Post # 76
I’m sorry, bee. I would end it – he is only going to waste far more of your time. A man who wants to marry you won’t feel pressured to do so, and will feel free and open to discuss the future and timelines. Heck, he will even be excited to do so. A lot of red flags here but better to know now than after the wedding.
Post # 77
avah : Here’s the thing bee. You know what changes when you get married? Absolutely nothing. You still get up and go to work every morning, you still kiss him hello/or goodbye, still hang out with friends, out to dinner or the movies……nothing changes except your status goes from legally single to legally married.
So what’s going to be different two years from now that will dramatically affect your relationship? Answer: not much.
He still wanted to be single to keep his options open bee and proposing/marrying closes those options. Instead of simply having an adult conversation about when he will be ready and establish a timeline…..he took the immature yet cowardly route and then blamed you for it.
Is this really what you want to sign up for?
Post # 78
I’m so sorry Bee,
sounds like putting it off for two years is another way to drag his feet. I can’t stand when people aren’t honest and upfront with their intentions.
If it makes you feel better I was in a similar situation twice. The first time I got engaged I was 21 and the guy told me what he gave me was just a ring to shut me up. That relationship ended badly.
my second relationship I was with him for 11 years and he proposed and seemed to want to marry me. Put a deposit down on a nice venue and bought a wedding dress. Then after that he decides to tell me he had no intention of marrying me.
four years after that I’m now in my late thirties
I finally found someone who doesn’t have commitment issues and can’t wait to get married.
Please don’t stick around for the ‘what ifs?’ Or ‘maybes’.
Find someone who follows through.
Post # 79
Hmmm. I wonder what’s worse: the fact that there’s an elephant in the room or the fact that this ding-dong has the communication skills of a three year old. Use the sense that you’ve been given and GTFO or you’re looking at THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Ya, we all want the sparkly party and fancy dress-but do you think it’s worth selling your soul for?
Post # 80
Katy Laura Henriksen :
What an odd post. There is no ‘elephant in the room’, OP AND fi were completely aware of a problem ( perhaps you misunderstand what the phrase means ? )
Yes, the fi is to blame but “Use the sense that you’ve been given” is hardly the language to use to a another adult , one who has shown herself to be perfectly competent mentally, moreover.
Nowhere did she even hint at the need for a “sparkly party and fancy dress”
Nor can you assume we all want that, let alone would “sell our soul” for it. Good Lord .
Post # 81
elderbee : Wow, that has to be among the most bizarre posts I’ve read on this site. Sell your soul….what? :/
Post # 82
chiara : and elderbee :
Listen up. I was in the same situation once. Only when someone put it in very harsh terms did it sink in that if I didn’t get out I would be ruining at least several years if not the rest of my life. The patting my hand and saying, “you poor dear” did.not.work. I just made excuses for him. I wish the OP all the best, and my heart goes out to her, but at the end of the day, she knows what she needs to do.
Post # 83
elderbee : Just read that post and I’m amazed at what she’s said. I just want to get married. Never said anything about having a big wedding or wanting to feel like a princess!
Post # 84
Sooo it’s been 2 months… what’s happened??
Post # 86
beepboopbop : Nothing happened. I went away for some time to be able to think clearly but I decided to stay with him. He said that we will talk about marriage and start making arrangements for a wedding in a couple of years.
mel76 : Yes, I am still with him.
Post # 87
avah : “…in a couple years?!” And you’re already engaged? Girl, you can forget about ever marrying this guy.
At least be realistic about your choice to stay with him
Post # 88
neverbeenstungbee : Maybe he needs more time and isn’t lying or leading her on. It doesn’t mean he’ll never marry her, although a 2 year wait might be too long for OP. He should have told her before they got engaged.
Post # 89
beetobe27 : I get what you’re saying. I just think he already has led her on in a sense. If he wasn’t ready to get married I don’t get why he proposed….
Take some time to process your feelings, bee. If you want children you don’t have endless time to put up with his indecisiveness.
I think you need to evaluate whether this is a dealbreaker, OP.
Post # 90
neverbeenstungbee : I want children. I’ll be 32 in a couple of years. I do love my fiance and he has been telling me that he loves me, too. But he said he needs time and he wasn’t yet ready to be engaged or to get married.