(Closed) Fight with a bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You can call her and ask what her plans are without conceding.

All you really need to know is whether or not she intends to be in the wedding.  (Or to tell her she’s been relieved of bridesmaid duties if you’d rather she not participate absent an apology.)

Post # 4
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you are frustrated.  I agree with your friend that you should pick up the telephone and call this person.  If she’s important enough for you to ask her to be part of your special day, then I’d think the friendship is worth a telephone call.

Either way, it doesnt sound like a friendship with her will endure over the years so maybe it’s best she’s not in the wedding party.

Post # 5
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel for you because I am in the same situation, only the petty fight between my Bridesmaid or Best Man and I happened OVER 9 months ago! After the fight we didn’t talk, then 5 months later decided to make ammends, (even though I felt she was the one needing to appologize) but I let it go, wanted to move on, so we both said okay lets move on. We hung out one time after 5 months and haven’t since. We used to talk every single day, but since the incident I NEVER talk to her, because she wont reply to my messages on FB, or return my calls. It doesnt help that shes super far up her conceited boyfriends a** either. ugh.

So, once you have an answer on how to fix the situation, feel free to share! Because I have no idea either! I have tried, but my Bridesmaid or Best Man just doesnt seem to want to bother with our friendship anymore. About a month ago I messaged her on FB to see if she was still going to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, and she said yes, but who freaking knows at this point. It’s definitely frustrating and I hope all works out for you!

Post # 6
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

At the same time, I feel for your Bridesmaid or Best Man. It’s hard to completely know the tone of a text message. And even if she was rude, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it was about you. Something may be going on elsewhere in her life, and it may have come out in a rude message to you. You yourself said that she is the type of person who occasionally offends by what she says so I probably would have left the offending text alone if that was typical behavior.  Also, I know that if I was told I needed to apologize for a text (of all things), I would be extremely ticked. I would find that action to be incredibly rude. If the offended person said I hurt them in some way, I would totally apologize, but if they break out the guns without saying something first, that would really irritate me.

Of course, her following actions to defriend and such are rather telling. It sounds as if she’s over it, so to speak. I think you need to decide if this rude comment is worth separating for. If not, be the bigger person and forget it.

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If someone told me “You NEED to apologize” I probably wouldn’t, because I am an adult and don’t like being told what to do LOL

Can you tell I’m hopelessly stubborn too? But I’m also not above admitting when when I’m wrong, so I think approach matters a lot here. You need to decide if you want to call her. If you do, call her up and don’t be on a mission to get an apology out of her, just call to talk about what happened. Be nice, not accusing or confrontational. The behavior we put out there influences other people’s attitudes.

Post # 10
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@aimeefolds: I’m sorry you are going through this. Years ago I had a longtime friendship end this way. Very abrubtly, with just one fight. As I was reading your posts I saw so many similarities between you and I with our respective friends. Sometimes when you have a friend who is used to being the dominating one they don’t know how to handle it when you start to push back a little. But when the friend reacts badly like that you need to evaluate how healthy that relationship is. In my situation after she blew up at me, and cut me out, I decided to let the friendship go. I thought about it for a long time, and what did it was when someone asked me if I would be her friend now, as an adult. When I realized the answer was no I made the decision to not call her. It’s hard to end a friendship. It’s a break-up. A lot of the time those relationships are deaper and more emotionally connected than most of your relationships with ex boyfriends. But, just as with ex boyfriends, they can be unhealthy and draining. I still think about my old friend. We had been friends for over 20 years. I miss her, but I don’t miss the anxiety she used to bring into my life. I hope you don’t let this cast a cloud over your wedding. Her behaviour, and how she chose to handle the situation speaks volumes. I don’t think your wedding will be any less for her absence.

Post # 10
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oops! double post 

Post # 11
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I think most women have been there once or twice in their lives. I think the older you get, the more you will be able to avoid these folks… I hope. I’ve been singed a time or two. I wish you hadn’t sent her an equally nasty email because she’s going to hold on to that but try and get over it. If she changes her mind, okay. If not, that’s still okay.

Post # 12
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@aimeefolds: I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! I lost a friend of 15+ years over what I thought was a fight/misunderstanding. I realized that we had become two completely different people and couldn’t really be friends anymore.

I agree with Ms. Peach, it is just like a break up, it hurts! I still do think about how that relationship ended and if there was something that I could do have done differently. In the end it just takes time to move on. It’s not worth salvaging a relationship where the other person doesn’t appreciate you and causes you hurt and anxiety.

Post # 13
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@aimeefolds- I am so sorry you are going through this! If it makes you feel any better, I had the same exact thing happen to me with my now Ex-MOH. We had really, stupid argument over something insane. I called and apologized even though I really didn’t feel the need to, and she ripped me to shreds on the phone. I waited her out, gave her some breathing, sent her this long e-mail (because she ignored calls and texts) about how important her friendship was to me and how I didn’t want something this small to ruin things, and she backed out of my wedding and our friendship in a harsh, mean spirited e-mail.

It hurts like h***, but you will get through it! Just focus on your fiance and all the supportive family and friends that you do have. You cared so much about your friendship and she didn’t seem to care at all. If one of your friend’s came to you for advice on a situation like this, I’m sure you’d tell her it’s not worth it to even try with this friend. It’s just hard to realize that when you’re in the situation.

I  hope you have a great wedding despite all this! Oh, and I just realized your info says you’re in Boston. I’ve never been there in my life and I’m moving there in May. Small Wedding Bee world lol

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