(Closed) fight over looking at phone

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You’ve got bigger issues in your relationship than not being able to see his phone if you are threatening to break up with someone just to get them to talk to you/take you seriously.  It’s an unfair fight, and it should never happen in good, healthy, honest communicative relationships.

 

 

I would worry about that first.

Post # 3
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
lovesyoungdream:  “i know the general consensus on here is that phones are private, but it’s not fair that it seems to be one rule for me and another for him…”

So then lock your phone too. Honestly the whole thing seems…immature to me. A relationship is built on trust. If you don’t trust him and think he’s hiding something, why are you with him? If he’s demanding to have access to your phone, FB, etc then he doesn’t trust you either. Sorry, bee. But this doesn’t sound like a mature relationship based on what you posted. 

Post # 4
Member
2256 posts
Buzzing bee

His overreaction says it all. He bangs on the door and threatens to delete stuff on your phone so you won’t spoil your Christmas present? What?

Then, he doesn’t take you seriously when you try to talk about what just went on, and does not respect your wishes when you tell him to get your stuff together.

Nah. Tell him you don’t care if your Christmas present is spoiled, he clearly has something he doesn’t want you to see, and I think it’s a lot less innocent than a Christmas present. Also, who starts planning Christmas presents in May? Also, even if it IS a Christmas present, OR if it’s something like pictures of an engagement ring, he should’ve just been like “welp, go ahead and spoil your surprise then” and let you look through the phone. I don’t like how he reacted, and it’s indicative of some scary behaviors on his part. I think you need to seriously level with him, and if he won’t come clean, then break it off for real.

ETA: when a guy threatens to destroy his girlfriend’s things (even if it’s just deleting photos), it’s abusive behavior. I hope you see that this will probably only get worse.

Post # 5
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee

Why do you need to look through each others phones?

Post # 6
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You are arguing over phones — and it seems to be a much bigger issue — trust is one of them.  Also the reaction from both of you over your phones is interesting to say the least.  Not sure how old you and your boyfriend are — but really consider the severity of this fight — over more pressing issues.

Post # 7
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
lovesyoungdream:  In most normal relationships, most people don’t have to be all up in each other’s business. Many things are troubling: his double-standard on who has access to what; your need to take his property and look when he asked you not to; his reaction to that; and this general distrust that runs through your whole relationship. Honestly? Neither of you seems ready to be in a relationship with the other. 

Post # 8
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
nikkiibee:  This, too. Manipulation at its finest.

Neither one of you comes across great here, OP. 

Post # 10
Member
2256 posts
Buzzing bee

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lovesyoungdream:  Still. When your boyfriend threatens to destroy your things, it is abusive.

Post # 13
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee

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lovesyoungdream:  it doesn’t matter if it’s the first time. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. 

Post # 15
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

A strong relationship needs trust. Looking at phones, needing passwords shows a lack of trust. I’m sorry, but this doesn’t sound like the strongest or healthest relationship.

 

and lock your phone. There is no reason for either of you to need to look at phone, laptops or have facebook password access

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