(Closed) Fiance’s Sulking Over Blown-Up Fight

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You both acted like 12 year olds. He should have done the dishes and not taken the women in the house for granted and you shouldn’t have slapped him.

Post # 4
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@SandyDollHair:  pretty much my answer.

 

Sounds like you both have some growing up to do that you might want to address before making things permanent.

Post # 5
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Yeah… it sounds like neither of you were at your best last night, but he needs to acknowledge his role in the fight too. Calling you a “B” and saying “eff off” is IMO as bad as you slapping him. It’s a verbal slap in the face, and not the way to talk to someone you love.

Do you have anyone you could stay with for a couple of days? It sounds like maybe giving each other a little space to cool down might be a good idea.

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@katiebeary:  Sleeping in the spare room sounds like a good idea. If it were me, I’d probably let him know that when he’s ready to acknowledge his role in things getting hand and ready to apologize, I’d be willing to talk. But if he’s not there yet it’s probably not going to be a productive conversation. But swearing at your partner is not acceptable, and if this has happened before, I would be either be going to couples counseling or re-evaluating the relationship. 🙁 Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t consider a fight that includes domestic violence to be blown out of proportion. If a Bee came on here saying that her SO hit her during a fight, then most people would be saying to leave immediately. 

I would get some serious counseling before even considering marriage. It’s really not normal to get so angry and frustrated that you hit your SO. 

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

reverse the situation – if he hit you, right now there would be a dozen posts saying leave now and talking about red flags.  i understand that you were angry and frustrated but i dont care if he told you to f*** off, that didnt give you the right to hit him

if this was me i would approach him and offer counselling for both of you so you can work better at communication and setting boundries in the home

goodluck – this doesnt have to be the end of the world, just work on it so it NEVER happens again.

Post # 10
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@eloping:  yup. if this had been a male on female slap, there’d be 150 posts all saying to leave. ‘No woman should have to live with someone who would hit them, they do it once they’ll do it again, doesn’t matter if you provoked him’……all that stuff.

I think the same should be true for a man and I’m wondering a little bit why it seems to be so much more acceptable when it’s the other way around.

You both need to talk to a professional about your anger issues and communication between the two of you.

Post # 11
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Wow, what each of you did is not acceptable, at all. He was wrong not to help his mother, he was wrong to verbally attack you, you were wrong to hit him . . . I just don’t know. You two really need to discuss your values and how you communicate because as a PP said, “snapping” and slapping someone you love is not a normal reaction.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MidwestBride2012:  

@eloping:  

@hisgoosiegirl:  

You three are thinking exactly the same thing as me, I’m shocked that many PPs seem to think that swearing in a fight is just as big of a deal as slapping someone. I have to completely disagree with Molly, there is NO WAY the two can be compared, and if one person in this relationship should be re-evaluating or demanding an apology before they’ll talk, it should be the one who hit their FI!

OP, I’m glad that unlike some of the responses you understand that hitting him is unacceptable and that him swearing at you is not an excuse. I agree that you need to be talking to a counselor, if a simple request of yours causes him to swear, and him swearing causes you t hit him, it is clear the two of you could really use help learning to communicate and handle/express your emotions properly. Especially since you are living with in laws, that is bound to cause tension.

Post # 13
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@hisgoosiegirl:  Not saying hitting is ever okay, but I think maybe the reason people tend to be more concerned when it’s a man hitting a woman is because women are often more physically vulnerable and less able to defend themselves.

OP did acknowledge that what she did was wrong but meanwhile her SO said “he thinks he wasn’t in the wrong calling me a B and telling me to eff off” which to me is unbelievable.

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

people tend to be more concerned when it’s a man hitting a woman is because women are often more physically vulnerable and less able to defend themselves.

and this is part of the reason why so many men are abused but never report it – because its not “manly” to be abused by a chick

lots of threads about neighbors calling the cops because they think the male neighbor is hitting the woman but no one here suggesting the Fiance call the cops on OP

not saying police are requried in this case but not all women are weak victims

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Molly929:  but for all we know, the OP is a 250lb bodybuilder and her Fiance is Elijah Wood. Physical dominance is often a part of domestic abuse…..but men are abused too, and other things come into play – mental/emotional control/money – lots of things.

I just think if we’re going to villianize every man that hits a woman and not allow for things like the woman provoking, extreme stress, one-time occurence with a lot of guilt/apologies, then we should do the same here.

 

I get your point though, that it is likely that a woman’s slap is doing less damage than a man’s fist.

Post # 16
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Molly929:  That is a dangerous stereotype that you are perpetuating, a woman hitting a man is just as bad. Some men cannot defend themselves, and most who can still won’t. Unfortunately, in most abusive relationships the person being hit does not fight back. Men are just as vulnerable to it as women. 

The topic ‘Fiance’s Sulking Over Blown-Up Fight’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors