(Closed) fight club

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

My SO & I went through that stage around 4-5 yrs of dating and for us it turned out to be all about control, even though the fights sometimes had nothing to do with that.  For example, we got in to a huuuuge fight because I told him to slow down while driving!  What really helped me (and then us) was reading the book Choice Theory by William Glasser.  It’s not a relationship book but there is a chapter on relationships.  It’s a theory of counseling that’s extremely helpful for anyone.  The gist of it is you have control over your own thoughts, feelings and actions, but society teaches us that we can try to control others and that others can “make” us think, feel, and act in a certain way.  The book is about giving up the idea that others control us and focusing on controlling ourselves and allowing others to control themselves as well; it’s very empowering  I think the reason why it is so common that couples fight in the first year is because they’re unconsciously battling for power/control in the relationship since whoever “wins” sets the precedent for the rest of the marriage.

Post # 5
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

First Rule about Fight Club is you do NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!

OKay, now that I got that out of my system –

@LaurenK0105: AMEN sista! You are absolutely right. The only things that we have control over in this world are ourselves – our actions and reactions.

Also, the closer you get to marriage, the closer “forever” feels and you may find yourself a little less lax about all those annoying habits he has, or his persepective on things, and maybe you are subconsciously trying to hash those out before the wedding. Just a thought.

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