(Closed) FI/DH/LTR’s and smoking

posted 7 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

You cant make anyone do anything, just like stop doing drugs, lose weight etc.

Is this a deal breaker for you? If it is, then you have to tell him and deal with the repurcussions, if its not you can do nothing but support him quitting when he wants and deal with him going back to the habit.

His mom doesnt make him smoke, he does. Its his decision at the end of the day. You say he has talked to his mom, but obviously not serious enough and consistent enough. He needs to tell her that if she offers him a cigarette and pressures him, he will not come around. But only he can do that, not you. And he has to mean it and stick to his promise.

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fiance didn’t start smoking until he was 21!  He quits about once a year, and keeps it up for months at a time.  Then he starts to “just have one” socially or while drinking, which after awhile turns into two, then three, then he’s smoking again 🙁

I’m not sure what to do about it either!  I really want him to stop now when he’s only been doing it for six years and hasn’t had decades to damage his health beyond repair.

Post # 5
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

This is a difficult conondrum. For some , smoking is a deal breaker! 

You will have to promise to love him , with or without the cigs.

Its okay to communicate your distaste and offer help, but ultimately he needs to do it on his own.

Post # 6
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My dad has smoked since his teens. He’s tried to quit many times, since my mom hates it, and he’s done okay a few times. But he always goes back to it, because he doesn’t really care enough to stop.

Personally, smoking has always been a complete deal-breaker for me. I would never even date someone who smokes. Assume that you will have to deal with this for the rest of your life and make a decision from there. Without his own willpower it’s unlikely he will ever stop smoking. My grandpa quit a lifetime of smoking at age 70 when he got cancer- he was finally motivated. He died of lung/upper body cancer a few years later though.

Post # 8
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Moja Milosc: Well if your man knows the weakness is just one, he needs to stand up to his mom and say the first time she offers him one he is going to leave. Its hard to say no when you are at the beginning of the quitting process and she isnt helping. He is letting her sabotage him.

Mom has not learned the repercussions of her sabotage and he needs to teach her. Cigarettes = no time together.

Post # 10
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Moja Milosc:E-cigs!!!!! OMG E-cigs are the best invention ever. My hubby switched to dip and it was as gross as the cigarettes, but we got pregnant the first time he switched to e-cigs and it was tough for a week or two, but now he LOVES them. I don’t think he’ll ever fully quit, but it’s much better for both of us, plus he can still go out and “smoke” with his mom.

 

Also, when he drinks, the urge to smoke is worse, so he uses the stronger fluid when he drinks and it WORKS. It’s so great, I can’t recommend it more.

It leaves him smelling like a drawing room full of that delicious pipe smoke–flavorful and heady but not puke-worthy and burnt.  Also the smell is much less strong.

 

 

ETA:  Smoking was a deal breaker for me, too. Oops.

Post # 11
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

**** I mean electronic cigarettes. They are very popular in Hawaii. My hubby loves the “lava” brand. Much cheaper than the crud they sell in the mall, plus they’re refillable.

Post # 12
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Has he talked with his doctor? My fiance and I both quit 3 months ago using the patches but when I talked with my doctor there were a ton of options.  There were classes we could go to, prescription medications, and you can get a prescription for the patches so it was so much cheaper then just buying them myself.  $10 copay vs. $50-60 a box at Costco.  I will say though he won’t quit until he’s really ready.  We’ve quit before but this time seems different.  We were just ready this time and I have no desire to smoke anymore, like I did the previous times I quit.

Post # 13
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have quit smoking for 2 months now using the patch. IT WORKS! 🙂

You have to learn to seperate yourself from people who smoke though just until you are done with the patch which is 8 weeks. I found the hardest part (and it IS hard) is to break the habit of routine. (The dreaming while on the patch is CRAZY but I recommend sleeping with it on anyways so that when you wake up in the morning you don’t have any cravings because that’s a pretty routine time for people to smoke)

He won’t quit until he’s ready. My fiance smoked before I did and hasn’t smoked in 6 years. He was a great supporter for me to quit, but I had to want to. Now he is SO proud and asks every day “so how many days has it been now?” or says “how is it feeling?” or “what are you finding the most challenging” so I know he is proud.

People that judge smokers and say “oh it isn’t hard, just quit” are pretty annoying. IT ISN’T EASY!

What I have found works is that for every 2 weeks I go without smoking I get to buy a new shirt or item of clothing 🙂 IT WORKS! Now when I am around smokers I can’t believe I used to smell like that!!

Post # 14
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I quit cold turkey in December 2009. Granted, I had only been smoking  years, it was still hard!! But I did it because it was important to my SO. He never pushed me to do it, I just thought that it was the perfect reason to let it go. I still have a hard time around booze sometimes, but I’m so glad I did it!

Post # 15
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Candace From BC: Yeah I had the most random dreams on the patch, they were all so vivid.

One thing my doctor did say with the patch and with quitting in general is that the hardest days are Day 1, Day 3, and the third week.  He said when you go from step 2 to step 3 it’s also hard because the nicotine drops so much between the steps. So I just watched out for those times and everything is going ok so far.

The topic ‘FI/DH/LTR’s and smoking’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors