(Closed) fight over BM shoes

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

A couple of things – there is no way your bridesmaids will out shine you on your wedding day!  Please don’t stress about that.

The bridesmaids are going to be on their feet for a long time.  2 inch heels will look great and be more comfortable for them in the long run. 

Tell them you feel very strongly about them wearing flats, but you are willing to compromise on the 2 inch heels from Payless.  Hopefully they’ll understand and go with the flow. 

Post # 4
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I think they should wear flats.  Plenty of girls wear flats with dresses it’s no problem.

🙂

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My gbirls wore knee length dresses and I told them to wear whatever the heck they want. Maybe you can see in this photo. But seriously, it was just “whatever is comfy”.

And, I’m 5’11”. I’ve worn flat/short heels in the other weddings I’ve been in because my friends are 5’4″ and 5’6″ and i feel ridiculously tall next to them in heels. So i ALWAYS choose flats. And that’s usually an insecurity on my part–I don’t like to feel like a Jolly Green Giant next to my friends =]

They have so many pairs of cute flat sandals out nowadays that are dressy–i don’t think anyone looks at girls in short dresses+flat shoes and says, “wow, their legs look awful!”

[attachment=963191,118802]

Post # 6
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wear short dresses with flats all the time. It’s like my casual uniform!

You are going to be a beautiful bride no matter what! But I think they are being a little pushy. As a bridesmaid, I have been told this is your dress, this is your shoes, we’re done. And I didnt’ argue or complain. It’s not the bridesmaid’s place to do so. I am pretty adament on the boards about disliking the brideslave/maid concept, but wearing the dress (and shoes and hair and clutch) comes with the territory. Many brides don’t even give that them that much input! I would probably just tell them at this point that those are the shoes you’d like them to wear, thank you very much. Also, a lot of my friends are keen on giving their BMs matching flip-flops to wear at the reception as a comfort thing… doesn’t get much flatter than that!

There’s always the 1″ heel. 😉

Post # 7
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think they should understand where you are coming from and wear a cute pair of sandle flats esp since you’re getting married in July… they make a ton of cute dressy ones now– I’d check out Marshalls or TJ Maxx if you have one.

Post # 8
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

Sorry but I think you should let them wear what they want.  Why not let them feel good about their appearance too?  I don’t see how making them unhappy will make you look better. 

By the way I have two very short sisters and I think they are gorgeous; one of them was homecoming queen. I doubt either one of them has ever thought they were less than beautiful even if they don’t quite reach 5 feet 🙂  I’m sure you look great too!

 

Post # 9
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m only 5’0 and two of my bridesmaids and over half the people at the wedding will tower over me. I have no doubt that me and my Fiance will still be the center of attention. You have no reason to worry.

Still, I do think your bridesmaids should be more understanding. 

Post # 10
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I’m only 5’3″, and while one of my BMs is the exact same size as me, my Maid/Matron of Honor is a good 5-6 inches taller – and I’ll be encouraging her to wear whatever shoes she wants, which will probably end up being 3-4″ heels! No one will be outshining you on your wedding day, and I’m a firm believer that if the girls are buying their shoes/clothes themselves, they should be able to have a say in what they wear.

I, for one, am a fan of heels and I can understand not feeling comfortable in short heels (they feel very awkward to me), and I personally don’t like dressing up and not wearing heels. If you’re set on them wearing short heels, that’s fine, but I would encourage you to remember that they won’t outshine you just because they’re a little taller!

Post # 11
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

On the one hand, you are right, this is just shoes—the bridesmaids should deal and just wear what you tell them to wear. I wear flats with short dresses all the time and think it looks really nice. But on the other hand, the bridesmaids are right, this is just shoes—yet you are hinging your pride in your appearance over it, rather than letting pride from your appearance come from within.

You’re showing lots of great insight into the real culprit behind the problem, that is, your feelings of insecurity about your height. And it sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of pain over this, and for that I really feel for you. I am not sure what solution is right, but for your own mental well-being I offer the following:

Regardless of what everyone ends up wearing on their feet, please try to do two things. First, try to quit telling yourself you are powerless to change the way you think and feel about your appearance/height. Because as long as you tell yourself you can’t change how you feel, you won’t be able to. Second, try to be nicer to yourself. Self-talk has profound influences on our feelings about ourselves. Refuse to talk down at yourself, and tell yourself something more positive instead, no matter how small a detail it might be—like, my hair looks nice today (or not half bad), or this color complements my skin tone, or I like these earrings on me. You don’t have to tell yourself “being short is great,” but you can temper the negative thoughts about your height with positive thoughts about other aspects of your appearance, so that on the whole your appearance-related outlook becomes more positive and you will feel better, I promise. It will feel totally fake and like a meaningless exercise at first, but I have seen it work over and over again, for myself and others too.

I hope that you find a good shoe-resolution for your dilemma and that you feel beautiful on your wedding day no matter what you or anyone else is wearing.

Post # 12
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally I think they should wear flats or low heels. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to give them guidelines. I was really lucky! My BMs all bought shoes that I picked out even though they were $60 and I told them they didn’t have to.

Post # 13
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Have you told them why? Maybe if they knew that you were a tad self-conscious they would understand better.  If you don’t say why then they have reason to bargain for what they want because they think it’s just an arbitrary decision. let them know it’s not.

Post # 14
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@breezer- ooh! Good point! I assumed she had told them why but maybe she didn’t.

Post # 15
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well said, chelseamorning.

Post # 16
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It almost sounds like your trying to make yourself look better by making your Bridesmaids look bad? This just doesn’t sit right with me. I personally want my girls to look their best on my wedding day because well; it’s my wedding day. I want every aspect to look as amazing and wonderful as possible. Nothing they wear or do is going to change the way you look. You will look the same; it’s your self view that you need to change. And your right; it’s probably not going to happen quickly but you have to start somewhere. It would be different if you just wanted them to wear a lower heal for a more casual look; but you have a totally different reasoning behind your request. I think you need to do some soul searching…. masking your insecurities by trying to make yourself look better than them isn’t going to do you any good. It only helps for the time being. It doesn’t help towards fixing the true problem here.

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