(Closed) Fiance's son held hostage for Wedding

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 76
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
slomotion :  Exactly …. 

Post # 77
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
slomotion :  I wish! I remember the OP’s previous threads because they were so disturbing. Sexual assault while she’s sleeping? Verbal abuse? However I fear that pointing that out will result in the OP never coming back to respond, just like when numerous Bees rightfully pointed out that she should ditch this jacka**. Yet here we are talking about their impending nuptials.

To those who don’t seem to get why she’d object to having her FI’s ex-wife there (beyond the obvious fact that her feelings are valid and you don’t need to agree with her for those feelings to be OK), would you honestly be alright with having your FI’s ex in attendance when three months ago he compared you unfavorably to his ex-wife? From the OP’s previous thread: “… he told me that he is more unsure of our relationship than he has been of any relationship he’s ever been in. He’s told me I’m the most horrible human being he’s ever met and said some very hurtful things comparing me to his ex wife in a light that she was so much better than I am.”

I don’t care how much of a cool girl you may be; if your future husband said that about his ex-wife I doubt you’d want to see her face in the crowd at your wedding. “Oh hey, lady who is far superior to me and whom my future husband prefers. Great to see ya!”

Post # 78
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
annamarie92 :  And that’s not the biggest problem of all?????

Post # 79
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think the thing I find the most disturbing is that you’re focused on the fact that you truly believe your fiance will be with his ex wife and their son the entirety of the wedding.

Sorry, but if you truly believe your fiance would make you the 4th wheel in their trio at your own wedding, you need to reevaluate your relationship in its entirety.  Don’t forget, you should be planning for a marriage, not only planning a wedding.  

Post # 80
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
annamarie92 :  Sorry, but this is part of marrying a man with a child from a previous marriage. I planned my wedding around our existing custody arrangement and still would have allowed my ex to attend if he requested because it was a big day for our son, too. No one will care or notice she is there except you. Her being there won’t make it any less your day unless she makes you feel insecure. 

The child will need supervision and since the mother has the vast majority of the custody your stepson probably will respond and feel most comfortable with his mother in a new social setting. If your stepson was older, I would feel differently, but three year olds are still mastering potty training and basic table manners.  

Post # 81
Member
10483 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
BridetoBee2017 :  He’s already told her he prefers the ex-wife to her and shes just a poor stand in. I’d say the concern is pretty valid.

I’d also say she needs to get off this crazy train and dump him.

Post # 83
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
slomotion :  Oh heellllllllll no.

I would kick him to the curb so fast. 

Post # 84
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
CakeSniffer :  +1000

“I don’t care how much of a cool girl you may be; if your future husband said that about his ex-wife I doubt you’d want to see her face in the crowd at your wedding”

If my future husband said that to me, he’d be my ex-fiance not my future husband. 

View original reply
slomotion :  “He’s already told her he prefers the ex-wife to her and shes just a poor stand in.”

What in the seriousness of fucks OP?!?! Why are you even with this douche?  

Post # 85
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
fromatoz :  this is not what i meant. And I am sorry if I have offended you. 

Post # 86
Member
10483 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Guuuurl, there’s a whole lot of backstory in OPs post history that didn’t make it into this thread.

She deserves a lot better.

YOU HEAR THAT OP? YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS ASSCLOWN.

Post # 87
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
annamarie92 :  I see.  For me personally, that is a little soon to act like there’s water under the bridge.  

But more importantly, this in conjunction with some of the other things you have posted makes marriage seem like maybe not the right decision.

A lot of what you shared was objectively awful and nobody should have to tolerate what you’ve been tolerating.

Do you have anybody close to that you can talk to?  Even a counselor?

Post # 88
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
slomotion :  YIKES indeed, I’m only catching the tip of the iceberg on the backstory here and that’s more than enough to kick Mr. Assclown to the curb. 

OP it’s truly saddening when Bees post about relationships like this. Not that relationships are perfect glittering fairy tales, but treating you like crap and telling you he settled for you, his ex is so much better than you…..none of this is normal or acceptable. Please find yourself enough self esteem so YOU don’t settle for this kind of bs. 

Post # 89
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

As someone that had to invite a few people I didn’t want to, to my wedding and someone with small kids… I would have to advise that you let the ex come to the wedding.

As a mom – 3 is really young.  As other PPs have said, even though the MOG and aunts and uncles promised to watch him, I would still feel uncomfortable.  No one is going to care about your kids more than you.  Yes some grandparents care a lot but all the grandparents that will be there will be part of the wedding in some form and will have to mix and mingle with family and friends.

As a person that had to have terrible people come to my wedding – you won’t notice them seriously unless they cause a scene and even then you might not notice them.  I have a bunch of uncles and aunts that are just mean spirited people, because my grandmother was an overall terrible person (yeah I know it’s weird to say but she was awful!).  I didn’t want to invite them but I was forced to.  (Yes I know I could have put my foot down but that was just not a battle I was willing to fight).  They all tried their best to ruin my wedding by dressing very poorly, saying terrible things about me to anyone that would listen and trying to start fights!  But to be honest I didn’t really notice all of that and them dressing poorly only reflected badly on them and them bad mouthing me – well no one believed them (like who would bad mouth a bride on her wedding day?  A terrible person which anyone that didn’t know them thought when they told me what happened months later – a bunch of my friends that didn’t know my aunts and uncles told me this.) People defused the fights as quickly as possible and everything worked out well.  It was fine because I was marrying my husband.

I did read the whole thread before replying though.  I don’t want to tell you what to do with your relationship but for me I think I would step away from this relationship.  I think you can do better!

Post # 90
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m pretty frustrated at the posts saying, “well a mother needs to be there to look after her child”. No one would dream of saying the father must be invited to look after the child if the mother was getting married, because they know a mother would ensure the child was her priority, even on her wedding day, making sure relatives would care for him when she can’t. As a father would. So no, the mother does not need to be there.

A friend of mine married with a 3 year old son. (And her ex wasn’t there, and the kid was fine). He’s a teenager now, and he doesn’t remember it. So there’s no harm in having the son miss it. If Fiance won’t stand up, then his son can miss the wedding. That’s far preferable to the ex being there.

As an aside, Fiance should be fighting to get 50% custody of his son. But then, perhaps this comes down to the fact that he’s a pretty sh*tty guy, based on some other posts.

The topic ‘Fiance's son held hostage for Wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors