Fifty Shades Darker & Sex

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
7097 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

railroaderwifeyxo :  Well I think there is a shift in the kind of sex they are having from the first movie to this one. The first movie was more BDSM, in my opinon, while the second was just more kinky. If you remember in the book she said she wasn’t into being whipped and bound (which is different than being tied up and spanked) – and the second movie reflects the change in their relationship.

I think these movies had made sexual fantasy “ok” to experiment with, as opposed to taboo that it used to be. Plenty of people like kinky sex, or have an interest in it, but are afraid to embarassed to explore it.

I personally say whatever floats your boat. I think plenty of women fantasize about being dominated and the movies show them it can be done in a safe and consentual way.

Post # 3
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

The books were hilariously bad and the first movie rubbish and so unseat so I don’t have any desired to watch the new one. 

We’ve used restraints at all. Most BDSM stuff does nothing for me but I think it’s great if it helps couples spice up their sex life. If both are game then why not. It’s only when one half of a couple really isn’t into it but the other is that I think there can be an issue – maybe boredom or resentment could result from one side.

Post # 4
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t seen this movie or the first one and I’m not sure that I will. We’ve talked about possibly watching them out of curiosity. I definitely feel like this movie could serve as an avenue to help couples spice things up in the bedroom. I’d say watching this movie with your SO could easily result in increased sexual arousal. Anything that you’re experiencing together could result in a couple spicing things up in the bedroom at least briefly. I remember a couple of years ago we had a Justin Timberlake concert in the fall and everyone talked about the energy and the passion that seemed to exist in the audience. That summer there was a huge baby boom and it was attributed to that concert. There was also a baby boom in November of 2015 in this area and that was attributed to the first movie. We had multiple Garth Brooks concerts in my area last weekend and that combined with the release of the movie and boom. I have a couple of friends who are Labor and Delivery Nurses and they were joking that November will probably be real busy. It all goes back to the idea that anything a couple experiences together that they find passionate whether it’s a movie or other event can probably result in them spicing things up in the bedroom.

Post # 5
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

(Havent read or seen any of the books)

So I imagine that everyone is different, but I have seen several studies, that most women actually experience a decrease is satisfying sex after reading or watching movies such as the fifty shades series. Essentially it builds up your expectations and then real life won’t be able to life up. It helps make your brain more immune to the more subtle turn one that you experience in real life. 

Post # 6
Member
2443 posts
Buzzing bee

railroaderwifeyxo :  I’ve read the books and while I think their relationship is a load of garbage, I do think that the books have helped us some.it just opened our eyes to stuff that we would be willing to try but might not necessarily have know about before. Grantes the stuff that we have tried out of the book has been pretty mild and I feel like we would have gotten there eventually…. Like blind folds and restraints and spanking and stuff. 

I think the books/movie make it less taboo to do ‘kinkier’ stuff.  I think you just have to have realistic expectations or you could harm your sex life. If you want to try something because of the books or the movie it might be weird at first, you might not like it like you thought you would, Or it wasn’t how you imagined it would be. I think that people just have to remember that it is make believe and while people do get pleasure and enjoyment out of those things it isn’t going to be perfect like it is in the book. 

Post # 7
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

railroaderwifeyxo :  It’s funny, I actually saw this movie yesterday with my boyfriend as well in leui of Valentines Day too! I’ve read and for the most part, enjoyed the books (ignoring the badly written aspect). I didn’t like how the movie had removed a lot of the complexity of the books, added things or tweaked things, and made it more of a rom com with sorta forced sex scenes. But I digress. 

We also had some of the best sex we’ve ever had in 8 years! 

I have to admit, after reading the first book (because I was just like, what on earth is all the hype??), I was very mentally turned on. I think it is because for me, I have to be mentally in the mood before I’ll be interested in physical intamacy. Reading the first book was very mentally stimulating, and seeing the first movie reminded me of how much fun sex can be and used to be (we had hit a rut). I also identified with Ana, so that added to it. It also sparked more dialogue about incorporating more bondage and what not into the bedroom.

(We’ve tried watching porn together, but I just find it so boring or it just makes me laugh.)

So, to answer your questions:

 

2) I don’t think the movies are detrimental to real life relationship, and they have certainly helped spice things up in our bedroom. I’ve read the reason why the books are such a huge hit with women is because he knows what she wants without her saying it, which of course, doesn’t happen in real life. If you go in with those expectations, then it could be detrimental as your surely to be disappointed. I think it also plants seed in your mind that it could be fun to explore and introduce new things as well, and makes it easier to talk about things because you have a reference. 

1) Yes. We’ve learned that buying really cheap stuff (for restraints) usually doesn’t work well (ex- $15 under the bed restraint system), and it’s better to get higher quality things. Something we also do a couple hours before being intimate is talk about what type of sex we (okay, mainly I, he’s usually up for whatever, and what toys are allowed/expected, if I want him to be in control, etc.) Afterwards, we discuss what we liked/didn’t like/would change next time. 

 

Post # 8
Member
4534 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

railroaderwifeyxo :  I read the first book and quarter of the second out of curiosity….couldn’t read anymore because it was sooo poorly written. I heard someone say once that it read like the author was doing some enthusiastic one handed typing and her other hand was busy somewhere else 😉 After reading the first book…I kind of agree with the above assessment!

To answer you question….so not into any of that and the book definitely did not make me want to pursue that kind of kink. As for your second question… I wouldn’t assume to know what will help other couples to spice up and explore new facets of their sex life. I think though that what appeals in that book is that he is rich, dark, mysterious, complex, uncrackable, super hot and a sex ace who gets it right in scene. Most of us live with an absolutely lovely man who is nothing like Grey. I think that in itself could probably lead to a little disappointment in a role play situation. I dont think the BDSM fantasy in this book and would be so appealing to the masses if they were everyday joes exploring this type of lifestyle!!!

When these books came out and gained cult like status I remember having a discussion with a group of work ladies at a birthday drinks session. One friend said that she thought these books were so popular because it was about a manly man taking control of a situation. In our modern world, the traditional gender roles have become blurred and so many women work, take on the lions share of household duties and feel like they are the ones who control everything and keep all the balls in the air to keep relationship and family life going. The appeal of the book and the BSDM relationship was the woman relinquishing control to the man and he know exactly what she wants without asking her. She wondered if that was part of the appeal for women in these books.

IDK …and I probably didn’t articulate it as well as she did when she made that observation but I thought it was an interesting angle as to why such a poorly written series was so popular. You can read loads of similar free stories on the net. It is really just following the format of a mills and boon except with ‘taboo kink’ instead of ‘vanilla sex’. It still uses the formula of attraction, followed by a problem/misunderstanding, solution and proclamation of undying love and riding into the sunset… An interesting thought anyway. 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

Yes to both of your questions, but it doesn’t endure.

Watching a movie can be a type of foreplay. A movie could perhaps contain the possibility of raising libido since some content could be a sexual turn-on. I guess it may not matter what type of movie it is (people get turned on by all sorts of things and for sure some movies are more openly suggestive than others), but if the average couple was to spend around 75 -90 minutes (average movie duration) immersed in thinking about sex, maybe watching sex happen all whilst presumably getting steamed up about what they might or shortly will be doing in bed (foreplay) they are bound (terrible pun, sorry) to become ravenously horny and have steamy sex afterwards. With a few exceptions surely pleasingly meaningful sex tends to follow on from pleasingly meaningful foreplay?

Movies may provide “permission” to indulge in sexual activities fantasised about (like taboos) and normally avoided for real. Suddenly wanting to become a hooker like Pretty Woman, shop on Rodeo Drive and bed Richard Gere? It’s very fortunate in most instances that the after-movie or “Hollywood psychosis” is short-lived and yeah don’t ever try choking your SO.    

Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Let me preface this by saying I have yet to read the books or see any of the movies. We enjoy some BDSM play, and I wear a collar (it looks more like a necklace) daily. We do a lot of cuffs and have bondage straps on our bed. We only recently got into using rope and practicing shibari.

From what I know about the books/movies I think that they are displaying an abusive relationship, but that the movies can give people a safe place to consider trying some new things in their sex life. 

Post # 11
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t get off on abusive relationships so nooooooo. I tried reading the books but if anything the writing actually made me and the hubby cringe then giggle madly for about an hour. BUT I do know some people who tried “kinky” stuff for the first time (like spanking) so to each their own!

We’ve already enjoyed some Bdsm stuff and as long as there is trust and communication it’s super fun! Just research before you get serious though. Things like safe words, scenes, and all that good stuff.

Post # 12
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

cmsgirl :  It started as Twilight fanfiction if that explains anything…

Post # 13
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

1. Have you ever been curious to play with those types of bondage & toys (ie, the balls and restraints), or do you just not like that idea? I had always been super interested in BDSM before I started dating my Darling Husband. I felt awful for having these things that excited me and didnt understand why I was interested so much. For years I beat myself up about it, bothered and disturbed. And then the book came out, and it was like putting light and publicity in this part of myself that I hated myself for. And everyone loved the book, so I felt normal and no longer like a freak. The book could have been written better but it helped me accept myself and what I like. Forever grateful.

2. Do you think that the movie could potentionally help couples spice it up in the bedroom/ or do you think it’s an unrealistic approach to sex?

Oh yeah. The thing about erotica is that you read the text and envision it in your head. In your head, any aspect can change. The character can be you. Its more powerful than porn because you process the information differently.

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fifty-shades-darker-sex/#ixzz4dUsrJBSs

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