
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
@2impatient: I guess I was thinking maybe you could have your brother on your side and he could have his sister on his… maybe that would allow you to not invite her to your bachelorette party & shower if you think she wouldn’t want to go anyway or would make things awkward for you…
Maybe talk to your brother and see what he prefers? Would he really like to be in the wedding party or would he be happy being an usher or doing a reading? Maybe Fiance could talk to his sister and see what she’d prefer? I really don’t think the sides need to be even… it’s really about you and Fiance having the people who mean the most to you surrounding you when you make a lifelong committment to each other – however that works out (in my opinion anyway).
Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
@kay01: Haha no, we JUST got engaged and started talking about it, and he had no problem whatsoever with including him (no pushing at all). I would just hate to have my brother included and then NOT ask his sister!
@78h2o: I’m leaning toward having my brother do something else, as you said. Gosh, I had no idea just how many roles were actually in a wedding!
Post # 9
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
Fiance has one sister and she is one of my bridesmaids.
Post # 10
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
I think if you don’t get along with the sister, it’s going to make your experience difficult. However, if he/she get’s along with you then that’s alright. My brother was my husbands best man.
Post # 11
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
I am bad..I only put his youngest sister in my wedding. At first I said I was not going to put any of them but to be nice I put her. They are nice to me but do not come out of their way to be friendly. I only talk to them when I text or call. The one sister was pissed and still pissed she is not part of our wedding. I said its my wedding and I will do it my way.
Post # 12
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
Im having one of my FH sisters (he has 4 total) as a bridesmaid but that is only because we are friends and we are close. I would suggest only having your friends be your bridesmaids. He is also having one of my brothers be his groomsman (I have 2 total). If you dont want her to be a bridesmaid, there are other roles in the wedding she can participate in. I just recently on this site heard about usherettes?? Just throwing you some ideas out.
Post # 13
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
He included my brother despite them not being close. It was a huge issue at the time but it was important for my family and absolutely the best choice for us in the long run. They are much closer now and I think had my brother not been in the wedding there would be some negative results. It turned out for the best.
Post # 14
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
My Fiance is having my brother as one of his groomsmen. They have become pretty good friends over the last few years, so it wasn’t too much of a decision. I’m not having his sister though- she is about 10 years older than us, and I don’t know her very well. His sister’s daughter is one of our flower girls though- because I did want to make sure to include more of his family.
Post # 15
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
Under the influence of my Future Mother-In-Law I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man. I told my Fiance he was required to ask my BIL to be his Groomsmen in due course.
We are close to our siblings and each other’s siblings so it felt natural to include all family members in the bridal party. I’m just glad my Fiance didn’t have 4 sisters or vice versa.
I invited my FI’s brother’s girlfriend to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man too because I know she will be my SIL someday. I’m glad I did this because it gives us three a chance to bond more and get to know each other better.
Post # 16
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
I am one of 5 (1 sister, 3 brothers) and my Fiance has one sister and 3 step siblings. With only 4 on each side we really couldn’t include everyone as well as our closest friends. I am including my sister and his sister (because he is close with her, and I have become very close with her), but we are not including my brothers. We were going to have them as ushers, but with only 100-125 guests we felt it would a waste of $200 each for a tux. Everyone has been really understanding.
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